WTF Is It Now?!?

MOMENTS IN CHURCHILLIANA
"I am just as angry as Israel is. I am furious." However, he trilled, "Even though I am mad, I still think peace is possible." - the Oaf of Office, on the Hebrew University bombing. 'Yeah, whatever - when can I leave for Crawford, unca Karl?'




TODAY IN HISTORY
1934: German President Paul von Hindenburg died, paving the way for Adolf Hitler's complete takeover.

1990: Iraq invaded Kuwait. This led to Saddam earning a place on the Bushies' shit list for all eternity, and to Operation High Approval Ratings in 2002.

2000: In one of the Signs of the Apocalypse, republicans awarded George Dumbya Bush their 2000 presidential nomination at the party's convention in Philadelphia and ratified Dick "dick" Cheney as his running mate.

2001: Maru's computer fries, along with most of the appliances, when wellhead is struck by lightning in freak thunderstorm.





AND WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM, SIR?
"It certainly doesn't hurt, and it may help him. It humanizes and regularizes a guy who right now has elitist, big-business image problems." - Bruce Buchanan, a professor at the "University of Texas at Austin," on the Clueless Cornpone's upcoming month-long vacattion.


WHY DOES HE HATE AMERICA?
"I can't take a month off - I have to work for my money. Things are in the dumpster and this just shows Bush is ignoring what's going on." - David Gerard, business owner, on the Moron of Midland's upcoming month-long vacation.