Moral values
Coming on the heels of the record-breaking, $100-million clergy sex abuse settlement in California last week, the Roman Catholic Diocese of Spokane filed for bankruptcy on Monday, saying it did not have the money to cover lawsuits filed against the clergy. Spokane is the third Catholic diocese to file for bankruptcy recently due to sexual abuse scandals.
Moral values II
How the homosexual lifestyle is destroying fam Pastor charged with sexual exploitation of child
First Assembly Of God Church fires reverend - A Des Moines youth pastor and married father of four has been charged with the sexual exploitation of a 17-year-old he started an affair with this spring.
December 7, 2004
It's present wrapping season! Follow this step-by-step 
Evangelicals to repubs: fire those homos!
Religious rightwingnuts are starting to get their morally superior genitals in a bunch over all the homosexuals working in the senior ranks of the Republican party, AmericaBlog reports.
In fact, they're coming right out and saying that the GOP should "not employ key personnel who don't hold the conservative views that the party promotes."
"If someone is going to run the day-to-day operations for the Republican apparatus to elect US senators across the country, then dog-gone-it, it better not be somebody who practices a lifestyle that is diametrically opposed to the evangelical Christian base that delivered George W. Bush and the Republicans in the Senate the victory they saw in November."RNC chairman Ken Mehlman - they're coming for you.
New CIA reports: Iraq a disaster, and getting worse
New reports warn of more violence and offer a 'bleak assessment on matters of politics, economics and security.'
The cable, sent late last month as the officer ended a yearlong tour, followed several other such warnings from officials in Washington and in the field.There's a surprise.
The reports are much more pessimistic than the public picture being offered by the Bush administration.
Squinty McStupid, War Preznit®, downplayed the report on Monday, saying "After all, look at our own history. We had great principles enunciated in our Declarations of Independence and our Constitution, yet, we had slavery for a hundred years."
Even the top American military commander in Iraq agreed with the report - at first. However, he may be "voicing objections" now that he's had time to think it over.
December 6, 2004
I'm burdening you with my downer
It's Monday, I have a cold and probably pms, and I'm looking at the news headlines coming in, thinking you know, so WHAT.
Yay
Jon Stewart's book America (The Book) named Book of the Year by Publishers Weekly. Novakula, Douchebag of Liberty, heard grinding his teeth in his coffin.
In announcing the award Monday, Publishers Weekly called the book "a serious critique of the two-party system, the corporations that finance it and the 'spineless cowards in the press' who 'aggressively print allegation and rumor independent of accuracy and fairness.'"
Giggling war criminal wins Orwell award
For the second consecutive year, George W. Bush has been named the winner of the National Council of Teachers of English's Doublespeak Award.
The Doublespeak Award is an ironic tribute "to American public figures who have perpetuated language that is grossly deceptive, evasive, euphemistic, confusing, or self-contradictory."
Bush, the committee decided, "has set a high standard for his team by the inspired invention of the phrase, 'weapons of mass destruction-related program activities.'
In its official announcement, the committee also took note of the president's description of an open forum as a place where "you're able to come and listen to what I have to say."
It also gave dishonorable mentions to Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld for describing the torture of Iraqi citizens at Abu Ghraib as "the excesses of human nature that humanity suffers" and for changing the Vietnam-era term, "body bag" to the innocuous sounding "transfer tube."
The Doublespeak Award is an ironic tribute "to American public figures who have perpetuated language that is grossly deceptive, evasive, euphemistic, confusing, or self-contradictory."
Bush, the committee decided, "has set a high standard for his team by the inspired invention of the phrase, 'weapons of mass destruction-related program activities.'
In its official announcement, the committee also took note of the president's description of an open forum as a place where "you're able to come and listen to what I have to say."
It also gave dishonorable mentions to Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld for describing the torture of Iraqi citizens at Abu Ghraib as "the excesses of human nature that humanity suffers" and for changing the Vietnam-era term, "body bag" to the innocuous sounding "transfer tube."
Sorry. I slept most of the weekend, and I'm still tired.
Winning hearts and minds
"Blow them all away in the name of the Lord." - Jerry Falwell, reverend, asshole.
The US has zero credibility among Muslims, the Duh Institute reports.
The UK's Sunday Herald reported last week that "The Pentagon has admitted that the war on terror and the invasion and occupation of Iraq have increased support for al-Qaeda, made ordinary Muslims hate the US and caused a global backlash against America because of the 'self-serving hypocrisy' of George W Bush’s administration over the Middle East."
- DU's top ten conservative idiots.
December 4, 2004
When the going gets tough
... its time to leave in order to spend more time with your family before they're all killed.
Thank you, Mr Sunshine:
Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson resigned Friday, warning of a potential global outbreak of the flu and health-related terror attacks.
"For the life of me, I cannot understand why the terrorists have not attacked our food supply because it is so easy to do," he said.
"For the life of me, I cannot understand why the terrorists have not attacked our food supply because it is so easy to do," he said.
... even though we're supposed to be so much safer now.
"It's time for me and my family to move on to the next chapter in our life," he said. "Before it's too late..."
"beer!" and not "dammit!" is a good sign.
December 3, 2004
Update
A pic of the banninated Phil the Sore, in all his glory. Watch the ad, then read the comic book!
Dueling quotes
From Russia with love
Bunnypants bitchslapped by soul brother.
In keeping with the spirit of National Backwards Day, Pooty Poot calls US policy 'dictatorial'
Russian President Vlad Putin accused the United States on Friday of pursuing a dictatorial foreign policy and said mounting violence could derail progress toward bringing peace and democracy to Iraq.
Putin also criticized the West for setting double-standards on terrorism, pursuing Islamic fundamentalists in Afghanistan and Iraq while giving refuge to terrorists demanding Chechnya's independence from Russia.
Putin also criticized the West for setting double-standards on terrorism, pursuing Islamic fundamentalists in Afghanistan and Iraq while giving refuge to terrorists demanding Chechnya's independence from Russia.
Millions of wasted dollars later...
Is attention whore and puckery asswipe Kenneth Starr just begging for huge amounts of smeg-encrusted clothing to be sent to his home or office?
National Backwards Day off to flying start
Bush to award Iraq war bunglers Paul Bremer, George Tenet, and Gen. Tommy Franks with Presidential Medals of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor.
Fa la la la ahhhh!
The 4 ½ inch George W. Bush Christmas ornament 'makes a unique gift for friends and family who respect and support our nation’s leader,' or for those who always wanted to see what he'd look like in drag.
Full disclosure
The White House today released papers detailing their involvement with Enron and the Valerie Plame/Abu Ghraib scandals, and supplied the list of attendees for the vice president's energy task force... what? Oh. Never mind.
National Backwards Day inaugurated as the Bush misadministration demands a “full and open” accounting from the UN.
Hi, I'm Mike Ditka and I need to get laid
Apparently it's perfectly OK to talk about putting the boots to someone or watch a toenail being pulled off by a cartoon dermatophyte, but after that there's a line that cannot be crossed.
Los Angeles health officials are having trouble finding a TV station willing to air a public service announcement about syphilis that employs a lumpy, red cartoon character named “Phil the Sore”.
Genitals - they're icky.
Update: here's another link if the first one doesn't work.
Moral values
Homosexual marriages destroy fam Sorry, that should read 'Southern California diocese settles clergy sexual abuse cases - sources say payout will be largest in scandal's history.'
87 victims of sexual abuse by the clergy late Thursday announced a settlement in what sources said will be the largest payout in the history of the Catholic Church abuse scandal.
Nice
I'm at work even though I still have a fever and the top of my head feels like it's about to fly off, because yesterday when I called in my boss asked me to come in today. Evidently he was under the impression that I took the day off yesterday just to knit beer cozies® or romp about defacing garden gnomes or something.
® Pesky Apostrophe.
December 2, 2004
Jebus
Bush said Thursday that Iraq's elections must not be delayed from their scheduled date, rejecting calls from more than a dozen political parties there to postpone them until security at the polls can be ensured.
[The irony-challeged #uckwit] also weighed in on the election crisis in Ukraine, saying more forcefully than he had previously that other countries must not meddle as that country sorts through the disputed vote.
If there is to be a new election, as many government leaders and Ukrainian demonstrators have demanded, it "ought to be free from any foreign influence," Bush said.
[The irony-challeged #uckwit] also weighed in on the election crisis in Ukraine, saying more forcefully than he had previously that other countries must not meddle as that country sorts through the disputed vote.
If there is to be a new election, as many government leaders and Ukrainian demonstrators have demanded, it "ought to be free from any foreign influence," Bush said.
The Bush ecomnitude
The number of Americans filing new claims for jobless benefits jumped an unexpectedly large 25,000 last week. A new government report said 349,000 filed for unemployment insurance during Thanksgiving week, more than was forecast.
Did Bush lie about the Fallujah attack to influence the US election?
Amid a debate over the use of misinformation by the U.S. military, the Pentagon says it is investigating an October incident in which a Marine spokesman gave CNN misleading information about an attack on the Iraqi city of Falluja.
In an October 14 interview from Iraq, 1st Lt. Lyle Gilbert announced that a major U.S. military operation was under way in Falluja -- three weeks before the offensive that eventually recaptured the city began.
A senior Pentagon official told CNN that Gilbert's remarks were "technically true but misleading." It was an attempt to get CNN "to report something not true," the official said.
In an October 14 interview from Iraq, 1st Lt. Lyle Gilbert announced that a major U.S. military operation was under way in Falluja -- three weeks before the offensive that eventually recaptured the city began.
A senior Pentagon official told CNN that Gilbert's remarks were "technically true but misleading." It was an attempt to get CNN "to report something not true," the official said.
Great White North gives big chill to warmongering #uckwit
Canadian elite refuse to suck up and pander to smirking, murdering cowboy.
The warm standing ovation that greeted Bush on his way into what had been billed as a feel-good event turned to stony silence once the president began talking about actual policy.
Bush exhorted Canada to fan out with him in the fight against terror, exporting it abroad and punishing terrorist-friendly states, blocking regimes seeking weapons of mass destruction while also joining his missile shield.
He paused for emphasis while delivering a handful of lines scheduled to draw applause, but quickly moved on when most landed with a thud.
Bush exhorted Canada to fan out with him in the fight against terror, exporting it abroad and punishing terrorist-friendly states, blocking regimes seeking weapons of mass destruction while also joining his missile shield.
He paused for emphasis while delivering a handful of lines scheduled to draw applause, but quickly moved on when most landed with a thud.
December 1, 2004
Spiffy
New six-minute preview of the extended version of Return of the King.
Best product warning ever: "Never aim balls at another person's face or an animal. Do not shoot anything other than the balls provided."
A new record set for greed. The entire US Congress manages to make Porker of the Month.
Makin' progress
... in Squinty McStupid's bloody, flaming fiasco war
Asshat
Despite the fact that they distribute drugs, pathetic gasbag Rush Limbaugh would like to inform you that the Red Cross hates America.
"Why yes, I AM a douchebag."
'Christ on a fishstick' quickly becoming my favorite expression
Bidder pays $804 for a cereal grain that looks like E.T.
I have a potato that looks like Dick Cheney's nutsack...
Survey
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