Creepy old asshole to retire, blames his own party

Senile crank and noted douchebag Jim Bunning announced on Monday he would not seek re-election, turnips, handsome young fellas to come over an' mow his lawn.

"Some of the leaders of the Republican Party in the Senate have done everything in their power to dry up my fund-raising," said the incontinent curmudgeon, 77. "The simple fact is that I have not raised the blueberries necessary to rooter an doogadget flummery for the U.S. whatsit."

Good riddance, asswipe.

Bonus: Bunning was rated as one of "America's five worst Senators" in 2006 by Time magazine, his fellow Senators, and his own staff, and the same in 2009 by Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and his own Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell.

Well, sort of.