Friday Funnies-Wide Stance Edition

"Don't kid yourself, this Craig is in a tough spot. When you're up for re-election, you don't want to be known as 'The Restroom Don Juan.'" --David Letterman
"The guy was arrested for lewd behavior in the men's room, and I'm thinking, 'Well, hell. I'm lucky if I can get a hand dryer to blow'" --David Letterman
"Senator Larry Craig ... declared he won't quit and he's not gay. And then Craig said 'I'm sorry. I meant to say I won't quit being gay.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Now there's more trouble for Senator Craig. First he's accused of soliciting gay sex at an airport. Now's he accused of soliciting gay sex at a train station. Craig denied the charges and said if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for a big night at the bus terminal." --Conan O'Brien
"Idaho Senator Larry Craig is now being called the hole from Idaho." --Jay Leno
"A lot of people are calling Senator Craig a hypocrite because he was a very vocal opponent of same-sex marriages. ... But to be fair, he has never come out publicly against anonymous gay bathroom sex." --Jay Leno
"This whole thing has to be very frustrating for the Republican Party. All these gay sex scandals and they still can't get any support from Hollywood." --Jay Leno
"The arresting officer said their eyes met through the crack in the bathroom stall door, which is ironic because that's how I met my wife." --Jay Leno
"Because of the scandal he had to resign his position on the Mitt Romney campaign. ... So not much chance of getting his mitts on Romney now." --Jay Leno
"Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, a married, very anti-gay conservative Republican, was arrested by a plainclothes police officer for lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport men's room. Today the senator's office said it was all a big misunderstanding. Apparently what happened was when the senator went in to use the restroom, he accidentally grabbed the wrong penis." --Jay Leno
"The undercover police officer said the senator tried to reach under the stall to touch him, but the senator said, no, he wasn't trying to touch him, he was only trying to pick up a piece of paper off the floor. Who picks up paper off the floor in the men's room? I don't even like when my shoe laces touch the floor in the men's room." --Jay Leno
"You know who I feel sorry for in this whole thing? The undercover cop. How'd you like to have that job. Sit in an airport bathroom all day, your pants around your ankles with a coffee and a donut waiting for guys to hit on you." --Jay Leno
"Sen. Craig is married. Apparently he told his wife, don't worry about having dinner ready to me. I'm going to wolf down a hot dog at the airport." --Jay Leno
"The Democrats may have control of the House, but the Republicans have control of the bathrooms." --Jay Leno
"There's another scandal in Washington. One of the senator's from Idaho, Larry Craig, was arrested in airport men's room. Gives new meaning to the word 'caucusing.'" --David Letterman
"Sen. Craig said he made a mistake by pleading guilty. And I was thinking, maybe that was your second mistake." --David Letterman
"The way I look at it, anyone who spends more than two minutes in an airport men's room is guilty of something." --David Letterman"
Larry Craig ... has pled guilty to lewd guilty in a men's room. ... The senator said I wanted to reach out to all my constituents and their penises." --Conan O'Brien