WTF Is It Now?!?

Der Fraudulent Fuhrer Still Chickening Out over Ridge's (Non-)Appearance at Important Senate Hearings

Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge is not expected to attend a series of homeland security hearings in the Senate starting this week, pissing off lawmakers weighing homeland security legislation. The Cowardly Cretin of Crawford administration's reluctance to produce Ridge has annoyed the hell out of both Democrats and Senate repukes. "How the holy f*ck are we supposed to get anything done here if the a$$hole in charge won't even show up?" groused one. "Both he and Napoleon Bonehead have a lot to answer to. Shit."

Powerful Appropriations Committee Chairman Robert Byrd (D-Big steel ones), said that without Ridge, the Senate would have to patch together piecemeal testimony from other members of the Chokin' Chicken administration.

"Because the White House continues to oppose Director Ridge's testimony, the American people will only hear pieces of a plan to address homeland security," Byrd said. "The one person with an understanding of all of the Administration's priorities will be absent."

Other key members of the Yellow Puddle of Texas's team are expected to show for the Appropriations Committee hearings beginning Tuesday, including Secretary of State Colin Powell, Attorney General John Ashcroft, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson and others.

Ridge's office did not return calls seeking comment. Buk buk buk buk buk! Our homeland security reichsmarshall is too f-ing chicken to come out of his secret fort and explain just what the hell he does. Unbelievable.