Lemme read yall muh fayvrit part a’ “My Pet Goat’…

Drinky McDumbass, motivational speaker, on one of his toughest decision as president: "I had to pick a rug design for the Oval Office that reflected my optimism."

‘But Laura said no to th’ Spongebob Squarepants one!’

His optimism. Sigh.

Yep, after months of thankfully staying out of the public view – ‘a big outing was to a Dallas hardware store for flashlights’ because he couldn’t find his ass with both hands -- George W. Bush has hit the road. And this time it’s not with a "plastic bag on his hand" to scoop up shit. He’s left that to the rest of America to do after his eight disastrous years in office. Goddamn twerp.


Above: the former pretzeldent motivating the crew of the USS Flounder in 2003.