GOP to Cheney: "go piss up a rope"

"Please don't shoot us, but you're not helping, really," cowering rethugs tell the deranged cyborg from behind a protective concrete slab.

Congressional republicans are imploring Dick Cheney to go back to his undisclosed location and leave them alone.

Displeased with the former vice-president's recent media appearances, rethugs say he's hurting GOP efforts to "reinvent itself" after back-to-back electoral drubbings and its daily WATB carping, moaning, obstructionism and hyperpartisanship.

The veep, who showed a penchant for secrecy, torture and using the Constitution as a buttrag during his eight years in the White House, has popped up in media interviews to defend the Bush-Cheney record which everyone knows was a total fucking disaster.

Rep. John Duncan Jr. (R-Tenn.) said, “He became so unpopular while he was in the White House that it would probably be better for us politically if he wouldn’t be so public."

Another House Republican who requested anonymity said Cheney is not helping the GOP cause.

The legislator said Cheney, whose approval ratings were lower than the flaming failure that was Preznit Lawnornament, didn’t think through the political implications of going after Obama.

Cheney did “House Republicans no favors,” the lawmaker said, adding, “I could never understand him anyway.”
Cheney’s office declined to comment for this article.

(Slightly paraphrased for clarity)