December 20, 2003

Reboob hull breech!
Corruption claim governor says he was called by God

Governor John Rowland of Connecticut has rejected calls for his resignation over corruption allegations, saying he is in direct contact with God.

In a performance worthy of a fallen "televangelist" John Rowland, who has admitted accepting favours and gifts from powerful businessmen, defended his position by saying the Almighty had called to him "loud and clear" in his "adversity."

Mr Rowland, a Republican who faces a federal inquiry into the awarding of lucrative state contracts, spoke flanked by local soldiers recently returned from Iraq.

Several of his aides also face inquiries, including a deputy chief of staff who pleaded guilty to steering state contracts to firms in exchange for cash and gold, some of which he buried in his backyard.

At the same public appearance, before a sympathetic audience of businessmen and lobbyists, the governor's wife delivered her own version of the poem The Night Before Christmas, in which she predicted that Father Christmas would deliver coal, rather than presents, to a local newspaper which unmasked her husband as lying about who paid for expensive repairs to their lakeside cottage.

In the poem, which drew gasps from the audience, Mrs Rowland compared staff at the Hartford Courant newspaper to "grinches who have stolen our tree." Her parody went on to describe a Christmas wish "for the man next to me: a new year that is peaceful and refreshingly free of rumours and hearsay that do nothing but smother the positive works we should do for each other."

Next: Gov. and Mrs Rowland unveil massive statue of the Ten Commandments in front of their suites at the Conn. Mental Asylum.

Pic by Missus Gumby.

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