WTF Is It Now?!?

Official: Cheney strong-armed DOJ on domestic spying program
In new written testimony, former deputy attorney general James Comey confirmed that Dick Cheney was up to his evil, Lynne-encrusted eyebrows in the whole illegal unconstitutional wiretapping scandal.

Comey’s disclosures indicate that Cheney and his aides were more closely involved than previously known in a fierce internal battle over the legality of the program. Comey also said that Dick Cheney personally blocked the promotion of a career DOJ lawyer who raised legal objections to the warrantless wiretapping program.

The disclosures also provide further details about the role played by then-White House counsel Alberto Gonzales, who visited Ashcroft in his hospital room --

"How are you, General?" Gonzales asked Ashcroft at the hospital, according to Comey.

"Not well," replied Ashcroft, who had just undergone major gallbladder surgery and was also battling pancreatitis.

"Well, it would be a real shame if you got any worse, if you know what I mean," Gonzales may have said, brandishing a pillow.

"Mr. Comey has confirmed what we suspected for a while -- that White House hands guided Justice Department business just like Rush Limbaugh's hands bringing home a jelly donut," said Sen. Chuck Schumer, sort of. "The vice president's gummy fingerprints are all over the effort to strong-arm Justice on the NSA program, and the obvious next question is: Exactly what role did the president play?"

A White House spokesman declined to comment, but Bush himself spoke out during a break in the G8 summit in Europe.

"I played Hopalong Cassidy!" he piped.