WTF Is It Now?!?

Justice Dept. finally launches criminal probe
Huge eye-roll by American public ensues.

The decision to open the investigation was made by career counterespionage section chief John Dion, without the consultation of the attorney general, as is standard practice, the department said. The Justice Department asked the FBI and the CIA to preserve relevant records; requests were apparently not made of the Pentagon or the State Department. Huh.

AG Crisco John Ashcroft refused to answer questions about the investigation, including whether there is an inherent conflict in his department's investigating allegations of wrongdoing by his buddies in the senior Bush misadministration officials.

Democrats, however, called for an independent investigation.

"It would be very difficult to put John Ashcroft in the position of investigating the very people who hired him for the job," Tom 'Isadora' Daschle said. "We don't have confidence in John Ashcroft ... and we know without a doubt that somebody broke the federal law."

"If somebody did leak classified information, I'd like to know it and we'll take the appropriate action," the unelected dumbass said. "And this investigation is a good thing."

It was an embarrassing development for a president who promised to bring integrity and leadership to the White House after years of Republican criticism of the Clinton administration.

"Leaks of classified information are a bad thing. There's too much leaking in Washington," Bunnypants said. "I want to know who the leakers are."

Senator Frank Lautenberg, along with eight of his colleagues on the Senate Governmental Affairs Committee, sent a letter to WH Chief of Staff Andy Card calling for the Bush misadministration to 'take every step necessary' to preserve evidence that might be relevant to the investigation.