McNuts campaign: F*ck the internets! John McCain invented the Blackberry!

Which he can't use because he was a prisoner of war for five and a half years.

A top McCain policy adviser says the senile old codger helped create the Blackberry personal digital assistant.

Which is huge news to Canadian company Research in Motion, the actual inventors.

Waving his device around in a room of startled reporters, Douglas Holtz-Eakin said, "You're looking at the miracle that John McCain helped create."

McCain, a Luddite born somewhere near the end of the Revolutionary War, has acknowledged that he doesn't know how to use a computer and can't send e-mail -- one of the primary functions of a Blackberry.

Holtz-Eakin-Hogg claims the incontinent grump's service on the Senate Commerce Committee put him at the intersection of a number of economic interests, including the telecommunications industry.

Which is sort of like saying you can see Putin's house from Moosehump, Alaska. Fuck. I want -- nay, I EXPECT -- this to be all over cable nooze, just like the Dean scream and 'Al Gore created the internet' bullshit. Here, let's start:

John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry! John McCain invented the Blackberry!