WTF Is It Now?!?

Death Licks Dick Cheney's Skull, Cringes
The family of Sen. Paul Wellstone asked the wan deathly flower-wilting visage of Vice President Dick Cheney to stay away from Tuesday night's memorial for the late senator, in part to spare mourners from excessive security screenings, but also mostly because Cheney is a sniveling sickly GOP snake who most likely openly hated the very liberal and outspoken Wellstone and hence Cheney's presence within a 500 mile radius of the gravesite would undoubtedly cause the senator's frustrated ghost much dis-ease and would undoubtedly cause the surrounding hollow corpses and malevolent spirits if not the spectre of Death itself to sense the presence of one of their own and want to reach up out of the wormy soil and grab Cheney's thick pale veiny alien ankles as he stood there snickering like a constipated hyena by the gravesite and try to drag him back down to the steaming reeking hellpit from whence he and Lynney spawned, which would have undoubtedly totally disrupted the Wellstone funeral proceedings and really annoyed the caterers. - Mark Morford, SF Gate Morning Fix, via email.