September 25, 2007

Newtered!!

Oh Yeah! If Newt Gingrich can raise $30 million in the next three weeks, he'll hop in the presidential race seeking the Republican nomination.
Perhaps Newter thinks his marital history won't matter. Why even bother examining his political record, let's take a look at his almighty family values:

In 1981, Newt dumped his first wife, Jackie Battley, for Marianne, wife number 2, while Jackie was in the hospital undergoing cancer treatment. Marianne and Newt divorced in December, 1999 after Marianne found out about Newt's long-running affair with Callista Bisek, his one-time congressional aide.
"In May 1999, however, Gingrich called Marianne at her mother's home. After wishing the 84-year-old matriarch happy birthday, he told Marianne that he wanted a divorce."
Newt, then age 57 and Callista, age 34, were married in a private ceremony in a hotel courtyard in Alexandria, Va. in August, 2000.

Extra Double Bonus: Newt has admitted having an extra-marital affair during the Clinton impeachment proceedings.

4 comments:

Kiki said...

Wasn't one of those wives his former TEACHER? Like, from high school? I think it was the first one.

No chance in hell is America going to elect a president named "Newt".

ml said...

Newt, now with extra douchiness.

Nick Z. said...

That's a LOT of alimony. Now we know where all the sell-out fascist-capitalists in the U.S. govt come from.

Hey, it's not so bad, with a trickle-down economy. Especially when most of the triclin down is paying off alimony to multiple ex-wives, right?

Screw the poor hit by Katrina, there are ex-wives waiting for their alimony out there, lots of 'em!

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