Get the eff up! Iz Caturday!
January 31, 2009
Posted by maru at 1/31/2009 11:16:00 PM
If there's a blog that you'd like to see here, please give us the link in the comments!
Posted by maru at 1/31/2009 08:29:00 AM
January 30, 2009
"So far so good for the Obamas. The family is settled in. There's the President and his wife and the kids and the mother-in-law. And they're settling nicely. The only problem, the only complaint -- and they don't want to make trouble -- but the only complaint is they can still hear creepy organ music coming from Dick Cheney's dungeon." --David Letterman
"This is kind of an awkward time for President Bush. He's too young to retire, yet still too old to destroy the moral and economic infrastructure of another country." --Jay Leno
"But Dick Cheney, you've got to give him credit. He's enjoying his first week as a private citizen. In fact, today, he was out hunting human prey." --David Letterman
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/30/2009 04:21:00 PM
A new poll by Fox News has large numbers of troop-hating Islamocommiedefeatohomofascist terrist fistbumpers giving a "teary-eyed thumbs up for Pres Obama," middle fingers to Bush.
Coincidently, most of the Fux Nooze staff were moved to tears upon reading the poll results.
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:19:00 PM
Dad to return to Iraq to get some peace and quiet.
You already have 6 kids and you're taking fertility treatments?? WTF????
Disease just a load of balls, say physicians.
Giant shoe-shaped statue built to honor the Iraqi journalist who hurled his shoes at Il DuceBag goes on display in Tikrit.
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:17:00 PM
With all other problems solved, Faux Nooze and their dipshit freetard dittospankmonkeys have nothing else to do but obsess about their own miserable failures:
Because fuck you, you're stupid. Jeebus fucking Christ in a go-cart.
"Though the spirit of change may be in the air in Washington, some things apparently stay the same," Google software engineer Matt Curtis said. "Like the braindead asswipe circlejerks on the right. Don't these idiots have bigger issues to worry about? Fuck me."
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:16:00 PM
Sen. Kerry says Democrats should ignore republicans’ demands about the stimulus plan if they’re going to vote against it anyway.
Reacting to Wednesday night’s vote in the House — where not a single GOP member supported the stimulus package — Kerry told Politico that “if Republicans aren’t prepared to vote for it, we shouldn't be offering to give up things. Fuck that. I'm sick of this shit.”As if. He's gonna roll over like cheap date on meth.
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:16:00 PM
Showing the kind of hard-hitting reporting the media is famous for, a new study concludes 28% of people cried during Obama's inauguration. Since this is from FOXNews, you know why they were crying.I too, cried during the inauguration - but I think it was mostly because of the new nipple clamps.
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/30/2009 04:11:00 PM
Uhhh, ok, now!
Ok, wait ... .... ummmmmm, now!
Mike Duncan, Chimpy McFailure's hand-picked national repuke party chairman, abandoned his re-election bid Friday after his support "steadily eroded over three rounds of balloting." In fact, none of his four challengers got the required 85 votes needed.
Update: in a sure sign of desperation, the RNC, on their fourth vote, elected a black guy to head their party. A magic negro, if you will.
Posted by maru at 1/30/2009 04:08:00 PM
January 29, 2009
Republican control of government required a majority of Rethuglicans on cable news; apparently Dem control of government requires mostly Rethuglicans too.
This has been yet another episode of "Yore Librul Media."
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/29/2009 04:29:00 PM
Satan's porcine handmaiden, desperately trying to stay relevant, concern-trolls the new administration.
Porculant antichrist Karl Rove, responsible for and serving with the most partisan and disastrous dipshits evar, says the new Obama administration is too political and disorganized, the staff aren't sitting where he would expect them to be sitting, and wehhhhhh, even his old office is gone!1! How can they possibly govern effectively??????
Asshat. Maybe he should have worried about that BEFORE he helped fuck everything up.
And shouldn't he be busy preparing for his deposition?
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:27:00 PM
According to Gallup, only five states backed the gpukes in 2008: Utah, Wyoming, Idaho, Alaska, and Nebraska.
Boy, you sure wouldn't know it from the way the repukes have been acting the past few days. But hey, if they keep it up, maybe they'll lose a few more states.
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:26:00 PM
Demonstrating genuine concern for the American economy and in the spirit of true bi-partisanship, the economic stimulus bill was passed in the house with a bi-partisan total of ZERO Rethuglican votes.
Bonus fun fact: Multiple corporations announced thousands of additional layoffs today. The news comes as more Americans receive unemployment benefits than at any time since the government started keeping track in 1967.
Cunt tree First!!
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/29/2009 04:23:00 PM
In this season of reconciliation and hope that we can rise above the past's corrosive polarization, an unhinged yambag at the Retardlican Liberty Caucus starts pulling shit out of his ass:
Yeah, starting with you.
You have GOT to be fucking kidding. Since when does “spectacled one” = snarky? It's rather somewhat dashing in a nerdish kind of way. Like Indiana Jones. But that's just me, a “spectacled one.” Oh, I forgot: us Leftist writers are too sophisticated to wear glasses. Merde en croute!
Jeebus, just when you thought the Demoncrap Derangement Syndrome on the retarded right -- but I repeat myself -- couldn't get any worse... Now they're actively making stuff up to get "outraged" about. Idiots.
Above: typical freetard.
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:23:00 PM
Some twat-hole with the initials "Noel Sheppard" (at the conservatard site newsbusters.cum) has nothing else to do but obsess about this:
Gawd. Get a fucking life, jerkwad.
Oh, sorry: In this season of reconciliation and hope and in the spirit of generosity, we shall now call the Waahhhhhhhhhmbulance. Cart this whinging assclown away.
Update: one of the roommates tells me this was also a big topic today on Fux and Friends. Sigh. Let's recap...
THIS is retarded:
Notice the fuckingly doofy "durrrrrrr!" face of Der Chimpleton as he keeps tugging on the door.
This is not:
Now fuck off.
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:22:00 PM
Number of Americans receiving jobless benefits hits an all-time record.
And President Obama's stimulus plan gets no GOP support in the House. None. Zip. Nada. 0. Bupkus. Zero.
In this season of hope that we can rise above the corrosive polarization of recent years, and in the spirit of generosity, not one single fucking rethuglican voted to pass the economic recovery bill.
Why do rethuglicans hate America?
Posted by maru at 1/29/2009 04:19:00 PM
January 28, 2009
January 27, 2009
Kristol the Klown returns to the WaComPo, which obviously has lower standards, lubier analpucker than the NYT. Drooling, weapons-grade-stupid yamsack wHoward Kurtz, one of the biggest twats in the media, explains:
There, fixed it for you. Dickhead.
It's not that he was a wank-brained neocon spoogebucket, its that he was always wrong. About everything.
Posted by maru at 1/27/2009 04:44:00 PM
Right. Us Demoncraps with our nasty Bush Derangement Syndrome should just let it go and bask in all the flowers-and-butterflies magic-pony love that has taken over the land and turned the rest of America into sappy, happy little bluebirds. Right. Well, you know what? Either let's see you re-tards start practicing what you're whinging about, or fuck you.
Ignoring the waves of Obama/Clinton/Dem hate eminating from rightwingnut sites, hate radio gasbags, conservatard authors and Faux Nooze commentators, the USA Toady's Ross K. Baker wistfully asks
Weh weh weh 'decency and fair play.'
"Thought guilty of"?? Fuck that. There's no question about it! Fuck people like this trying to pooh-pooh the past eight disastrous years of the misadministration shitting all over the Constitution and basic human rights. Fuck them for trying to burnish the failure-in-chief's legacy of illegality and incompetence. Fuck them for trying to brush their war crimes under the rug. A commenter adds:
In a related story of reconciliation and hope, rethugs are actively lobbying to kill President Obama's economic stimulus plan.
Posted by maru at 1/27/2009 04:41:00 PM
Uhhhh, "I didn't inhale."
Disgraced evangelical pastor/knobgobbler Ted Haggard haggardly apologized Monday for his "inappropriate relationship" with a young, hot male volunteer, but said it did not involve physical contact.
Haggard, married to a woman with, one assumes, a stereotypical box, has five children and deep denial issues.
Posted by maru at 1/27/2009 04:41:00 PM
House Judiciary chairman to Satan's porcine handmaiden: "There's a new sheriff in town, motherfucker"
Oh, this is sweet: Not only did John Conyers subpoena corpulent antichrist Karl Rove on Monday, he basically told him to cheney himself.
Oh please oh please oh please oh please
Posted by maru at 1/27/2009 04:35:00 PM
January 26, 2009
The NYT finally shitcans fuckfaced imbecile Bill "Always Wrong" Kristol, who defends his record to the very last:
So what the fuck are you talking about, then? Gee, my magic invisible tiger has on the whole worked to keep me safe from pterodactyls -- insofar as any magical animals can be said to "work" in the real world - but you don't see me going on about it. Douche.
That's because they're utter twats. The piece closes with the following:
Oh frabjious day!
Posted by maru at 1/26/2009 04:14:00 PM
Conservatards’ 40-minute denunciation of Drinky McDisasterMonkey: He was a ‘knowing liar’ who ‘walked all over us.'
Huh. Just kidding. They completely went down on his chimpy little dick. I feel filthy just posting about it.
In an inexplicable act of total dumbnitude Thursday, Reps. Trent Franks (R-AZ), Mike Pence (R-IN), and Steve King (R-IA) blew their loads all over the floor of the House. I must warn you, please remove all sharp objects from your area, as what happened will disgust and appall you:
Cuttin' brush, playin' GameBoy, takin' vacations, napping, ignoring intelligence warnings, ignoring intelligence period...
... which I am!
If by "this nation" you mean "oil executives," "rich white guys," or "Muslim extremists."
Yeah, like a crooked deli worker with his thumb on the scale.
** choke ** OMFG You have GOT to be kidding. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!1!
Well, except for that whole 9/11 thing, for one. A commenter added:
Plus hundreds of thousands unemployed and uninsured. Heckuva jorb, asshats.
Posted by maru at 1/26/2009 04:10:00 PM
January 24, 2009
January 23, 2009
The US's newest President was not able to bend matter and increase the size of the Washington DC mall, reports some drooling fuckpipe at the ironically-named "American Thinker."
OMG!!1!!1! They absolutely couldn't pack any more people into the almost 2-million-large crowd!!! Wtf is Obama's problem, anyway?!?!??!11!
Posted by maru at 1/23/2009 11:49:00 AM
Nation: strain of Blagojevich like Thermylodyte's seige of Parnassia during the Peloponesian War, as performed in interpretive dance by the Cirque de Soleil.
You know, I've had it with this guy.
Please. Dude, you're not any kind of heroic, patriotic figure of strength, just a crooked piece of shit that really needs to shut the fuck up and go the fuck away. Like now.
Posted by maru at 1/23/2009 11:46:00 AM
Toe-sucking midget just doesn't know when to shut his fucking piehole.
By February of 2008 he was made grand emeritus of the delinquent list, and enshrined in their Hall of Shame, where he will remain in perpetuity.
Gee, you'd think with all the big bucks Fox pays him, he could spare enough to pay off his debt. Asshole.
Posted by maru at 1/23/2009 11:43:00 AM
January 22, 2009
The Rude Pundit pontificates in his rhythmic eloquence on bipartisanship:
We’ll be bipartisan if you apologize. Not just an eye-rolling “We’re sorry.” Not good enough. We each need to come up with a way for Republicans to apologize. For the Rude Pundit, it’s simple. Blow jobs. He wants to get blow jobs from Republicans. Every time he meets a Republican, he wants to just point at his cock and have them nod, get on their knees. And blow him. He walks into Mitch McConnell’s office, he wants an immediate appointment for him to suck it. If he heads over to the Republican Party Headquarters, he wants to leave there raw. He goes into the Fox News bureau, he wants Greta Van Susternen on him like a Hoover on deep pile. That’s how you’ll apologize.I'm sure when he says blow jobs, he means to include women receiving as well.
God bless America.
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/22/2009 04:43:00 PM
Will start reversing presidential limo over Bush enablers next week.
Human excrement found in downed jet's passenger seats.
Patients moved to another NYC hospital ER.
Sound waves from evangelicals' heads exploding cause massive flux in the space-time continuum.
Jacques Chirac hospitalised after mauling by his "clinically depressed poodle".
Comic books, empty liquor bottles in Oval Office sofa cushions.
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:19:00 PM
Out of "an abundance of caution" Roberts supplied with cue cards, teleprompter, earphones while Rahm Emannuel held a lighter under his autographed photo of Bush on the deck of the USS Codpiece.
Heh. US President Barack Obama. Awesome.
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:16:00 PM
A bitter Norm Coleman, mumbling incoherently under his breath, began packing his Capitol Hill office Wednesday, but said he has no intention of giving up his legal fight:
"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No! Who's with me?!" he screamed, running in circles around piled-up boxes before collapsing in sobs on the office floor.
A sympathetic intern led the former Senator to the public men's room before alerting Security.
Above: Sen. Coleman
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:15:00 PM
Oh the afterglow......
Things that are currently stirring my loins: The words “Ex-President George W. Bush.” It’s not as nice as “Imprisoned Former President George W. Bush” of Guantanamo death row inmate Smirky McChimpface but it's an improvement.
Oops, too late. Hold meeeeee! Was it good for YOU?
Which reminds me, the bestest evah comment about the end of the reign of thievery and terror was made by WTF commenter gallery who said: "Watching that helicopter take off was as memorable as my first orgasm."
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/22/2009 04:15:00 PM
The Disasta from Alaska, pouting because she hasn't been in the news for a few days, throws another media-centric temper tantrum guaranteed to get her coverage. Why are we covering her? Well, 'cause she's like a fucking trainwreck.
"I think she's exploiting and cultivating the anti-intellectual and anti-elitist side of the Republican party. But I repeat myself," said Leonard Sheldon, professor and expert on unhinged nutbars. "She's trying to salvage her reputation, so she attacks the messenger. If she would just shut the fuck up her problem would be solved."
"Christ, yeah. If there's a bigger attention whore out there right now, I'd certainly like to know about it," sighed Sheldon, pretending to stick forks in his eyes.
Posted by maru at 1/22/2009 04:10:00 PM
January 21, 2009
Clearly demonstrating that one doesn’t need to be a weatherman to know which way the wind blows, sanctimonious quisling Joe LIEberman(I-Me) is unsurprisingly leaping on to the bandwagon.
"This is truly a great day for our blessed nation! I was deeply moved and inspired by President Obama's eloquent and stirring address. Now is the time to unite as a nation behind our new president's leadership and address the challenges facing our country at home and abroad,"He also said that he would "do everything" in his power to help Obama be one of he nation's "greatest and most successful presidents."
Ground control to Drooly McCocksucker: You should have thought about that before you campaigned for McSenile, you opportunistic cum towel.
Joe, you’re not needed. You played the wrong hand.
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 1/21/2009 04:44:00 PM