WTF Is It Now?!?

I FEEL SAFER ALREADY
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Bunker Boy Dick 'dick' Cheney spent Monday night at a "secure, undisclosed location," White House spokes-tool Ari 'the Liar' Fleischer said today, due to "heightened security precautions" on the eve of the nauseatingly-named 'Patriot's Day.'

The U.S. government today increased its terror threat warning level to brown high, a senior U.S. official said earlier. After last year's attacks, Cheney spent substantial time in undisclosed locations, such as a duck blind, to 'ensure a continuity of government' in case of an attack that would kill Little Lord Bunnypants.