WTF Is It Now?!?

Klingons for Kerry

The incumbent has staked his campaign on the war on terror. But those who speak the language of the Trek warrior race - known to disdain dishonor, or quvHa'ghach - seem alienated by Iraq and other issues.

According to the poll of eight local Klingons, a whopping 75 percent support the Democratic nominee.

Bush scored an abysmal zero percent in the poll.

"A good war is based on honor, not deception," says K'tok (Earth name: Clyde Lewis), a 40-year-old Klingon from Lair Hill. "The first warrior, pResident Bush, deceived us all with this war."

Portland Klingon speakers are increasingly influential. Last year, Multnomah County's mental-health services opened a search for a Klingon interpreter to work with speakers of the language. Though the Klingons polled all appeared to be registered voters, they emulate an unfamiliar political system.

"On the home world, if there had been a contested election between Gore and Bush, the honorable thing would be for Gore to kill Bush," explained Khraanik (Earth name: Jason Lewis), a 38-year-old from Southeast Portland.