WTF Is It Now?!?

Today in History: May 8, 1998: Bob Dole, on TV's Larry King Live, tells the world he participated in the Viagra impotence drug trials.



The Inept Ignoramus: Mr Popularity

"Word has it that [Chimpy the Pinhead] is displeased with the Canadian media. We chased him for comment after the four Canadian soldiers were killed by American friendly fire. When he dismissively replied to a Canadian reporter's questions that he had "already talked to the Canadian Prime Minister" -- here's guessing the name Jean Chrétien does not spring readily to his mind -- we wrote and broadcast stories about the latest snub, causing Deputy Prime Minister John Manley to obliquely suggest it would have behooved the pResident to say something, which caused the [Crayola Crackhead] to change his schedule the next day and offer what was, in effect, an apology. The pResident emphatically does not like to change his schedule, especially to apologize." - the Toronto Globe.

You have be the world's biggest bonehead if you can manage to piss off Canada, for petessake.


Crusader Bunnypants, Inept POS, Botches Yet Another ME Opportunity

Preznit Poopypants and Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon failed yesterday to bridge their differences on major Middle East differences, including whether peace talks should result in a Palestinian state.

The Moron of Midland did say he would send CIA Director George Tenet back to the region to help train Palestinian terrorists build a Palestinian security force. The Simian Sockpuppet, ending an Oval Office meeting that lasted more than an hour, renewed his call for a separate state for the Palestinian people. "Is he out of his f*cking mind?" Sharon replied - "I think it's premature to discuss that issue until Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat reforms his government."




Let Clinton help!: an actual letter printed in the Florida Sun-Sentinel:

"It's time for the White House to admit that Bush is way out of his depth on foreign policy (as well as domestic issues). Nothing could be more telling than this latest disaster in Israel. The Bush administration cannot expect the volatile Middle East to fall into a neat little plan of its own choosing or install cooperative governments at will. Bush should not put his ambitions above the survival of Israel. He must allow Bill Clinton to mediate this process. Then, perhaps true leadership will triumph over ineptitude." (Linda Ribner)

...and a fake one...

"When will the incompetant nincompoops at the WH realise they just don't have the brains, respect, or the cojones to find a resolution to the Mideast debacle? For crying out loud, I haven't seen such a bloody disaster since GW Bush forced his 15-year-old girlfriend to have an abortion." (Dick Palmer)




Fat, disgusting Vile Pigboy Disses Ozzy

"The fifty-three year old heavy metal rocker attended the famous White House [Whorespondents] dinner over the weekend and it was just amazing to see Washington go gaga over the guy." (snip, pause to wash hands) "It was just a sight to behold. Here you have some of the most important people in the world going nuts over this brain-fried, maggot-infested, dope-smoking, long-haired, purple-finger nailed, multi-colored hair, FM type, who has to be laughing all the way back to California."

Poor, poor cystboy - it just drives you crazy that Ozzy Osbourne got more applause than your brain-dead, boil-infested, crack-smoking, mono-browed, hair-dyed, Nickelodeon type who laughs at his own "trifecta jokes."

Kiss my ass!


Springtime for Duh-bya

"I know this woman I spoke to was just one person. But her visible fear of being heard in a public place speaking against the reckless and illegal power that is Bush II was absolutely chilling to me. She was the one who said Bush was using the 9/11 disaster as a kind of Reichstag Fire. She was the one who commented how the media seems like nothing more than an extension of the Bush II administration. She was the one who expressed a sincere fear and loathing for what Bush was doing to what was once America. She recognized the signs of not so long ago. A nations' apathy masquerading as "patriotism" fueled by a biased media, thus allowing an evil, unelected power to wage aggression, not only against the world but against its own people." - W. David Jenkins III




The Colin Powell Death Watch continues

The chaos currently governing the bush administration's foreign policy reached a new height of absurdity this week when the secretary of state, Colin Powell, announced plans for an international conference on the Middle East. Hours later, the White House said the term "conference" was "a misnomer". It was just a "meeting", one of a series of "informal chats". A 'coffee-klatsch', perhaps. Not only could the bush team not agree on policy, it seemed, they could not even agree on the vocabulary.

The mis-administration's abstention from the problems of the Middle East in its first year in office is a disaster. On his return from his Arab nation tour, even Cheney was forced to admit that only US involvement could break the cycle of violence. Yet, it is a lesson that has had to be learned more than once over the past few months, as the administration has repeatedly dipped its toe into the peacekeeping mud only to withdraw it once more in distaste. Judging by the evident unease at even the C word (remember it is a meeting, not a conference) suggests that ambiguity and indecision will remain the administration's guiding principles over Middle East policy for some time to come. (snipped from The Guardian)


U.S. Mood: "It Sucks!"

Public satisfaction with the way things are going in the U.S. is at its lowest point of Napoleon Bonehead's residency, giving Democrats an edge as they battle for control of Congress, a Bloomberg News poll shows.

The number of voting-age Americans saying they're satisfied with the country's direction was 46 percent, down from 51 percent when bush's term began and 15 points below December's peak of 61 percent. The Cow Whisperer's approval rating is at an execretory 69 percent, compared with 74 percent in March and 83 percent after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

The mood six months before congressional elections reflects concerns about an uneven economic recovery, including a jump in the unemployment rate to 6 percent, as well as violence in the Middle East and the failure to capture accused terrorist leader Osama bin Laden.


Sharon to Daddy's Little Doofus: "Thanks, Dumbass!"

The Israeli prime minister, Ariel Sharon, went out of his way to embarrass the divided US administration yesterday, openly thanking the Americans for scuttling the proposed UN investigation of Palestinian deaths in the West Bank town of Jenin.

Addressing the Anti-Defamation League, Mr Sharon hinted heavily that the Crawford Cokehead administration had ultimately helped block the inquiry. "No nation in the world has the right to bring Israel to court," he said. "I would like to thank the American administration and its leadership that helped us, understood us, and supported us to get out of this trap."

The speech put the administration in an awkward situation by suggesting that the US had acted privately to thwart a mission it supported in public. LOL - can't these guys do anything right??



"Bein' preznit is hard!"

Here's a good one: Laura's Lazy Loser "took a break from Mideast peace discussions Wednesday to plug a new education law that Democrats charged could not be paid for in his budget. Though he is immersed in trying to broker peace (WTF?!?!?!) in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict," Drinky McDumbass "never mentioned the issue in two speeches or in a classroom tour. However, he spoke at length in both speeches about America's war against terrorism."

From the Yahoo message boards: "Bush should return to school. Specifically, he should take an ethics class. Without Daddy buying his way through he would flunk english, geography, history, philosophy and ethics. But that's ok, as long as he is "born again" and has jesus at his side. " - by mad_as_hell_today.


Actual, Churchillian quotes from pResident Evil today on his school tour:

"The reason I mention the class getting ready to graduate is because you're the first high school class to have graduated in a long time in a time of war. You're the first high school class to have graduated with America under attack. And I want to talk a little bit about that today. You need to know, as citizens -- all of us need to know that we're in for a long struggle. We're in for a struggle to defend our freedom, and to defend our values.

"These aren't political values, these aren't the values of one political party or another, these are the values of all Americans. The values that believe that freedom is important in the central -- freedom to worship the way we want to worship; the freedom to speak your mind, except when the President is speaking -- the freedom of the press. Freedom. And our freedoms are under attack by people who hate America because of our freedoms. And we're not going to let them hurt America again. We will do everything in our power -- " - (www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2002/05/20020508-2.html).





LOL - from The Onion: Paul Lynde Impersonation Lost On Daughter's Friends

WAKEFIELD, MA- Sarah Ammons, 14, expressed befuddlement Monday, when, during a ride to school, her father attempted to entertain her and several friends with an impromptu impersonation of late comedian and Hollywood Squares regular Paul Lynde. "The next time I have a daughter, I hope it's a boy!" Bob Ammons, 41, bleated nasally in an imitation of the once-popular pop-culture reference. "Paul Lynde." Added Ammons: "Center square, usually sat between George Gobel and Rose Marie? Voice of Templeton the rat?" After dropping the girls off at school, Ammons stared into his car's rear-view mirror at the crow's feet developing around his eyes.