April 3, 2009

A day in the life of Bill O'Reilly

7:00 AM -- woken up by 'Little Billy' again

7:15 -- loofahed myself vigorously in the shower

8:00 -- pondering who next to add to my Enemies List. There has to be someone I missed

8:45 -- Manuel hit a pot-hole driving me into work today. He does this again I'm firing him

9:05 -- loofahed myself vigorously in my favorite stall. Tipped the attendant in case he heard something

10:00 -- Enemies List getting unwieldy. Started a Double-Secret Enemies List. I'll show them

11:20 -- my teleprompter guy has asked for a raise. Who the fuck does he think he is? I'm listing him

1:35 PM -- lunch, followed by a satisfying loofah. Couldn't find anyone to play squash with so I put them on my list. I'll show them all

-- I'm making myself sick. Actual non-story at the NY comPost, here.