November 28, 2007

Wingnut Lessons in Good Parenting.

If you're unlucky like me, you occasionally get some ridiculous chain email from some wingnut relative or co-worker of yours that assumes you and everyone he knows wants to hear how funny he thinks some racist/homophobic/sexist/xenophobic/jingoistic bullshit propaganda is. Over at my place, I've turned it into somewhat of a hobby, collecting and posting the best of the bunch. But the one I got yesterday takes the thoughtless right-wing knuckle dragging cake. By far. I've never really read anything quite like it.

--------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Asshole
Date: Nov 20, 2007 3:19 AM
Subject: Fwd: Why are we at war??
To: xxx
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 12:11:16 -0600
Subject: Why are we at war??

The other day, my nine year old son wanted to know why we were at war. My husband looked at our son and then looked at me. My husband and I were in the Army during the Gulf War and we would be honored to serve and defend our Country again today. I knew that my husband would give him a good explanation. My husband thought for a few minutes and then told my son to go stand in our front living room window.

He said "Son, stand there and tell me what you see?"

"I see trees and cars and our neighbor's houses." he replied.

"OK, now I want you to pretend that our house and our yard is the United States of America and you are President Bush."

Our son giggled and said "OK."

"Now son, I want you to look out the window and pretend that every house and yard on this block is a different country" my husband said.

"OK Dad, I'm pretending."

"Now I want you to stand there and look out the window and pretend you see Saddam come out of his house with his wife, he has her by the hair and is hitting her. You see her bleeding and crying. He hits her in the face, he throws her on the ground, then he starts to kick her to death. Their children run out and are afraid to stop him, they are screaming and crying, they are watching this but do nothing because they are kids and they are afraid of their father. You see all of this, son....what do you do?"


"What do you do son?"

"I'd call the police, Dad."

"OK. Pretend that the police are the United Nations. They take your call. They listen to what you know and saw but they refuse to help. What do you do then son?"

"Dad.......... but the police are supposed to help!" My son starts to whine.

"They don't want to son, because they say that it is not their place or your place to get involved and that you should stay out of it," my husband says.

"But Dad...he killed her!!" my son exclaims.

"I know he did...but the police tell you to stay out of it. Now I want you to look out that window and pretend you see our neighbor who you're pretending is Saddam turn around and do the same thing to his children."

"Daddy...he kills them?"

"Yes son, he does. What do you do?"

"Well, if the police don't want to help, I will go and ask my next door neighbor to help me stop him." our son says.

"Son, our next door neighbor sees what is happening and refuses to get involved as well. He refuses to open the door and help you stop him," my husband says.

"But Dad, I NEED help!!! I can't stop him by myself!!"

"WHAT DO YOU DO SON?" Our son starts to cry.

"OK, no one wants to help you, the man across the street saw you ask for help and saw that no one would help you stop him. He stands taller and puffs out his chest. Guess what he does next son?"

"What Daddy?"

"He walks across the street to the old ladies house and breaks down her door and drags her out, steals all her stuff and sets her house on fire and then... he kills her. He turns around and sees you standing in the window and laughs at you. WHAT DO YOU DO?"


"WHAT DO YOU DO?" Our son is crying and he looks down and he whispers, "I'd close the blinds, Daddy."

My husband looks at our son with tears in his eyes and asks him.


"Because Daddy.....the police are supposed to help people who needs them... and they won't help.... You always say that neighbors are supposed to HELP neighbors, but they won't help either...they won't help me stop him... I'm afraid.... I can't do it by myself Daddy..... I can't look out my window and just watch him do all these terrible things'm just going to close the blinds.... so I can't see what he's doing........and I'm going to pretend that it is not happening."

I start to cry. My husband looks at our nine year old son standing in the window, looking pitiful and ashamed at his answers to my husband's questions and he says...


"Yes, Daddy."

"Open the blinds because that man.... he's at your front door... "WHAT DO YOU DO?"

My son looks at his father, anger and defiance in his eyes. He balls up his tiny fists and looks his father square in the eyes, without hesitation he says: " I DEFEND MY FAMILY DAD!! I'M NOT GONNA LET HIM HURT MOMMY OR MY SISTER, DAD!!! I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM, DAD, I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM!!!!!"

I see a tear roll down my husband's cheek and he grabs our son to his chest and hugs him tight, and says. .. " It's too late to fight him, he's too strong and he's already at YOUR front door should have stopped him BEFORE he killed his wife, and his children and the old lady across the way. You have to do what's right, even if you have to do it alone, before its too late." my husband whispers. THAT scenario I just gave you is WHY we are at war with Iraq. When good men stand by and let evil happen son, THAT is the greatest atrocity in the world. "YOU MUST NEVER BE AFRAID TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!" BE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN! BE PROUD OF OUR TROOPS!! SUPPORT THEM!!! SUPPORT AMERICA SO THAT IN THE FUTURE OUR CHILDREN WILL NEVER HAVE TO CLOSE THEIR BLINDS..."

This should be printed in every newspaper and posted in every school in America. Of course that won't happen so we'll use the internet. If your blinds are closed do nothing with this email. If they are open I do not need to tell you what to do.

Hitler would be proud.



big em said...

Whoo! That's some SERIOUS low-end distortion there -- kinda like cranking the volume & bass ALL THE WAY at the same time!

No since spending the time to address all the fallacies, other than to say that there's undoubtedly a LOT more people in world (ie; Central/South America, the Mid-East, East Timor, Indonesia, etc) who would say that the malfactor's name in the story should be changed to 'Uncle Sam'.

Undeniable Liberal said...

Stalin would be proud too. Aren't YOU the lucky one, Jason to recieve such uplifting patriotic email.
Yup big em, the dude down the street beatung his wife IS uncle Sam.

julian said...

Stupid stories and bad metaphors aside, it reads like child abuse.

Who condones this shit?

ml said...

That kid is one big WATB. Whaddapuss!

Bustednuckles said...

Now pinned to the wall at the 101st keyboarders headquarters.
Somebody's fantasy got a little out of hand there,Jonah, is that you?

Donna said...

Child abuse masquerading as parenting.

Anonymous said...

Jesus H. Fucking Christ.
Trite, simplistic, sappy, and an analogy that has nothing to do with why BushCo invaded Iraq. Beautiful.
I could throw-up.

Mae said...

I'll tell ya what to do, if your blinds are open- stand in front of the window and shove it.

Anonymous said...

funny, this reminds me of a post i wrote at my blog some time back...

start reading, if you like, at the part that says "supposing for instance that you come into my neighborhood and try to take it by force because it would be a good place to bulldoze and build some pricey condos. me and my friends get some sticks and rocks and drive you off, and i happen to bounce one off your head and kill you..."

i think i've written the same post, like, 97 times.


Anonymous said...

Hmm... I don't recall Saddam dragging his wife outside and beating her. Seems like making up lies to start wars comes real easy for some fascists... too easy.

We can only hope that such fascists eventually get a major taste of their own medicine!

Anonymous said...

First move: CALL SOCIAL SERVICES and get some protection for this child.

Second move: PUT THE SENDER on permanent iggy.

Third move: Involves whatEVER you keep in the liq cabinet........


HRH King Friday XIII said...


neo-cons have some serious daddy issues!!!!!!!

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