February 28, 2002

Pulling muscles from Michelle...

One of my coworkers in the cube next to me is holding forth in yet another of her damn coffee-klatsches. These happen at least once an hour. Some weaselly little twerp from a whole different department comes by for free chocolate (or gummi bears or whatever the crap-du-jour is) and they sit there scarfing down munchies, screaming like wounded beagles and cackling hysterically. I've developed a tic.

No, not that one........

Darwin Award Winners - no link, a friend sent them over:

26 March 2001, Florida | Many women try to reduce the size of their posteriors, but a few scrawnier specimens attempt the opposite. After exhausting a range less invasive home remedies such as wearing padded layers of underwear, a 53-year-old Fort Lauderdale woman persuaded an unlicensed underground "plastic surgeon" to boost her butt size by pumping it full of silicone in the comfort of her own living room. Hospital officials contacted police to report the suspicious death of the needle-marked woman, who had been delivered to the emergency room by rescue workers after suffering breathing difficulties in her apartment.

October 2001, Norway | A drunken robber, masked in his own underpants, presented a bank teller with a demand note and absconded with the money. But his gains were short-lived: his wife's name was written on the reverse side of the paper.

14 March 2001, Australia | Yet another inebriated man let alcohol impair his judgement. A 40-year-old Brisbane motorist filling a can at a gas station lit a cigarette... and landed fifteen feet away. He was treated for burns, bruises and (surprise) ant bites. A police spokesman said, "We took a vote and this is one of the stupidest things we've ever heard of." (Obviously they've never heard the soliloquies of the Smirking Sockmonkey...)

July 2001 | An Israeli woman nearly died when she sprayed pesticide in her mouth to kill a cockroach that had flown in. (WTF??!!?) The poison burned her mouth and left her hospitalized. "I just did not think," the 20-year-old admitted.