WTF Is It Now?!?

Chastened Press Secretary Fleischer Submits to Punitive Presidential Baptism

MS. HUGHES: Good afternoon. Ladies and gentlemen of the liberal media, today's regularly scheduled press briefing has been cancelled in light of the incomprehensible public outrage over Press Secretary Ari Fleischer's recent 100% accurate assertion that former President Clinton is directly responsible for thousands and thousands of years of Middle Eastern faith-based carnage. Today, while Republicans everywhere quietly celebrate Mr. Fleischer's airing of this long-suppressed truth, President Bush himself is nevertheless livid that he has been politically embarassed by someone other than himself.
As you know, the president...wields his holy gift not unlike a great sacred rodeo lasso, with which he routinely hog-ties indolent White House cleaning staff and errant staffers in the chaffing rope of Christ's love, then proceeds to deposit blood-red jello shooters of righteousness into each penitent's trembling and gaping maw.
Before today, Mr. Fleischer's so-called Jewishness had exempted him from these sacred sessions which so many of us have come to know and love so well. Fortunately for all Americans, that oversight has been corrected, and we can all rest easy in the knowledge that Ari now walks hand in hand with the greatest Jew to ever live..
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