January 21, 2009

World hails 'United States of Obama'

Except for tiny bands of troglotards, huddling around comfortless fires fueled by their own sad and desperate farts.

Newspaper front pages around the world were unanimous Wednesday in celebrating the momentousness of Barack Obama's inauguration as U.S. President.

"Let's rebuild America," said the front page of France's Le Figaro, over a photograph of a smiling Obama swearing the oath of office.

"The Promise," said Liberation, hailing the "United States of Obama."

"3CYPR CBET!" trumpeted Serbia's Vecernje Novosti, spraining itself.

"Remaking America," said the Daily Telegraph in the UK -- a theme carried by many other newspapers worldwide -- while the Daily Mirror preferred: "Reborn in the USA."

The Sun featured a picture of a well-endowed young woman in a bikini over a caption reading "Inaugural balls!"

Then there are these guys:

"From a 'shining city on a hill' to false 'hope'. How did it come to this?" one freetard wrote from his mom's basement.

"President Obama’s inaugural speech was supposed to be one of the great inaugural addresses of all time. It was supposed to encourage us, to inspire us. Instead, it deflated us," moaned townhell.com's virgin Ben, popping the drying spunk-bubbles on his loafers.

"President Obama's Inaugural Address? Clich├ęd, surprisingly dull, naive, and memorable only insofar as it was forgettable," pouted petulant princess Wynton Hall, already missing the oratorial magnifitudeness of Chimpy McFailure, moron, fake cowboy.

"We will shortly become like France!!!" screamed hideous, toe-sucking midget Dick Morris.

But it wasn't all acrimony and tears: some nutbar at the kkkollinsreport exalted that from now on "White guilt is dead. Today, I’m feeling a little 'uppity,' if you will. From this day forward, my tolerance level for having my skin color hustled is now exactly ZERO."

Seriously. Go fuck yourself.