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Art teacher narcs out student
Let freedom ring

Drawings of the Chimp-in-Chief by a 15-year-old boy led to him being questioned by the Secret Service after his dumber than a bag of rocks art teacher told school officials about the drawings, and they called the police.

The kid was not arrested, but the school district 'has taken disciplinary action but refused to say what it was.'

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OK, who's the joker?
Imagine my surprise when going through my pile of mail, I came across a big envelope from the allegedly drug-free Ed Gillespie and the merry troglodytes of the rethug national ausschus. And it wasn't even a warning. It was a signed poster of the lying fascist punk looking "thoughtful" (he wasn't drooling, at any rate), thanking me for my support.

At least it wasn't the one of him stuffed like a manly sausage in that flightsuit.

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They got my vote
California lays the smackdown on Diebold after "deeply troubling" "glitches" in electronic voting software.

Fun fact: Wally O'Dell, the CEO of Diebold, said last August that he was "committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the President next year."

Douchebag.

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Can't make this stuff up
The Army wants to add 'anthrax' to the Weather Channel's allergy alert list.

Did Dumbya have a stroke? Well, it sure would explain a lot.

Satellite imagery spots "man-made" object on Mount Ararat, excavation to find Noah's Ark scheduled.

Researcher plans expedition off the coast of Cyprus to prove existance of Atlantis.

Ancient meteorite impact blamed for Wisconsin geologic anomaly, fried cheese curds.

Ghost hunters search Liverpool's oldest pub for signs of the supernatural and other spirits.

The New Jersey encyclopedia hits bookstores today.

What does your phone number spell?

'Mein fuhrer! I can walk!'
I don't know where I'm going with this, it was just the first thing that popped into my head when I read this story.

What we've always suspected...
Dick 'Chicanery' Cheney, neonazi nutbag, is actually running the country - while the "president" sits in his secret fort under the Oval Office desk playing with his Happy Meals figurines.




Meanwhile, on planet Fk-wit
The Dems are still trying to find their peckers with both hands...

John Kerry and Democratic Party chairman Terry McAuliffe will try to go on the offensive the next few days, targeting Cheney in ads and speeches as he grumblingly leaves his crashcart-and-steak-lined bunker to try to defuse what could be another explosive week for the misadministration:

On Tuesday, the Supreme Court, fingers in their ears as they look at photos of Dick an' Nino's neat duck hunting trip, hears arguments to name the members of Cheney's secret energy task force.

Bunnypants and Cheney testify together and in private Thursday before the commission investigating the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

And another banner {ahem} day on Saturday, which marks the first anniversary of the AWOL punk's visit to the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln, where, under a giant banner proclaming "Mission Accomplished," he declared the end of major combat in Iraq.

Most of the more than 700 US troops killed in Iraq died after this little stunt. 111 have been killed so far this month alone.



Gawd. First Ted Kennedy, arch-liberal, now grating flake Terry McAuliffe. The repukes are going to have a #ucking field day.

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And the lawn needed cutting
I've been doing laundry, shopping, cleaning up, and playing with 3 new baby kittens! Tigger, one of the strays, had them last weekend in the cat igloo on the back deck. Two are gray-striped, and one is orange. Doomed! Do I dare keep another? Can't...resist...orange...cats....

Bed.
See you tomorrow.
:)

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Goo-gah freedom
"It felt like rubbernecking a highway accident made entirely of words." - Get Your War On comments on the Bush press conference.

Is anyone still there?

We got back last night, after a week in Jeb!World. Thursday and Friday the southern half of the state was practically under martial law, awaiting a whirlwind visit from the Environmental pReznit, George W, who was flying in to make a speech at a nature preserve. I'm surprised lightning didn't strike him dead on the spot. He was only maybe a mile down the road from where we were staying, and though my hosts had seen fit to tie me to a beach chair and ply me with margaritas beforehand, I was still able to take a stand in my own little First Amendment Zone, until they took away my already meager computer access. I spent the rest of the evening abusing Brit Hume and Fred Barnes on Faux Nooze.

Did you know their new slogan is 'fair and balanced - and unafraid'? What the #uck kind of bravery does it take when they get their talking points straight from Karl Rove's pucker?

Oh, and no offence, but AOL s-u-x. Though in all fairness, it was probably their dial-up. Some days it seemed to take forever to get connected, and once I dealt with all the buddy pop-ups and AOL help screens it was time to get disconnected. I never was able to get to blogger.

So what did I miss?!

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PSM
I'll be taking a week off starting tomorrow, and the roommates will be too busy drinking my scotch and smoking my cigars to cover for me, damn them. Hope to see you all when I get back, or earlier if I can find a computer.

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Emperor Snippy's revenge
This just in, from patr1000:

Bush IS vengeful. Ask a tough question, get relegated to the back rows or don't get invited again. Did you notice that Helen Thomas was conspiciously absent last night? Well, now I just heard on the radio that Mike Allen, who grilled Bush why he had to testify with Cheney together (without ever getting an answer), is being moved to the back rows as well.

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Some reactions to Bunnypants' core breech
CNN is such a whore.

'He stopped, shook his head, looked quizzical and then came up empty.'

'Meandering soliloquy.'

"I was depressed." - conservative strategist William Kristol.

'Evasive strategy when responding to questions and pathological inability to admit ever making a mistake.'

'Long on resolve but short on details'

Nobody called out, "So when will you say something?"

'Bush's incredible definition of credibility.'

'A triumph!' - the NY comPost.

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Bush stumped on question of mistakes
"I'm sure something will pop into my head here," he said last night. It didn't.

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Dear Rummy,
F*ck off, you lying heartless bastard.

Sincerely,
The families of the American troops in Iraq.

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I can see the strings!
What an embarrassment.

"I was waiting for a reference to the missing strawberries or our precious bodily fluids." - jimmymac

I almost had to hand it to him: for most of his opening statement Chimpy seemed pretty coherent. Then he blew it. He started his existential blathering near the end of the speech, and it all went downhill from there. During the question period he looked totally pithed. I think even the press corpse was in shock. And did he ever actually answer one question that was put to him?? I mean, in a way that made sense?

What an ordeal - but there was one bright spot when I almost lost it. It was the expressions on Karl and Condo's faces as they sat in the audience - they looked like they were ready to blow a gasket, but at that point it was hard to say if it was due to the questions Smirky was getting or because he was performing so dreadfully. And what was with that tie? Was he hoping it would hypnotize the press?

'[H]is responses to questions were distressingly rambling and unfocused.' - the NY Times.

"There's no question it's been a tough, tough series of weeks for the American people. It's been really tough for the families. I understand that. It's been tough on this administration." - the indolent vacationing deserter Smirky McGolfcart.

Q: Mr. President... how do you answer your opponents, who say that you took this nation to war on the basis of what have turned out to be a series a false premises?

aWol: Well, let me step back and review my thinking prior to going into Iraq. First, the lesson of September the 11th is, when this nation sees a threat, a gathering threat, we've got to deal with it. We can no longer hope that oceans protect us from harm. Every threat we must take seriously.

[Al Qaida was responsible for killing Americans, so we attacked Iraq! It's simple!]

Saddam Hussein was a threat. He was a threat because he had used weapons of mass destruction on his own people. He was a threat because he coddled terrorists. He was a threat because he funded suiciders. He was a threat to the region. He was a threat to the United States...

[No #ucking proof for any of that. And when was the last time he 'gassed his own people'? In the 80s? With the gas the US had sent him?]

I went to the UN, as you might recall, and said, either you take care of him, or we will. Any time an American President says, if you don't, we will, we better be prepared to. And I was prepared to. I thought it was important for the United Nations Security Council that when it says something, it means something, for the sake of security in the world. See, the war on terror had changed the calculations. We needed to work with people. People needed to come together to work. And, therefore, empty words would embolden the actions of those who are willing to kill indiscriminately.

[There are so many things wrong with that statement that my head is ready to come apart]

The United Nations passed a Security Council resolution unanimously that said, disarm or face serious consequences. And he refused to disarm.

[He did not refuse to disarm! He had no arms! He was giving the inspectors free rein! Gah!!!!!]

Q: To move to the 9/11 Commission. You, yourself, have acknowledged that Osama bin Laden was not a central focus of the administration in the months before September 11th. "I was not on point," you told the journalist, Bob Woodward, "I didn't feel that sense of urgency." Two-and-a-half years later, do you feel any sense of personal responsibility for September 11th?

Squinty: Let me put that quote to Woodward in context. He had asked me if I was -- something about killing bin Laden. That's what the question was. And I said, compared to how I felt at the time, after the attack, I didn't have that -- I also went on to say, my blood wasn't boiling, I think is what the quote said. I didn't see -- I mean, I didn't have that great sense of outrage that I felt on September the 11th. I was -- on that day I was angry and sad: angry that al Qaeda had -- well, at the time, thought al Qaeda, found out shortly thereafter it was al Qaeda -- had unleashed this attack; sad for those who lost their life.

Your question -- do I feel --

Q: Do you feel a sense of personal responsibility for September 11th?

The Unelected Fraud: I feel incredibly grieved when I meet with family members, and I do quite frequently. I grieve for the incredible loss of life that they feel, the emptiness they feel.

There are some things I wish we'd have done when I look back. I mean, hindsight is easy. It's easy for a President to stand up and say, now that I know what happened, it would have been nice if there were certain things in place; for example, a homeland security department. And why I -- I say that because it's -- that provides the ability for our agencies to coordinate better and to work together better than it was before.

I think the hearings will show that the Patriot Act is an important change in the law that will allow the FBI and the CIA to better share information together.

[What?? In other words, no. This misadministration will not take responsibility for anything.]

Q: Mr. President, I'd like to follow up on a couple of these questions that have been asked. One of the biggest criticisms of you is that whether it's WMD in Iraq, postwar planning in Iraq, or even the question of whether this administration did enough to ward off 9/11, you never admit a mistake. Is that a fair criticism? And do you believe there were any errors in judgment that you made related to any of those topics I brought up?

The aWol Liar: Well, I think, as I mentioned, it's -- the country wasn't on war footing, and yet we're at war. And that's just a reality, Dave. I mean, that's -- that was the situation that existed prior to 9/11, because the truth of the matter is, most in the country never felt that we'd be vulnerable to an attack such as the one that Osama bin Laden unleashed on us. We knew he had designs on us, we knew he hated us. But there was a -- nobody in our government, at least, and I don't think the prior government, could envision flying airplanes into buildings on such a massive scale.

[Wrong again!!! Jebus! But nobody called him on that one, either.]

Q: Thank you, Mr. President. Two weeks ago, a former counterterrorism official at the NSC, Richard Clarke, offered an unequivocal apology to the American people for failing them prior to 9/11. Do you believe the American people deserve a similar apology from you, and would you be prepared to give them one?

Smirky the Meatpuppet: Look, I can understand why people in my administration anguished over the fact that people lost their life. I feel the same way. I mean, I'm sick when I think about the death that took place on that day. And as I mentioned, I've met with a lot of family members and I do the best I do to console them about the loss of their loved one. As I mentioned, I oftentimes think about what I could have done differently. I can assure the American people that had we had any inkling that this was going to happen, we would have done everything in our power to stop the attack.

[La la la la la...]

Q: Mr. President, why are you and the Vice President insisting on appearing together before the 9/11 Commission? And, Mr. President, who will you be handing the Iraqi government over to on June 30th?

aWol: We will find that out soon. That's what Mr. Brahimi is doing; he's figuring out the nature of the entity we'll be handing sovereignty over. And, secondly, because the 9/11 Commission wants to ask us questions, that's why we're meeting. And I look forward to meeting with them and answering their questions.

[Bunnypants, flustered, desperately tries to find a Fox News reporter]

Q: I was asking why you're appearing together, rather than separately, which was their request.

aWol: Because it's a good chance for both of us to answer questions that the 9/11 Commission is looking forward to asking us, and I'm looking forward to answering them.

[Bush looks like he's ready to soil his pants]

Let's see --

Q: Mr. President --

[Bush: 'shit shit shit!' Panics, looks around, spots someone from the Moonie Times]

aWol: Hold on for a minute. Oh, Jim.

[The other reporters start mumbling amongst themselves at this point as they realize Squinty will NOT be answering that question]

Q: Thank you, Mr. President.

aWol: I've got some 'must calls,' I'm sorry.

In closing...
A free society doesn't have to worry about terrorism?

Uh...Ok(lahoma City), Mr 'president.'

- Obey the tie.

Oh, and get a haircut.

"A country that hides something is a country that is afraid of getting caught." - crooked liar Smirky the Smackhead, talking about some other government.



Panel says Bush saw repeated warnings
Reports preceded August 2001 PDB

By the time a CIA briefer gave [pReznit Gameboy] the Aug. 6, 2001 President's Daily Brief headlined Bin Ladin Determined To Strike in US, the president had seen a stream of alarming reports on al Qaeda's intentions. So had Vice President Cheney and Bush's top national security team, according to newly declassified information released yesterday by the commission investigating the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.

In April and May 2001, for example, the intelligence community headlined some of those reports "Bin Laden planning multiple operations," "Bin Laden network's plans advancing" and "Bin Laden threats are real."

So what do the Bushies do? Blame Clinton, of course!

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Damn liberal media!

George W. Bush seems to have a problem being honest. Bush has been caught in many lies. He's lied about September 11. He's lied about Iraq. He's lied about his budget. The sad fact is that George W. Bush has lost all the moral authority that a President of the United States must have. Bush is a poor example for our children, who we try to teach to be honest.

Oh wait...

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So quit honking around
"My advice to the president is to make clear that as the president of the United States, he must accept responsibility for the executive branch, which is responsible for the defense of the United States." - repub Rep. Jim Leach.

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Annan: 'you're on your own, cowpie'
Secretary-General Kofi Annan said on Tuesday violence in Iraq will prevent the UN from re-establishing a major presence in the country anytime in the foreseeable future.

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Heh heh
'Fox does the impossible by figuring out a way to dumb down American Idol' - headline at Fark.

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Phffffffffffffffffft
Was Smirky McStupid grounded because he was mentally unfit to fly planes with nuclear weapons?

'Military rules used in 1974 to ground two Washington Air National Guard airmen with access to nuclear weapons also applied to a Texas ANG unit where Lt. George W. Bush was a fighter pilot. Some military researchers and a former Texas Guard lieutenant colonel believe the stringent regulations - known as the Human Reliability Program - may have been invoked to stop Bush from flying Texas ANG jets in 1972.'

Is anyone else picturing that scene from Dr Strangelove?