Senile old coot: 'cowpats! oatmeal! spatulas!'

Cranky old psycho is "aware of the Internet," damn kids on his lawn, says campaign aide Marky Poppins.

Analysis: McCain hampered by campaign missteps

Analysis: AP hampered by candidate's dong in mouth.

"Call it campaign growing pains. Or bad luck. Or a combination of the two..."

Or old age. Or constant flipflopping due to his pandering. Or Alzheimer's. Or stupidity. Or incompetency. Fuck, don't hand me that bullshit, AP, he's been campaigning since 2003. Shit.

The amount of suckage in this article is vomit-inducing. Read at your own peril. Though these should help counteract any effects: McSame flipflops and MORE McSame flipflops.

Makin' signiftude progress!

Defeatocrat b HUSSEIN Osama really should go to Iraq to see how well things are going --

At least 15 people were killed and 35 wounded when a female suicide bomber blew herself up among policemen having lunch north of Baghdad on Sunday.

Ahhhh, like an Indiana market in the summertime. At the point when that 98-year-old who can barely see his steering wheel, let alone over it, loses control and plows his Caddy into a bunch of screaming produce shoppers.

Also, in another corner of the market, one U.S. soldier was killed and five others were wounded by small arms fire southeast of Baghdad on Monday, the U.S. military said.


Above: in sufferable quisling Joe Lieberman visits a friendly open-air market in the heavily-fortified Green Zone.

Tweety pouting loudly in corner today

Tom Brokaw will host "Meet the Press" through the November election in place of Dick Cheney bunker-boy Saint Tim "mmmlrph!" Russert, leaving the "biggest horse's patootie on television" sulking at the top of his lungs. Good.

Facing a picture of Saint Ronnie of Reagan

With "Let The Eagle Soar" playing. Followed by the theme to "The Green Berets." Turned up to 11.

It's difficult to be proud of the United States, senator? Surely not for you and your fellow Republicans. Don't you wake up every morning and masturbate into an American flag?

-- yes, its this week's Top 10 Conservative Idiots!


Hey! Why's this flag so wet?!

Thomas Friedman just says no to drinking the Kool-Aid

Tells GameBoy McDoNothing to "lead or leave."

Yes, that Thomas Friedman:

"It is hard for me to find the words to express what a massive, fraudulent, pathetic excuse for an energy policy this is. But it gets better...

"[A real president would ... give us a big strategic plan to end our addiction to oil and build a bipartisan coalition to deliver it. He certainly wouldn’t be using his last days in office to threaten Congressional Jellyfish Democrats that if they don’t approve offshore drilling by the Fourth of July recess, they will be blamed for $4-a-gallon gas. That is so lame. That is an energy policy so unworthy of our Independence Day."

I can't believe he said "lame." ☺ I can't believe he criticized Il Presiduncie. ☺☺

Because they're whores?

Joe Conason (mostly): 'why the holy fuck is the WH press corpse so in the bag for the most-hated president of all time??'

"[W]hy has the White House press corps permitted Bush and Cheney to stonewall for years? How long will the press remain silent when it ought to be asking questions? If the vice president and the president deceived the special prosecutor, aren't reporters supposed to find out? Aren't they even curious?"

Joe, Joe, Joe. They're getting paid to swallow. Haven't you figured that out yet?

A glorious puntkick in the stinky repuke nutsac

"The latest Newsweek poll is headlined 'Barack's Bounce.' But this is no bounce. This is, instead, leaping retribution against the Bush administration, now that the primary smoke has cleared and the American mind is beginning to focus."

-- a comment over at BuzzFlash this morning.

Sweet, sweet retribution. Tastes like... victory.

Enema of the state

And it isn't a story about George Bush!

A monument to the enema, a procedure many people would rather not think about, has been unveiled at a spa in the southern Russian city of Zheleznovodsk.

The bronze syringe bulb, which weighs 800 pounds (363 kilograms) and is held by three angels, was unveiled at the Mashuk-Akva Term spa, the spa's director said Thursday.

"There is no kitsch or obscenity, it is a successful work of art," Alexander Kharchenko told The Associated Press. "An enema is almost a symbol of our region."

America's American American: brainwashed into not hating America

McInsane: "I didn't love America until I was held prisoner."


F**** fact: he was 31 years old at the time. More here.

Makin' signiftude progress!

Defeatocrat b HUSSEIN Osama really should go to Iraq to see how well things are going --

The U.S. military says an American soldier has been killed and five others wounded by roadside bombs northeast of Baghdad.

U.S.-funded reconstruction to rebuild an Iraqi city has been suspended because of a corruption probe.

Awww, he cares...

About himself, Saint McCain: maverick, douchebag. An aide to Iowa Gov. Chet Culver said Thursday that John McCain ignored the governor's request to cancel a campaign visit and showed up anyway for a political photo-op amid a massive flood recovery effort, trying up valuable resources needed for the actual water-related disaster.

(Note: story has changed from this morning. Now they're saying shucks, it was no big deal!)

Mood: totally fucking disgusted

"Bush praises lawmakers for allowing gov't eavesdropping"

Yeah... that pretty much says it all right there.

Fuckwits.

McBush nothing like Der Chimpleton

Really! Stephen Colbert on the many ways John McSame is different than Preznit Evil:

"It’s no secret that one of John McCain’s biggest challenges as a candidate is distinguishing himself from President Bush. I’m not sure why he’s eager to spurn President Bush’s supporters. I mean, that’s walking away from almost 29% of the American electorate and nearly half the Bush children.

"But he’s so different from Bush already. The only issues they agree on are education, immigration, Iraq, abortion, Supreme Court judges, Social Security, tax breaks for the wealthy, wiretapping, trade, healthcare, the Middle East, same sex marriage and Medicare."

-- Video at C&L.

McClellan: White House hiding details of CIA leak

Awesome.

"GOP insiders fret about what former White House spokesman Scott McClellan will say when testifying before House panel today...

The Honor 'n' Integritude misadministration "pushed false statement about leak": Snott tells Congress Bush and Cheney "wanted him to say that Cheney's chief of staff Scooter Libby wasn't involved in the leak of Valerie Plame's CIA identity, an assertion that turned out to be false. [H]e had harsh words for the White House, suggesting that the administration is continuing a cover up of the Plame case.

"He was instructed to mislead the public about the roles of Libby and former presidential adviser Karl Rove in the leak of Plame's identity and its aftermath."


"Ah don't see nothin', la la la..."

McCain suck-up watch

The WaComPo's incompetent pantload Michael Gershom blasts comedian/candidate Al Franken's "offensive vulgarity" and "viciousness," yet totally ignores the times Saint McCain called his wife a cunt and a trollop, the countless times he's snarled at colleagues to fuck off, his disgusting joke about Chelsea Clinton, and his mutual blowjobs with Joe Lieberman.

In a June 18 Washington Post column, citing writings and jokes that are years and even decades old, Michael Gerson criticized comedian and Minnesota Democratic senatorial candidate Al Franken for what he called Franken's "offensive vulgarity."

Gerson wrote: "The objects of Franken's humor are not merely mocked but dehumanized. His trashiness is also nastiness," adding, "At its best, politics can offer examples of civility and generosity that challenge selfishness and prejudice -- the tradition so far embraced by both John McCain {????? Touchhole. - Ed.} and Barack Obama. At the very least, politics should not actively push our culture toward vulgarity and viciousness. This is not prudery; it is a practical concern for the cooperation and mutual respect necessary in a functioning democracy. And it is hard to believe those causes would be served by a Sen. Franken."

However, in citing McCain as an "example of civility and generosity that challenge selfishness and prejudice," Gerson ignored McCain's previous personal attacks on Sen. Hillary Clinton, including an appearance at a 1998 Republican fundraiser where McCain asked "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."

McCain also tolerated an attack on Hillary Clinton as well as took a swipe at her during the presidential campaign. During a November 2007 campaign event in South Carolina, when a questioner asked McCain, "How do we beat the bitch?" -- referring to Hillary Clinton -- McCain responded that it was an "excellent question"

A brief look back at the courtly, civil and generous Saint McCain:

"Fuck you! This is chickenshit!" McCain to fellow republican Sen. John Cornyn.

"Only an asshole would put together a budget like this... I wouldn't call you an asshole unless you really were an a asshole." -- to Sen. Pete Domenici (causing Domenici --a republican -- to say, "I didn't want this guy anywhere near a trigger.").

"Are you calling me stupid?" Sen. Chuck Grassley to McCain. "No," replied McCain, "I’m calling you a fucking jerk!"

Takes one to know one, I guess.

Keepin' us safer!

Gawd --

The US military has lost hundreds of sensitive nuclear missile components, in the latest embarrassment for the Pentagon.

The latest incident comes after blunders which saw live nuclear warheads transported over US skies, and an accidental shipment of nuclear triggers to Taiwan.

First they came for the alleged "terrorists"...

Scary --

The framework under which detainees were imprisoned for years without charges at Guantanamo and in many cases abused in Afghanistan wasn't the product of American military policy or the fault of a few rogue soldiers.

It was largely the work of five White House, Pentagon and Justice Department lawyers who, following the orders of President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney, reinterpreted or tossed out the U.S. and international laws that govern the treatment of prisoners in wartime, according to former U.S. defense and Bush administration officials.

Phony soldier hates America, troops --

The two-star general who led an Army investigation into the horrific detainee abuse at Abu Ghraib has accused the Bush administration of war crimes and is calling for accountability.

In his 2004 report on Abu Ghraib, then-Major General Anthony Taguba concluded that "numerous incidents of sadistic, blatant, and wanton criminal abuses were inflicted on several detainees." He called the abuse "systemic and illegal." And, as Seymour M. Hersh reported in the New Yorker, he was rewarded for his honesty by being forced into retirement.

[T]he current Senate investigation has established definitively that the drive to make torture an instrument of U.S. policy originated at the highest levels of the Bush administration -- mainly in the circle that included Cheney, Rumsfeld and Addington. This group had come to Washington determined to implement its theory of "the unitary executive," which holds that presidential powers of all sorts have been dangerously diminished since the Vietnam War. The fact that these guys seem to have defined executive branch power as the ability to hold people in secret and torture them pushes the creepy quotient into areas that probably require psychoanalytic credentials.