Compassionate conservatudeness

Humanitarian Dick 'tator' Cheney turned down a request to oversee the Katrina recovery effort -- because ‘he doesn’t do touchy-feely.’ Or 'human.'

Just after Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast in 2005, Dick Cheney refused [figurehead] Preznit Cokemonkey's request to head up a “cabinet-level task force” aimed at speeding the recovery effort, the new book on the twisted, angry cyborg reports.

“I asked Dick if he’d be interested in spearheading this,” Bush announced. “Let’s just say I didn’t get the most positive response.”

“Will you at least go do a fact-finding trip for us?” Bush asked.

“That’ll probably be the extent of it, Mr. President, unless you order otherwise,” Cheney replied.

Bush, reading between the lines and back across the sights of the vice president's rifle, did not.