WTF Is It Now?!?

Hot hot hot and humid. Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhh.



More Moments of Churchilliana: "They should celebrate heartily because we have freedom and we love freedom," - the Oaf of Office, Wisconsin, 7/2/02.


How to win friends and influence people
Do the opposite of the following examples:

- To the open dismay of its allies, the United States appears prepared to paralyze U.N. peacekeeping operations from the Middle East to Central Africa unless it secures a guarantee that American personnel will be protected from the new International Criminal Court - a condition that backers of the court consider legally and politically untenable.

- US military officials in Afghanistan have refused to apologise following the mistaken bombing of an Afghan wedding party on Monday which killed at least 30 people, insisting that aircraft had come under sustained and hostile fire.

- President Junior has kept at least one campaign promise: he said he'd run the country like a business, and that he has surely done. The Bush administration looks more like Enron or WorldCom everyday: all smoke and mirrors economic projections, make-believe accounting, bigshots cashing in while everybody else's savings vanish, and zero accountability.

- When someone tells you they're fighting for freedom of religion, there's a good chance they're really fighting for their freedom to make you follow their religion. Post 9-11 the Bushies decried Taliban fanaticism (after sucking up to them, after funding them), but Mullah Omar looks nearly enlightened in light of the recent paroxysm of Bible-thumping among American leaders. The United States is substantially more religiously diverse than Afghanistan, not that you could tell by watching Bush, his Cabinet, the Supreme Court and the U.S. Supreme Court.



Quotes of the Day: "Our personal trainer the president, up and running after his colonoscopy (I did not need to know about that), is trying out a new role - Scourge of Corporate Misbehavior. This has approximately the same effect as opening the refrigerator door and finding Fidel Castro inside. Smoking a cigar. 'Hard to believe' barely begins to hint at the surrealism of this development." - Molly Ivins.



WorldCom Call Center - Phone Script #238
Dealing with phone calls from those pricks at the SEC:

IMPORTANT
Items to avoid:

It is extremely important that you never say the following lines when on the phone with an investigator from the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC):

* I'm sorry, I can't hear you. (yelling into the background) Hey Walt! Can you please stop shredding papers for a minute so I can hear this bastard from the SEC?!
* We couldn't possibly accept charges for this collect call. This place is fucking bankrupt.
* Wait, I gave that $3.2 billion deposit to Uncle Billy.
* I'm sorry, we seem to have a bad connection - or - it could be on account of the fact that my phone's earpiece is stuffed with cash.
* I've temporarily stopped the state-required recording of this phone call because I'd now like to engage in some illegal activity.
* FDIC? We don't need NO stinking FDIC!
* Ha! ENRON? Buncha lightweights!
* Yes, Martha Stewart did stop by to have lunch with the CFO.
* Yes, I am interested in changing my long distance plan to Sprint.
* Please wait while I transfer you to my rectum.
* Oh hey, yo it's the SEC! Listen, can I give you a call back? My mom is like, dying, or something like that on the other line.
* Go ahead, talk, it's your 3.8 billion.

Note: Some of the above lines may be appropriate when on the phone with representatives of the Republican National Committee (RNC).


From Lost Brain News.