WTF Is It Now?!?

New Alan Jackson Song Contains Even More Ignorant Patriotic Fervor
NASHVILLE, Tenn. (DPI) - Encouraged by the success of his hit single "Where Were You (When the Lights Went Out)," country star Alan Jackson has set to work on a sequel. In "Where Were You," Jackson expressed pride at not knowing the difference between Iraq and Iran. In his new single, "Where Was I (When Geography Class Was Going On)," Jackson spins yet another heart-warming tale of his lack of knowledge of all things non-American. In his new release, Jackson serenades listeners with his confusion between Austria and Australia, Switzerland and Sweden, and Cancun and Canada.
(Reported by Miles Walker).

Ridge Warns of Color-Sensitive Terrorist Threat
WASHINGTON (DPI) - Lowering the "actual" threat level from orange to yellow moves the "real" threat level up to red, Secretary of Homeland Defense Tom Ridge explained today. "Because terrorists are more likely to attack when they believe our citizens are less vigilant, it is important for Americans to become more watchful the very moment we tell them to be less so," said Ridge. He also noted that if the threat became so remote that a blue level, the lowest risk of terrorist threat, was ever introduced, the Administration would be forced to consider instituting martial law.
(Reported by Davejames) - link.