Commander Codpiece to mark start of 6th year of war in Iraq

Shock and aw-shit: Five years after launching his huge-ass flaming clusterfuck of Iraq, Stupie McRetard is making "some of his most expansive claims of success there," saying we stopped Saddam from exploding his weppins a' mass distru... no? We found all them whatchacall 'em dangerous aloominum tubes... no?? We mission accomplituded the whole 'democracy' thing... no??? We got Indiana market-like markets, like, all over Baghd... no???? Iraq oil is really helping to pay for the reconstruc... d'oh!!!!!

OK, here it is: the glorious surge has turned Iraq around, turned the tide, turned the corner, turned the page, has put the insurgency in its last throes, and caused the Iraqi people to greet us as liberators and uprise against Osama bin Laden. Who's actually been living in Pakistan.

With massive anti-war demonstrations going on around the country, aWol CommanderGuy speechified that, though we've scored a "major strategic victory," ... wait, what????

The surge was meant to tamp down sectarian violence in Iraq so that the country's leaders would have space to advance legislation considered key to reconciliation between rival communities. But any gains on the battlefield have not been matched by political progress, and violence may be has been increasing again. The Iraqis do not yet have a law for sharing the nation's oil wealth. Also unfinished is a plan for new provincial elections.

"On this grim milestone, it is worth remembering how we got into this situation, and thinking about how best we can get out," said Rep. John Dingell, D-Mich. "The tasks that remain in Iraq — to bring an end to sectarian conflict, to devise a way to share political power and to create a functioning government that is capable of providing for the needs of the Iraqi people — are tasks that only the Iraqis can complete."

Heckuva job, idiot. See also "Five years of Iraq lies: How Bush and his advisors have spent each year of the war peddling mendacious tales about a mission accomplished" and "Bamboozled."