July 20, 2009

Breaking....

The Borowitz Report:

In what some on Wall Street are calling the biggest blockbuster deal in the history of the financial sector, Goldman Sachs confirmed today that it was in talks to acquire the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

According to Goldman spokesperson Jonathan Hestron, the merger between Goldman and the Treasury Department is "a good fit" because "they're in the business of printing money and so are we."

The Goldman spokesman said that the merger would create efficiencies for both entities: "We already have so many employees and so much money flowing back and forth, this would just streamline things."

Mr. Hestron said the only challenge facing Goldman in completing the merger "is trying to figure out which parts of the Treasury Dept. we don't already own."

Goldman recently celebrated record earnings by roasting a suckling pig over a bonfire of hundred-dollar bills.

Elsewhere, conspiracy theorists celebrated the 40th anniversary of NASA faking the moon landing.

And in South Carolina, Gov. Mark Sanford gave his wife a new diamond ring, while his wife gave him an electronic ankle bracelet.
Word!

7 comments:

thesmoots said...

OMG - That would be so funny if it wasn't so true.

Undeniable Liberal said...

Hard to separate fact from satire these days, eh?

Monkeyfister said...

NAILED IT!

Fantastic find, Brother!

--mf

Beaverboy said...

I heard the Sanfords are featured in a photo shoot for next months issue of Bitter Homes & Gardens.

Really! The things you hear on the internets these days.

Rhode Island Rules said...

Chelsea Clinton's fiance is a Goldman-Sach's investment banker whose father was a Congressman who went to jail for financial fraud. See how it all knits so closely together?

Flores Hayes said...

a great find for panda fanatic!
my roommate and i LOVE this bag
hkpanda.freetzi.com

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