WTF Is It Now?!?

Reichsmarshall Ashcroft selects next state to undergo assimilation.

I saw a couple of pretty cool names in the new company phone book today: Boonlert and Ugwu. One of the stray cat's gonna be named 'Boonlert', I think.

So what was the Hapless Haybrain up to today? Was he trying to get more ransom money together?


Today in History

1861 the American Civil War began as Confederate forces fired on Fort Sumter in South Carolina.
1961 Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first man to fly in space, orbiting the earth once before making a safe landing.
2002 Real Democrats everywhere celebrated James Traficant's conviction last night on all 10 federal charges of racketeering, bribery and fraud.


"it must be the budget - it's got numbers in it"

pResident Evil told Congressional repuglicans yesterday he would veto appropriations bills that do not meet his definition of fiscal discipline, several sources said. ( - gah! snort!) "It's up to me and the House on how we are going to enforce fiscal discipline, and that means vetoing appropriations bills if I have to," the Boob of Kennebunkport blithered to the GOP leaders at the closed-door White House meeting.

"He talks about cooperation and working together, and I don't think this is a particularly constructive way to do that," said Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.). Sen. Robert Torricelli (D-N.J.) said its ironic the Walking Wanker is talking about fiscal discipline when he inherited a budget that had been balanced for several years and is now submitting a budget that "establishes a deficit."

- RollCall.com


the party of honor and integrity, continued:

Stories about Thomas White's questionable behavior at his current job have emerged only recently, but it has been apparent for months that he was a Potemkin executive: all facade, with nothing behind it. Given that he was hired for his supposed business skills, this means that he is like a surgeon general who turns out never to have finished medical school. So why does this administration, which is waving the flag so hard its arms must hurt, leave the Army - the Army! - in the hands of a man who is, at best, a poseur?

One theory I've heard is that Mr. White can't be fired: that there are facts about the administration's relationship with Enron that it doesn't want to come out, and that Mr. White knows where the bodies are buried.

My preferred explanation, however, is that Mr. White has been protected by the administration's infallibility complex. In case you haven't noticed, this administration never, ever admits making a mistake; even when it makes a policy U-turn, it tries to rewrite history to pretend that everything is still going according to plan.
- From Paul Krugman, balls of steel, in the NY Times, and The Nation takes White to the woodshed over "new revelations" that "have created a bill of particulars against White serious enough to warrant probes by a federal grand jury and the Defense Department's Inspector General."


great suggestion from Dave "Doctor" Gonzo: The Crossfire GOP Chickenhawk Coop Scoreboard!

"Here's how it would work:
"Each day, every day, the very able bookers at Crossfire would call the press contacts for the top Republicans in Congress, giving a tentative list of issues for the next few days and an invitation to appear. "Naturally, more than a few will 'respectfully decline.'

"That night, Carville and Begala would update the Chicken Coop Scoreboard while reading the most hilariously dishonest or brazenly partisan excuses provided by such luminaries as House Speaker Denny Hastert, Majority Whip Tom DeLay, RNC Co-Chair Ann Wagner, and Senate MINORITY Leader (doesn't that sound sweet) Trent Lott -- while flashing avian caricatures of each pol with the number of days they've chickened out of your invitations."

- LOL! From AmPol.com


I bet he talks to his cows this way, too:

President Bush, April 4: "Enough is enough."
President Bush, April 6: "Withdraw without delay."
President Bush, April 8: "I meant what I said."

You have to give President Bush credit. [His] vernacular is consistently simple, even when he's on the international stage addressing something as complex and awful as the current Israeli/Palestinian nightmare. That he has nothing of substance to say is beside the point. To his credit, he uses language and tone that most of us can relate to. Unfortunately, it's the language and tone people use when talking to their dogs.

Dog-haters in the Middle East and Bush-haters in Europe may take [his] approach the same way one takes condescension from an autistic cousin. It's cute, a little disturbing, but mostly laughable. - from David Turnley at AlterNet


Chris Floyd's 'Springtime for W'

"Bush, more accustomed to the fuzzy balls of cotton wool normally tossed at him by the groveling American press, got stroppy when the less-supine British hacks kept pressing him on the complexities of the Israeli-Palestinian impasse, asking him to look beyond the brutal stupidities of those murderous old geezers, Sharon and Arafat, and encompass a broader range of voices and viewpoints on the conflict.

"'Look, my job isn't to try to nuance,' Bush sputtered crossly. 'My job is to tell people what I think!' ( This still cracks me up! - the Mgmt)

Well, no nuance is good nuance, they say. And certainly, Mr. Deep Thinker betrayed no hint of nuance in his "plan" to halt the Middle East violence.

More at The Moscow Times


Quotes of the Day

"[I]nstead of supporting last month's modest effort by John Kerry and John McCain to gradually increase fuel standards over the next 13 years, the White House joined in an unholy alliance with carmakers and the auto-worker unions, and helped kill the plan which would have saved about 2.5 billion barrels of oil a day, roughly the amount we currently import from the Middle East. Apparently, the first casualties of this new crisis has been the administration's short-term memory and truth-telling skills."
- Arianna at Arianna Online

"President Bush's sex life has nothing to do with the fact that his foreign policy is so inept that all the Arab countries, including our friends and allies the Saudis and the Egyptians, are now siding with Saddam Hussein rather than the United States. You really have to work at it to produce a result that bad." - Molly Ivins at Working For Change

"Greg Palast had it right! In a radio interview with Alex Jones on March 4, 2002, he predicted the fall of the President of Venezuela because President Chavez had the nerve to say no to the IMF and because Chavez wanted to raise taxes on oil corporations to fund social programs. "Palast had said, '...I'm telling you, watch this space: The President of Venezuela will be out of office in three months or shot dead. They are not going to allow him to raise taxes on the oil companies.' "Kind of makes you proud to be an American, doesn't it?" - LAnnH., in the BuzzFlash mailbag


What an incredible chickensh!t buffoon -

Preznit Poopypants' reluctance to speak the name of Osama bin Laden was obvious in a speech on community service in Bridgeport, Conn., on Tuesday. The Simian Simpleton stammered, hesitated, then stopped himself.

''There's no cave deep enough for the long arm of American justice,'' the Coward of Crawford blatted. In the next breath he flipflopped. ''There is no calendar on my desk that says, 'If we don't get -- if so-and-so doesn't show up, then this thing ends,' '' the Impotent Impotentate said. ''That's just not the way I think.'' (- there's that word again!) - from Yahoo News


The Handy BFEE Suicided note form 2002/1-a One size fits all:

Dear ________________

1) Carol
2) Honey
3) Family


I am so ______________

1) sorry
2) fucked

For_________________

1) Shooting myself in the back of the head 5 times
2) Fucking Up
3) Getting caught

I feel I just can't________________

1) betray our President who is completely innocent of any wrong doing whatever and the godless commie media and politicians will torture me until I lie about our completely honest and blameless President, God bless him.
2) Go on.

I have always tried to do______________________

1) My patriotic duty to America. May God bless her!
2) Everything in my power to enrich myself at the expense of everyone and especially take advantage of the kindness of President Bush who never once ever granted me a favor despite all those tens of millions of dollars I gave him.
3) The right thing.

But where there was once great pride now____________________

1) There is only shame that I have besmirched the honorable name of Bush with my treachery.
2) I am so fucked.

I love_______________________ so much

1) Money
2) President Bush and his entire Family
3) You
4) And the children

I just can't be____________________ any longer

1) A traitor to the Republican Party and President Bush and America (God Bless Her)
2) A backstabbing tool of the godless commie pinkos
3) A liar
4) Alive

The Pain is _________________

1) Painful.
2) Poopy.
3) Fucked.

Please try to________________________

1) Tell President Bush it was me and me alone who stole all the money.
2) Make sure I am not autopsied I can't stand the thought of being autopsied.
3) No one else sees this note.

Signed _______________________

1) Yours truly Honey,
2) Regards Honey,
3) Humble best wishes Honey,

(Insert Enemy name here)

- - From the very talented Dave925 at the Bartcop Forum