Douchebag of Liberty hospitalized

Just days after his hit-and-run with a helpless pedestrian, incontinent old geezer Bob Novak was admitted to a Boston hospital where he was diagnosed with a growth on his rectum.

In a written statement, Novak said: “On Sunday, July 27, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I have been admitted to Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, where doctors will soon begin appropriate treatment. Surely now I will be taken off the hook for plowing down that innocent bystander and driving off with him still firmly implanted in my front windshield.”