WTF Is It Now?!?

Today's Top Story: Ari the Liar gets engaged (to a human female!!) and Karen Huge goes slouching back to Texas. Hmmmmmmm.


Today

St George's Day 'Green George' was the spirit of spring, and his image was common in old church carvings, a human head surrounded by leaves or looking out of a tree trunk. Some called him the witches' god. George the dragon killer evolved from a mixture of Green George, the Northern hero Sigurd (Siegfied) the dragon-slayer and an Arian bishop of Alexandria who pot to death an orthodox Master of the Mint called Dracontius (dragon). St George was adopted as the patron saint of England in 1349 when Edward III founded the Order of the Garter.

33 Christian tradition says Jesus Christ, crucified three days earlier, was raised from the dead -- marking this date as the very first Easter.

1564 this date is believed to be the birthdate of William Shakespeare. Wacky thing is, he died 52 years later, also on April 23.

1789 President-elect Washington (one of our real, elected Presidents) and his wife moved into the first executive mansion, the Franklin House, in New York.

1896 movin' pitchers! The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a screen was demonstrated in New York City.

1933 The Gestapo is formed.

1951 Lenny Bruce, impersonating a priest, is arrested while soliciting funds for a leper colony.

1985 in what later would prove to be as big a fiasco as when GW Bush forced his 15-yr-old girlfriend to have an abortion, the Coca-Cola Co. announced it was changing the secret flavor formula for Coke.

1995 sportscaster Howard Cosell died in New York at age 77.

2001 USS Greeneville Cmdr. Scott Waddle was given a letter of reprimand as punishment for the submarine collision that killed nine people aboard a Japanese fishing vessel off Hawaii. Texas repuke bush donors were piloting the sub during the joyride-of-death and got off scotfree.



Word of the Day: Antagonist - Squinty the Pinhead and Barney became bitter antagonists after the Barney beat him at checkers for the third straight time.




Last Night on Crossfire

Bob Novak: The interesting thing about Earth Day is that my children, who are now in their 30s, when they were little kids, they went to school. And the teachers tried to brainwash them on Earth Day, tried to teach them that cars were bad, and the industry was bad, and all the people that Paul attacks because they work for business were bad. And it didn't work. Both of my kids are more conservative than I am. So isn't this a kind of a metaphor for America, that all the propaganda that you and your people have been putting out on Earth Day just hasn't worked, and the American people are not just that much interested in it?

Congressman Edward Markey: It does demonstrate, without question, the strength of the genetic code in your family. And beyond that, I don't think it has any other application. [I]n this administration, GOP, which used to stand for Grand Old Party, now it stands for Gang of Polluters, because all they really care about now is taking care of the agenda of these energy elites in our country.

Novakula: Congressman Markey, I'd like to put up on the screen a poll taken by the Harris Organization last month. And they asked the American people what are the most important issues, terrorism, 24 percent; economy 24 percent, tied for first. Third place, education, 14 percent. Then there are about four more issues. And down in eighth place, the environment 2 percent. If you think you're going to win all those suburban districts, Ed Markey, with something that 2 percent of the people think is the most important issue, aren't you making a political blunder of the greatest magnitude?

Mr Markey: Well, if I'm making a big blunder, then you're making a big blunder having a show on it if only 2 percent of the public is interested.

Boob Novak: Let's cut it off right now.

The Congressman: So obviously this issue has huge implications, not just in suburban America, that's wrong, because it's something that touches every person in the country. We now have 8 million children with asthma. We have 25 million Americans total with asthma. And there's been a dramatic rise over the last 35 years in our country. And because of that, it's becoming a major public health issue. And the American Heart Association, the American Lung Association, the American Medical Association are now signaling pollution as a cause...

Boob: As a former asthmatic, it's mostly psychosomatic anyway.

Mr Markey: Well, in your case maybe.





Head WH Nursemaid Quits! Needs to "Spend More Time with her Family"!

White House nanny/dominatrix Karen Hughes said today she's resigning from White House to return to Texas, but will continue advising Preznit Poopypants from afar. "Later this summer, I'm going to be changing the way in which I serve the 'president'. My husband and I have made a difficult but we think right decision to move our family home back to Texas," Hughes said in a surprise announcement. - Very interesting. Wonder what scandal is ready to break?! Or maybe it's that she finally just got damn sick and tired of babysitting/coaching Resident Dumbass, and cleaning up the official "transcripts" of the idiot's blather at photo-ops. Poor Karl is certainly going to have his hands full now.

Hughes is under strict orders from the Moron of Midland to be in every White House meeting where major decisions are made. She reviews and rewrites every statement he is due to make. She travels with him to make sure pictures of his road trips match the message. She manages more than 40 aides who staff the communications, press secretary, speechwriting and media affairs offices. WTF is also pretty sure she tells him bedtime stories, warns him not to run thru the WH with scissors, makes sure he finishes his glass of milk and changes his underpants every day.




The Toxic Tinhorn mutilates a tree
for Earth Day photo-op as weather says
"f*ck you'.


Photo-op a major disaster: stuck behind snowplows, Resident Evil's entourage gets lost and has to stop to ask for directions from road crew, networks bail

I'm laughing so hard my sides hurt.

Harsh winter conditions greeted Hopalong Noodlehead, in northern NY to celebrate Earth Day and be close to nature. Instead of manfully posing in shirtsleeves, he was forced to huddle inside a trailer on the side of a road to avoid the elements. Walking on a muddy, cold trail in the snow, Laura's Little Loser stopped to hammer some nails as reporters watched. "Get them moving," the Smirking Moron told an aide. "That way I won't have to nail so many of these things." Secret Service personnel were warned in advance to wrestle the hammer to the ground if the Incompetant Impotus even came close to driving in his own finger.

The event, intended to celebrate the great outdoors, would be held in the ski lodge. At noon, when the now-indoors Earth Day celebration was to begin, the room was almost completely empty. The audience, relocated from the outdoor site, was being held downstairs for security screening. Workers on ladders hastily nailed American flags to the wall, covering up the skis that had been there. Cameramen assembled their equipment atop plastic cafeteria tables. Young volunteers rushed in with rustic-looking armchairs.

"Thank you for a warm welcome on a snowy day," said the casually attired Boob from Kennebunkport when the event finally began, half an hour behind schedule. Claiming inspiration from the conservationist president, Theodore Roosevelt, the Fratboy Fraud spoke of his family's pride at owning a ranch*. "For us, every day's Earth Day," he said. "If you own your own land, every day is Earth Day." Tell that to the folks in the Rockies - and anywhere else you're thinking about drilling, you clueless nincompoop.

*the pig farm, Bunnypants Bunker or the 'Lazy W'. Yeah, I'm sure his daughters are overjoyed.