April 22, 2009

His master's voice

Excerpts from drooling fuckpipe Sean Hannity's interview with sensei Dick "dick" Cheney:

SEAN: So how's that retirement thing working out for you, my lord?

CHENEY: It's okay, I guess. I haven't blown anyone's head off in a damn long time. Thanks for asking, though. Now get your hand off my leg before I slap you in irons.

SEAN: Obama -- just how big a fascist socialist commie Nazi is he?

CHENEY: I'm concerned. I think there needs to be a national debate. There should be a national debate.

Clue: there was. In November. It was called the election. You lost.

SEAN: How dangerous is this dangerous fellow Obama, anyway?

CHENEY: 9/11, Sean.

SEAN: Exactly. Isn't Obama telegraphing weakness? Did I get that right?

CHENEY: Thanks for feeding me my lines, Hannity. You're doing very well. Ahem... Our most important obligation responsibility is to read their rights to the people we capture, that we're going to treat them -- we're going to Mirandize them before we do anything else. And by "anything else" I mean "torture the heathen bejeebus out of them in horrible and humiliating ways."

SEAN: Leon Panetta worked for Bill Clinton.

CHENEY: Thank you for invoking the Clenis. And please remove your lips from mine.

SEAN: Sum it up in saying you think they're naive, that they don't -- is it that they don't understand the nature of evil in the world? I mean-- and we'll get into maybe some of the specifics. Would you shake hands with Hugo Chavez? Would you bow before the Saudi king?

CHENEY: Uh... they're oil guys, you little toad. So not in public, anyway.

SEAN: What do you conclude? Do you conclude it's they're naive, that maybe they don't understand the nature of the war on terror?

CHENEY: 9/11. So, yeah. Now, maybe we won't behead their people when they capture them. I mean, it's just -- it says something about a mindset that I worry about very much.

SEAN: Ditto. Gosh, you are so awesome! Did I do OK?

CHENEY: You did just fine, padawan. Now assume the position. And don't make me tell you again.

{Slightly paraphrased for clarity}

5 comments:

Grandpa Eddie said...

Excellent job of paraphrasing Maru. ;)

Jeff said...

the tenacious at TPM have this:

U.S. torture apologists could learn a thing or two from the Interior Ministry in the United Arab Emirates.

ABC News obtained a videotape smuggled out the UAE showing the crown prince's brother torturing a man with whips, electric cattle prods, and wooden planks with protruding nails before pouring salt in the man's wounds and running over him with a Mercedes. A man in police uniform also appeared on the tape, aiding the sheik.

the video:
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Blotter/story?id=7402099&page=1

big em said...

Jeff - good thing that the UAE is one of our oil allies, so you can be sure that it was benevolent torture/killing and nobody really got hurt... not like when one of our enemies do their torture/killing (or even verbal criticism)-- then it's evil/inhumane/uncivilized/barbaric and against the conveniently recalled Geneva Convention.

Capt. Bat Guano said...

The Bush family and their royal Saudi freinds, birds of a feather flock together.

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