WTF Is It Now?!?

Packers Player Poops in Closet! screams the headline at the drudgereport.

Green Bay fullback Najeh Davenport was arrested Monday, accused of breaking into a university dormitory and defecating in a woman's closet. According to police, Davenport crept into a dorm room at Barry University around 6 a.m. on April 1. A woman sleeping in the room, Mary McCarthy, told police she was startled by a strange sound and saw Davenport squatting in her closet. Davenport then allegedly defecated in a laundry basket, McCarthy told detectives.

"This whole thing is a misunderstanding. Najeh had nothing to do with the situation," said Richard Sharpstein, Davenport's attorney. Ohhhhhhhhh-kay.....







'I'm ready for my close-up, Mr DeVille...'

Sony hit back at Michael Jackson yesterday, accusing him of playing the race card to cover the flop of his latest record. Michael Jackson has ruined his own career with his bizarre antics and reputation as an accused child molester, a top honcho at the pop superstar's record company said yesterday. "He's trying to wage this bizarre campaign to rearrange his financial obligations," said the Sony executive, who asked not to be identified. "It's not going to happen."




"A renewed sense of [personal] responsibility" - stop it, my sides hurt!

Joe Conason has a new daily online journal at Salon.com for Premium subscribers. A sample: "the ordinarily docile White House press corps, while chuckling appreciatively at the president's wisecracks, wasn't entirely buying that line. 'This is recycled ... stuff,' he said in response to the first question about his 1990 sale of Harken Energy stock, and the reporters laughed. The questions continued, however, and the answers weren't impressive.

"What the president didn't mention -- perhaps because nobody asked -- was that his father's appointees and his own personal attorney were running the SEC when he was investigated. The agency's chairman was an ardent loyalist named Richard Breeden, who had served as a top domestic policy aide to George Herbert Walker Bush. (He is now the court-appointed overseer of WorldCom.) Its general counsel was James Doty, the laywer who had handled the sale of the Texas Rangers baseball team to Dubya's syndicate only two years earlier.

"A few years ago, such obviously compromised presidential relationships would have provoked exclamations of outrage on the editorial pages of the nation's great newspapers, culminating in demands for a congressional investigation and even an independent counsel. Reporters would have camped out at the SEC to ambush the chairman with arms outstretched, harassing him to deliver those files about the president. The laughter in the press room and the newsrooms and the TV studios would have been anything but friendly, and the chatter would soon have turned to dark musings about the character of the man inhabiting the Oval Office. But that was when the president's name was Clinton, not Bush."




Bunnypants Opens Mouth, Stock Market Tanks

The stock market plunged for a second straight session Tuesday, as Wall Street shrugged off Laura's Little Loser's proposal to increase the penalties for corporate fraud.

Analysts said that after months of accounting and ethics scandals, more than a speech was needed to restore public faith. "Little fratboy snot should start by sh!tcanning himself and his whole crooked administration," one analyst said under condition of anonymity.

By midafternoon, the Dow Jones industrial average had slipped 50.33, to 9,224.57.

- Mostly from salon.com.


"Say, could you send an ambulance in here? I'm so fucking full of bile I think I'm going to have a stroke!" - Will Tomlinson, from Salon's Table Talk: "What do you think of GW Bush?"