WTF Is It Now?!?

"I think I owe an explanation to the American people"
Bunnypants catapults the propaganda at a news con today:

"Ruhmember: 'benchmarks.' Benchmarksbenchmarksbenchmarksbenchmarks. An' adjustin.' Constintly. Constintly adjustin'."

We're not stayin' th' course. We're adaptin' our tactics to help the 'raqi govmint gain control a the security sitchation. Our goals are unchangin'. We are flexible in our methods to achievin' those goals. On the military side, our commanders on the ground are constantly adjustin' our tactics to stay ahead of our enemies. Ah know many 'mericans are not satisfied with the situation in Iraq. Ah'm not satisfied, either. And that is why we're takin' new steps to help secure Baghdad, and constantly adjustin' our tactics across the country to meet the changin' threat. Of a radical ideol - ideog - ideology that can't stand freedom. An' so we've made changes throughout the war, we'll continue to make changes throughout the war. What will work is a strategy that's constantly -- tactics that constantly change to meet the enemy. An' that's what I was describing in my speech, we're constantly adjustin'. We're constantly adjustin' our tactics to achieve victory. An' that's important for the American people to know, that we're constantly changin' tactics to meet the situation on the ground.

"As General Casey reported yesterday in Iraq, 'the men and women of the Armed Forces... have never lost a battle in over three years in the war.'"
What, except the four times we've been driven out of Fallujah, and that time that US commander said we've totally lost Baghdad...? They can't even secure the road to the airport, for crying out loud.

"Al Qaeda's on the run!"
To Afghanistan, where attacks have increased 300%! (see below)

"The idea that we need to coordinate with [the Prime Minister] is a -- makes sense to me."
Good idea... except for that raid on Sadr City this morning we never told him about...

"I speak to him quite frequently, and I remind him we're with him, so long as he continues to make tough decisions."
You know, ones that we agree with. If not, all bets are off.

"What happens if your brother or sister had been assassinated by Saddam Hussein and his political party? You'd be -- you wouldn't be happy about it."
Criminey.

"You said 'timetable.' Excuse me. I think you were referring to 'benchmarks'."
I also said 'president.' I was really thinking 'asshole.'

Bonus: David Gregory pimpslaps the little fucker --

Q: Mr. President, for several years you have been saying that America will stay the course in Iraq; you were committed to the policy. And now you say that, no, you're not saying stay the course, you're adapting to win, that you're showing flexibility. And as you mentioned, out of Baghdad we're now hearing about benchmarks and timetables from the Iraqi government, as relayed by American officials, to stop the sectarian violence.

In the past, Democrats and other critics of the war who talked about benchmarks and timetables were labeled as defeatists, defeat-o-crats, or people who wanted to cut and run. So why shouldn't the American people conclude that this is nothing from you other than semantic, rhetorical games and all politics two weeks before an election?

Jerky McSmirkton: David, there is a significant difference between benchmarks for a government to achieve and a timetable for withdrawal... That is substantially different, David, from people saying, we want a time certain to get out of Iraq. As a matter of fact, the benchmarks will make it more likely we win. Withdrawing on an artificial timetable means we lose.

Now, I'm giving the speech -- you're asking me why I'm giving this speech today -- because there's -- I think I owe an explanation to the American people, and will continue to make explanations...

Later....

Chimpenstein: Last question, Richard.

Q: Thank you, Mr. President. Back in 2000, you campaigned around the country saying you wanted to usher in the responsibility era, to end the days when people said, if it feels good, do it, and if you've got a problem, blame somebody else. Yet over the last several months, we've seen many members of your own party in Congress embroiled in one scandal or another and all too ready to blame somebody else, whether prosecutors, or Democrats, or even the media. So I'm wondering, why do you think it is so many people in your own party have failed to live up to the standards of the responsibility era?

Smirky McSimpleton: Look, squirrels!

- m

"Ah'm th' Decider, an' ah've decided this news conf'rince is over!"
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