April 3, 2009

A day in the life of Bill O'Reilly

7:00 AM -- woken up by 'Little Billy' again

7:15 -- loofahed myself vigorously in the shower

8:00 -- pondering who next to add to my Enemies List. There has to be someone I missed

8:45 -- Manuel hit a pot-hole driving me into work today. He does this again I'm firing him

9:05 -- loofahed myself vigorously in my favorite stall. Tipped the attendant in case he heard something

10:00 -- Enemies List getting unwieldy. Started a Double-Secret Enemies List. I'll show them

11:20 -- my teleprompter guy has asked for a raise. Who the fuck does he think he is? I'm listing him

1:35 PM -- lunch, followed by a satisfying loofah. Couldn't find anyone to play squash with so I put them on my list. I'll show them all

-- I'm making myself sick. Actual non-story at the NY comPost, here.

2 comments:

Grandpa Eddie said...

I hope this asshole's head explodes.

julian said...

"So I do softball, ice hockey, neighborhood sports."

Are you kidding me? Only foreigners (icky!!)say "ice hockey"!! To North Americans it's simply "hockey". Can you imagine that gelatinous doughboy in hockey gear? I'd love for him to play in my neighborhood league. He's be gone in 5 minutes.