Swift boat vets still hounding Kerry
"We humble servants of truth will not stop until citizens are throwing garbage at John Kerry when they see him at the park."

At the center of the group's efforts is a $1.8 million television ad campaign that includes spots questioning Kerry's ability to make quick decisions in a fast-food line, leave adequate distance between his car and the next in heavy traffic, and take proper care of his lawn.

- from the Onion.


Heh.

I actually have to work today. WTF? Don't these people have homes??



We also serve, who only crawl about
Heroic yet nameless glow-worms honored with war monument.

Strap-on veterans for truth
'An organization dedicating to exposing the truth about the former drag queen now known as Ann Coulter.'


Former drag queen Pudenda Shenanigans.

Who would Jesus have S-M sex with?
Matanuska Christian School's principal has been fired and a teacher has quit over a disciplinary incident in which the principal had himself whipped in front of two male students in the school's basement last month after the boys were caught kissing girls in the locker room.

Clinton to ABC News: It's payback time, bitch

President Clinton's interview with ABC, on the opening of the Clinton presidential library, was for the most part a feel-good, nostalgic affair, as Clinton looked back on his presidency with ABC anchor Peter Jennings. But Clinton flashed real irritation when Jennings suggested some historians thought that Clinton's presidency had lacked "moral authority," without mentioning its having been tarnished by independent counsel Kenneth Starr's multiple investigations.

"You don't want to go here, Peter," snapped Clinton, who proceeded to criticize the reporting of ABC News, in particular, in the 1990s. "Not after what you people did and the way you, your network, what you did with Kenneth Starr. The way your people repeated every little sleazy thing he leaked. No one has any idea what that's like."

History will show that the Clintons were exonerated of all the Whitewater accusations and that the president was acquitted of all charges in the impeachment trial.

- Eric Boehlert, Salon.

Religious conservatives: national parks too gay
Where would Jesus park?

Debate over 'moral values' spills over into nation's landmarks, common sense.

Jebus wept
US State Dept threatens to review its relations with Ukraine if their government fails to investigate the allegations of election fraud.

Dignitude
Whose turn was it to dress him?

Is Bush's fly open?!

WTF news
Airline mistakenly sends couple's German shepherds to Germany.
Miniature cows!
A "compendium of indecency" from the DVM.
The story of the Donner party, as told by snowglobes.

Porking the taxpayers
"The fattest legislative hog that we have ever seen."

Congress approves budget for mariachi music, beaver management, feral hogs and asparagus technology.

Keepin' Merica safer
Rethugs, Pentagon 'major factors' in defeat of intelligence bill.

Senate intelligence committee chairman Pat Roberts said he held little hope that Congress could salvage efforts to address what he called systemic intelligence weaknesses, exposed dramatically by the Sept. 11 terror attacks and the Iraq war.

The landmark bill, which would have created the post of national intelligence director to oversee American spy agencies, with authority over the bulk of their combined budgets, was blocked Saturday after what lawmakers said was practically a rebellion by some conservative House Republicans.

Virginia paper drops bigoted, crackpot columnist
Couldn't happen to a nicer douchehole.

The Virginian-Pilot's editor, Marvin Lake, announced in a column responding to a reader's complaint about editorial balance at the paper that frothing psycho Michelle 'lock 'em all up!' Malkin had been dropped as a columnist because she was "too stridently anti-liberal."

Lake explained that "readers often took issue with her seemingly mean-spirited rantings and suggested that she be dropped. Well, she’s outta here."

Editorial writer Don Luzzatto told Lake: “I was really put off by her penchant for name-calling and ad hominem attack. I think we can do much better.”

Another editorial writer, Bronwyn Lance Chester, said: “I think she habitually mistakes shrill for thought-provoking and substitutes screaming for discussion. She’s an Asian Ann Coulter. I also think that, like Coulter, she says outrageous things just to get TV appearances and book deals. She’s the worst of what’s wrong with punditry today. She adds absolutely nothing to genuine political discourse.”

Unemployment rises in Ohio

Now you say that you're sorry
After being so untrue
Well you can cry me a river, cry me a river
Cry me a river, cry me a river
Cry me a river -
And I'll cry a river over you.

Going up! The new numbers are out and Ohio had more people out of work in October than any other state. The number of people shit out of luck went up from 354,000 in September to 373,000 in October, losing jobs in transportation, utilities, manufacturing and the hospital industry.


"Don't blame me - I voted for Kodos."

Heh
John Ashcroft's retirement card from the gang.

Partisan psycho butthole now working for CIA
No, the other butthole.

Until a few weeks ago, Patrick Murray was just another ambitious Capitol Hill staffer. As a top aide to Rep. Porter Goss, the Republican chairman of the House intelligence committee, Murray had a reputation as a sharp-tongued partisan lawyer. When Democrats on the committee asked the CIA for information, Murray would cut them off, reminding the agency that only requests backed by the Republican majority should be honored.

"He was just impossible," says one staffer who dealt with him. "He was sarcastic, snide and had this uncanny ability to push people's buttons."

One former CIA official told Newsweek that Murray leaned on him more than once to declassify information so he could use it to "embarrass the Democrats."

Morality and family values
Heartland hypocrites hooters.

For all their sanctimonious outrage over abortion, gay marriage and the Janet Jackson boob-a-thon, the 'real heart and soul of Merica' just can't get enough of their Playboy magazines, divorce decrees and those steamy television programs starring scantily-clad women.

Chief Justice Pubic Hair?
Roger Murdock: We have clearance Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor?
Tower voice: Tower has radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur! Over.
Tower: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower: Roger, over.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Captain Oveur: Huh?

- Airplane!, 1980.

Douchebag of Liberty and traitor Boob Novak writes that both Clarence Thomas and 'Arkansas Project' sleazebag Ted Olson are both 'strongly favored' by conservatives for the chief justice position should the ailing William Rehnquist take a dirt nap.

Spice-girl and Ozzy
Lousy picture. I need to get some kind of photoshop program.

Those wacky Germans

Thieves have stolen scantily clad garden gnomes from a gnome peepshow in an eastern German amusement park, park manager Frank Ullrich said on Thursday.

"The gnomes display naked body parts -- the same ones you'd expect to see in a human peep show," Ullrich said of his missing stars.

The adults-only attraction at Dwarf-Park Trusetal, where visitors peep through keyholes to see the saucy German miniatures in compromising poses, was smashed open early on Thursday morning.

Ullrich said he feared the gnomes would not be traced.

GOP embarrassed by tax returns measure
Fucking sneaks busted.

Congress passed legislation Saturday giving two committee chairman and their assistants access to income tax returns without regard to privacy protections, but not before red-faced Republicans said the measure was a mistake and would be swiftly repealed.