Friday Funnies

"The Labor Department announced that over 1,100 lawyers lost their jobs last month. Think about it. So lawyers are losing their jobs. ... CEOs are being forced to work for a dollar a year. Ann Coulter's jaw is wired shut. In many ways, this could be the greatest Christmas ever." --Jay Leno
"In a speech this morning, Barack Obama said, 'This isn't about big government or small government. It's about building a smarter government.' When he heard this, President Bush said, 'I get it. I get it. I'm leaving.'" --Conan O'Brien
"A lot of people have forgotten about President Bush, but this transitional period is a busy time for President Bush as well. He's busy granting pardons. Today, he pardoned Sarah Palin for her interview with Katie Couric." --David Letterman
"Big relief today. The stock market is up 270. My 401(k) is now only practically worthless. Folks, this is great, because yesterday the Dow fell almost 700 ... dows. Money points? Stockos? 700 stockos. Now personally, I blame the geniuses at the National Bureau of Economic Research, who thought it would be a good idea to announce yesterday that we are now in a recession. Terrible move. Everyone knows you keep bad news to yourself, holding it deep inside, until eventually it kills you" --Stephen Colbert
The most fun of these exit interviews with the president is going to be watching the news anchors try to delicately assess whether this president realize just how bad he has f***ed this thing up [on screen: Gibson asking Bush various questions, trying to gauge what he thinks the American people think about his presidency. Gibson also asks Bush if there was an 'uh-oh' moment]. An 'uh-oh' moment? Why do we have to talk to this jackass like he's four? When did foolhardy war and economic collapse become 'uh-oh' moments? Mr. President, I have a question. Did you make a boom boom in the Middle East? Look at me, I'm asking you a question!" --Jon Stewart