February 27, 2009
Joe the Plumber vestigial tail" Wurzelbacher held court in a DC Borders last night to hawk his new book, "Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream,"* but only eleven people showed up.
So what's next for the unlicenced plumber? Well, when he's not speaking at conservative circlejerks, he'll be doing unlicenced construction. Bonus:
*If the American dream is to not have an actual job, not pay your taxes, and live off the pathetic petulance of a party of losers, well, yeah.
Posted by maru at 2/27/2009 04:15:00 PM
As full-time zonked-out stoner.
Zoned to the gills on Xanax and Fritos, Pickles Stepford says she didn't watch President Barack Obama's speech to Congress because "I just totally forgot about it."
-- from Jonathan Karl's adorable little puff-piece (mostly), written from the Bush mansion in an opulent, gated community in an exclusive section of Dallas.
Posted by maru at 2/27/2009 04:12:00 PM
Again! Neocon hack Bill Kristol, who's been wrong about absolutely everything, says the GOP should "obstruct and delay." Because there aren't enough people hurting these days.
What, more tax cuts for the rich? Yes, the same party that ran this country into the ground for the past eight years are now suggesting we need more of the same. Either that, or do absolutely NOTHING. Wow. How totally irresponsible! What a patriot!
A commenter writes
Posted by maru at 2/27/2009 04:10:00 PM
.....in the Republic party
About 11 people wandered into the rows of seats set up hopefully in the basement of a downtown Border's bookstore to hear Joe speak. Joe addressed them from behind a lectern and with a microphone, but that seemed unnecessarily formal.Of course, being an average guy that is so wildy popular is going to take a toll on his bright future as an unlicensed plumber:
Wurzelbacher was scheduled to speak and sign books for three hours, but the Joe Show was over in 55 minutes. Total copies of "Joe the Plumber" sold: five.
Plumbing? Not happening. "I show up on a plumbing job and the first thing someone's going to say is 'Joe the Plumber didn't do the job right,' " he said. "The next thing you know, it's on the national news. It would be naive to go back to it."Now how could anybody think that a tax dodging, unlicensed shit clog cleaner do a bad job? How socialist!
15 . . . 14:59 . . . 14:58 . . .
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 2/27/2009 04:10:00 PM
This year's conservative political action conference (CRAP) is underway in DC and it's hot hot hot!
Is he buying or selling?
Posted by maru at 2/27/2009 04:08:00 PM
No-talent assclown John Bolton jokes about Chicago getting nuked in a terrorist attack, and the entire CPAC audience erupts in cheers and laughter.
Hmph. You know what else would be funny? If those pants-jizzing asswads at CPAC all caught the clap before dying in fiery plane crashes on their way back home. What a thigh-slapper.
Posted by maru at 2/27/2009 04:08:00 PM
When a new poll comes out showing most women think he's a vile sack of shit, hateful misogynist Rush Limbaugh gets all verklempt:
Don't get me started. Oh, I don't know. Can a racist, sexist, child-abusing pig really "own" women? Especially a repulsive, bloated, egotistical scumbag like him? I think not.
Posted by maru at 2/27/2009 04:03:00 PM
February 26, 2009
And by that I mean "lie through their teeth." When Dem Rep. Joe Sestak confronts Faux News' Sean Hannity with the truth, Hannity does the only thing a conservaturd can do: invoke the Clenis©:
Hannity: The stimulus bill has 9,000 earmarks.
Congressman: Name one.
Hannity: Salt marsh mice! ATVs! High-speed rail lines to Vegas!
Congressman: Sean, those words are absolutely not in the bill, and you know it.
Hannity: You hid them all.
Congressman: Sean, you're misleading the public.
Hannity: But... but... Clinton!
Congratulations. Your life continues to be a tiny, dim beacon of douchebaggery. You verminous twat.
Posted by maru at 2/26/2009 04:09:00 PM
I was also an exorcist. Brady Bunch fanboy, loony Catholic zealot, goat-fucker: the secret past of Piyush "Bobby Hussein" Jindal.
Bonus: Not so fast, mister closet heathen. Party rival Sarah Palin, fuming at Jindal's evident glee that she may be consumed in the next (unmonitored!) explosion of Alaska's volcano, sics some of her good Catholic followers on him, smearing Jindal as a "secret Hindu."
Onus: Good luck with that. Bestial, Viagra-popping lardass Rush Limpbaugh is threatening to crush repukes like grapes if they even think of messin' with his widdle Bobster:
As one poster commented, Rush loves the guy because he "reminds you of those underage Dominican boy prostitutes you frequent, right, Rush?"
Posted by maru at 2/26/2009 04:08:00 PM
Why does Piyush Jindal want us to die a fiery, lava-covered death? Paul Krugman:
Heh heh -- he said "butt."
Posted by maru at 2/26/2009 04:03:00 PM
February 25, 2009
Today, some America-hating RINO actually compares "the Kenyan" to Saint Ronnie of Reagan --
Barf! Because it'll be worth having the economy continue its slide down the crapper leaving us in a worldwide depression if it makes Obama look bad.
Above: typical freeper.
Posted by maru at 2/25/2009 04:51:00 PM
World's greatest political mind... oh fuck it. Neocon hack Bill Kristol thinks Obama didn't mention "war" enough last night, or even try all that hard to scare the bejeebus out of America by mentioning the possibility of another 9/11.
Posted by maru at 2/25/2009 04:49:00 PM
538's Nate Silver on Piyush "Bobby Hussein" Jindal's rebooblican response to last night's non-SOTU by President Obama:
Bonus quote from a reader at The Atlantic:
Zoink!! Double bonus, from fark.com:
Why does Piyush hate our troops? And why does he hate his own constituents?
Posted by maru at 2/25/2009 04:45:00 PM
Already missing the adulation of hairy-knuckled booger-eating yahoos, Drinky McDumbass decides to don his preznental superhero dive-bomber action jacket and wow the little folks down at the corner store.
Look, maw! That no-talent prick was here! Says so on his jacket! And he didn't even buy anything, the cheap bastid!
Posted by maru at 2/25/2009 04:43:00 PM
A special prosecutor with long, sharp pointy teeth!
Amen to that.
Posted by maru at 2/25/2009 04:41:00 PM
GOP governor, speaking at the Center for the Blatantly Apparent, says the Congressional republican leadership is 'inconsequential':
"Their fathers were relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owners from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery..."
"As if. They wouldn't know 'principled' if it came up and bit them in the ass," he should have added.
Posted by maru at 2/25/2009 04:41:00 PM
Why does America hate America?
Sixty-eight percent of speech-watchers questioned in a CNN/Opinion Research Corp. survey said they had a very positive reaction, with 24 percent indicating that they had a somewhat positive response and 8 percent saying they had a negative reaction.92% positive, 8% overdosing on kool aid. Suck on THAT, Rethugs.
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 2/25/2009 04:40:00 PM
Thanks for the desperately needed bailout money, suckers
Suuurrrrrre, dickweed. These fucktwits are pissing me off. And they have their crusty panties in a wad because some welfare queen might eat steak.
- Wednesday, Northern Trust hosted a fancy dinner at the Ritz followed by a performance by the group Chicago.
- Thursday, Northern Trust rented a private hangar at the Santa Monica Airport for dinner, followed by a performance by Earth, Wind & Fire.
- Saturday, Northern Trust had the entire House of Blues in West Hollywood shut down for its private party. We got the menu -- guests dined on seared salmon and petite Angus filet. Dinner was followed by a performance by none other than Sheryl Crow.
There was also a fabulous cocktail party at the Loews. And how's this for a nice touch: Female guests at the Chicago concert all got trinkets from ... TIFFANY AND CO.
Northern Trust gave us a statement yesterday before going total radio silence. A rep for the bank acknowledges they paid for the events, but that the bailout money did not pay for the events. He claims it was paid out of the bank's operating expenses
How fucked we are.
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 2/25/2009 04:11:00 PM
February 24, 2009
Michael Steele says he's open to punishing GOP "defectors" Snowe, Collins, and Specter for actually trying to aid their constituents and country rather than their pathetic party of partisan, obstructionist pricks.
And their impotent, psycho hosebeast junkie leader Mr Limbaugh.
Vid from Fux Nooze is at something called thehopeforamerica.com.
Posted by maru at 2/24/2009 04:21:00 PM
Now that he's not going to get to fly in it, Mr. Crankyass McPoopersons sharply questions President Obama on the cost of the new Marine One helicopter.
Above: Sen. John McCain, R-Codger, sits all butthurt during the Fiscal Responsibility Summit hosted by US President Barack Obama. That's Barack Obama, the fucking President of the United States, loser. Heh.
Posted by maru at 2/24/2009 04:20:00 PM
In yet another example of conservative mental and moral midgetry, Republican hack John Feehery, spouting Rush Limbaugh 'porculus' talking points, pwns himself --
You know, stuff! That I just pulled right out of my ass! 'Cause we don't know if it even exists! From dKos tv:
Posted by maru at 2/24/2009 04:17:00 PM
From the Gpukes' "If we say something often enough, maybe it'll come true/people will believe it!" files: John Hindrocket's powerloon blog passes around the kool-aid to its legions of knuckle-dragging dittoheads:
Oh really. That's funny, because back on planet Earth...
Had enough yet? No? Good:
Suck it, pukes.
Posted by maru at 2/24/2009 04:10:00 PM
Booman expounds, I copy and paste.
The truth is that the conservative economic policies that have dominated the last 30 years or so hasn't resulted in shared prosperity, but in greater disparity and greater concentration of wealth.Blunt truth. Much more at the link.
And there's great danger in that.
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 2/24/2009 04:07:00 PM
February 23, 2009
By covering her campaign appearances, taping her interviews, reporting on her soundbites verbatim.
As part of an interview with conservative hack circlejerker John Ziegler for his new film out this week, Wehhhh!: How the Drive-By Media Refused to Tongue-Bathe St Sarah's VP Campaign, Sarah Palin (R-Tinfoilia) said she believes the media made a decision that “we’re going to seek and we’re going to destroy this candidacy of Sarah Palin’s because of what it is that she represents.”Howard "Screamin'" Dean, Al "I invented the internet" Gore, serial rapist Bill Xlintoon and his murdering lesbian wife Hitlary could not be reached for comment. Socialist commie B. HUSSEIN Osama and his Muslim baby-mama were too busy terrist fistjabbing to make a statement.
“Obviously something big took place in the media,” she added. It is “very frightening, I think, what the media was able to get away with, this go around.”
Palin suggested that unbalanced media coverage posed a threat to democracy.
Posted by maru at 2/23/2009 04:15:00 PM
February 21, 2009
Posted by maru at 2/21/2009 11:53:00 PM
Translation: "Your inactivity is criminal, porcine gastropod…Go back to Oklahoma!"
Posted by maru at 2/21/2009 10:07:00 AM
February 20, 2009
"Some of my best friends are black people! Well, they would be if I actually knew any," sez basement-dwelling goober Jonah Goldberg through a mouthful of Cheetos:
Lawdy! What a dipshit! Wtf is this guy's problem? And how does he manage to keep getting paid for this crap?
Disclaimer: I only was able to peruse a small portion of this steaming heap of drivel. When I tried to see the entire piece at townhell.com, it chucked me completely out of the interwebs. That's it: I'm complaining to Michael Steele.
*Who does NOT have a bright blue scrotum. That we know of.
Posted by maru at 2/20/2009 04:04:00 PM
Caribou Barbie needs to keep a potatoe lodged in her gob permanently, says anonymous source.
Meanwhile, a commenter at the WaComPo has a simple suggestion for the beleaguered ditz:
Posted by maru at 2/20/2009 04:00:00 PM
February 19, 2009
Rethuglican token Michael Steele says that Gods Own Party needs a hip-hop' makeover
Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party's principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.Who let the dogs out? It worked out well for Mitt, didn't it?
Posted by Undeniable Liberal at 2/19/2009 04:23:00 PM