WTF Is It Now?!?

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I can see the strings!
What an embarrassment.

"I was waiting for a reference to the missing strawberries or our precious bodily fluids." - jimmymac

I almost had to hand it to him: for most of his opening statement Chimpy seemed pretty coherent. Then he blew it. He started his existential blathering near the end of the speech, and it all went downhill from there. During the question period he looked totally pithed. I think even the press corpse was in shock. And did he ever actually answer one question that was put to him?? I mean, in a way that made sense?

What an ordeal - but there was one bright spot when I almost lost it. It was the expressions on Karl and Condo's faces as they sat in the audience - they looked like they were ready to blow a gasket, but at that point it was hard to say if it was due to the questions Smirky was getting or because he was performing so dreadfully. And what was with that tie? Was he hoping it would hypnotize the press?

'[H]is responses to questions were distressingly rambling and unfocused.' - the NY Times.

"There's no question it's been a tough, tough series of weeks for the American people. It's been really tough for the families. I understand that. It's been tough on this administration." - the indolent vacationing deserter Smirky McGolfcart.

Q: Mr. President... how do you answer your opponents, who say that you took this nation to war on the basis of what have turned out to be a series a false premises?

aWol: Well, let me step back and review my thinking prior to going into Iraq. First, the lesson of September the 11th is, when this nation sees a threat, a gathering threat, we've got to deal with it. We can no longer hope that oceans protect us from harm. Every threat we must take seriously.

[Al Qaida was responsible for killing Americans, so we attacked Iraq! It's simple!]

Saddam Hussein was a threat. He was a threat because he had used weapons of mass destruction on his own people. He was a threat because he coddled terrorists. He was a threat because he funded suiciders. He was a threat to the region. He was a threat to the United States...

[No #ucking proof for any of that. And when was the last time he 'gassed his own people'? In the 80s? With the gas the US had sent him?]

I went to the UN, as you might recall, and said, either you take care of him, or we will. Any time an American President says, if you don't, we will, we better be prepared to. And I was prepared to. I thought it was important for the United Nations Security Council that when it says something, it means something, for the sake of security in the world. See, the war on terror had changed the calculations. We needed to work with people. People needed to come together to work. And, therefore, empty words would embolden the actions of those who are willing to kill indiscriminately.

[There are so many things wrong with that statement that my head is ready to come apart]

The United Nations passed a Security Council resolution unanimously that said, disarm or face serious consequences. And he refused to disarm.

[He did not refuse to disarm! He had no arms! He was giving the inspectors free rein! Gah!!!!!]

Q: To move to the 9/11 Commission. You, yourself, have acknowledged that Osama bin Laden was not a central focus of the administration in the months before September 11th. "I was not on point," you told the journalist, Bob Woodward, "I didn't feel that sense of urgency." Two-and-a-half years later, do you feel any sense of personal responsibility for September 11th?

Squinty: Let me put that quote to Woodward in context. He had asked me if I was -- something about killing bin Laden. That's what the question was. And I said, compared to how I felt at the time, after the attack, I didn't have that -- I also went on to say, my blood wasn't boiling, I think is what the quote said. I didn't see -- I mean, I didn't have that great sense of outrage that I felt on September the 11th. I was -- on that day I was angry and sad: angry that al Qaeda had -- well, at the time, thought al Qaeda, found out shortly thereafter it was al Qaeda -- had unleashed this attack; sad for those who lost their life.

Your question -- do I feel --

Q: Do you feel a sense of personal responsibility for September 11th?

The Unelected Fraud: I feel incredibly grieved when I meet with family members, and I do quite frequently. I grieve for the incredible loss of life that they feel, the emptiness they feel.

There are some things I wish we'd have done when I look back. I mean, hindsight is easy. It's easy for a President to stand up and say, now that I know what happened, it would have been nice if there were certain things in place; for example, a homeland security department. And why I -- I say that because it's -- that provides the ability for our agencies to coordinate better and to work together better than it was before.

I think the hearings will show that the Patriot Act is an important change in the law that will allow the FBI and the CIA to better share information together.

[What?? In other words, no. This misadministration will not take responsibility for anything.]

Q: Mr. President, I'd like to follow up on a couple of these questions that have been asked. One of the biggest criticisms of you is that whether it's WMD in Iraq, postwar planning in Iraq, or even the question of whether this administration did enough to ward off 9/11, you never admit a mistake. Is that a fair criticism? And do you believe there were any errors in judgment that you made related to any of those topics I brought up?

The aWol Liar: Well, I think, as I mentioned, it's -- the country wasn't on war footing, and yet we're at war. And that's just a reality, Dave. I mean, that's -- that was the situation that existed prior to 9/11, because the truth of the matter is, most in the country never felt that we'd be vulnerable to an attack such as the one that Osama bin Laden unleashed on us. We knew he had designs on us, we knew he hated us. But there was a -- nobody in our government, at least, and I don't think the prior government, could envision flying airplanes into buildings on such a massive scale.

[Wrong again!!! Jebus! But nobody called him on that one, either.]

Q: Thank you, Mr. President. Two weeks ago, a former counterterrorism official at the NSC, Richard Clarke, offered an unequivocal apology to the American people for failing them prior to 9/11. Do you believe the American people deserve a similar apology from you, and would you be prepared to give them one?

Smirky the Meatpuppet: Look, I can understand why people in my administration anguished over the fact that people lost their life. I feel the same way. I mean, I'm sick when I think about the death that took place on that day. And as I mentioned, I've met with a lot of family members and I do the best I do to console them about the loss of their loved one. As I mentioned, I oftentimes think about what I could have done differently. I can assure the American people that had we had any inkling that this was going to happen, we would have done everything in our power to stop the attack.

[La la la la la...]

Q: Mr. President, why are you and the Vice President insisting on appearing together before the 9/11 Commission? And, Mr. President, who will you be handing the Iraqi government over to on June 30th?

aWol: We will find that out soon. That's what Mr. Brahimi is doing; he's figuring out the nature of the entity we'll be handing sovereignty over. And, secondly, because the 9/11 Commission wants to ask us questions, that's why we're meeting. And I look forward to meeting with them and answering their questions.

[Bunnypants, flustered, desperately tries to find a Fox News reporter]

Q: I was asking why you're appearing together, rather than separately, which was their request.

aWol: Because it's a good chance for both of us to answer questions that the 9/11 Commission is looking forward to asking us, and I'm looking forward to answering them.

[Bush looks like he's ready to soil his pants]

Let's see --

Q: Mr. President --

[Bush: 'shit shit shit!' Panics, looks around, spots someone from the Moonie Times]

aWol: Hold on for a minute. Oh, Jim.

[The other reporters start mumbling amongst themselves at this point as they realize Squinty will NOT be answering that question]

Q: Thank you, Mr. President.

aWol: I've got some 'must calls,' I'm sorry.

In closing...
A free society doesn't have to worry about terrorism?

Uh...Ok(lahoma City), Mr 'president.'

- Obey the tie.

Oh, and get a haircut.