May 29, 2004

"They could have told us ahead of time!"
After two days of conflicting statements and mixed signals on the urgency of the terrorist threat Crisco John Ashcroft and Tom Ridge late Friday issued a joint statement implying they had both gotten their asses reamed.

The move appears designed to show unity in the Bush administration's efforts to protect the home front, reported CNN.

Homeland Security director/werewolf Tom Ridge
awaits his transformation in order to rip out
AG Ashcroft's throat.

Update: Ashcroft’s sources for this latest bullshit warning have turned out to be "highly suspect," as the claims were made by 'a largely discredited group."

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