May 29, 2004

"Newly released transcripts reveal that President Nixon was drunk during the Arab-Israeli crisis of 1973. After hearing this, president Bush said, 'Hey, so was I!'" — Conan O'Brien.

"Ashcroft said that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous. And then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control." — Jay Leno.

"John Kerry said a vote for Ralph Nader is a vote for George Bush. Bush said, "I'm voting for Ralph Nader!" — Jay Leno.

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