February 15, 2008

Larry Craig receives pansy-assed slap on his limp, limp wrist

(Well, after horrible icestorms, power failures, and what may have been a migraine, I'm back. Hugz to Undie Lib for doing all the work these past few days!  ♥♥♥ )

The bipartisan, worthless Senate "Ethics" Committee wasted everybody's time and ruled Wednesday that not-gay gay Sen. Larry Craig "acted improperly" and probably illegally in his tasteless, tawdry quest for anonymous cock, yet did not call for his removal from the Senate.

The six members of the committee — three Democrats and three Republicans — told Craig they believed he “committed the offense to which you pled guilty” and that “you entered your plea knowingly, voluntarily and intelligently.”

"We consider your attempt to withdraw your guilty plea to be an attempt to evade the legal consequences of an action freely undertaken by you — that is, pleading guilty," they added.
The panel also admonished Craig for showing the arresting officer a business card that not only identified him as a U.S. senator, but included the slogan 'Cornholing the Public Since 1776!'
The committee wrote, “You knew or should have known that a reasonable person in the position of the arresting officer could view your action and statement as an improper attempt by you to use your position and status … to receive special and favorable treatment.”
Plus a blowjob.
The panel also chided Craig for using more than $213,000 in campaign funds to pay legal and public relations fees without approval from either the Ethics Committee or the Federal Election Commission.
I'm convinced that our fucking Senators are actually Vogons. I'm only surprised they didn't read horrible poetry to him afterwards.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

But...I thought ... Blowjobs + lying=impeachable crime of the century?? Did I miss the segue? Oooohhh yeeaaahhh THAT'S RIGHT, it was the 2000 election when there was a polarity switch between right & wrong. Sorry - my mistake.

Undeniable Liberal said...

Pre 9-11 thinking, big em.

Anonymous said...

Touche, Big Em.