Now watch this drive...
Criminey...

Here's how President Bush ended his brief meeting with reporters yesterday at the Crawford Ranch, which began with his statement that he feels really, really bad about the whole tsunami tragedy.

Some eunuch ball licker from the gathered reporters asked Bush if he had any New Year's resolutions. A compassionate man at that point might have said something about resolving to help the countries through this crisis.

A wise man may have said he was going to reach out more to others who are across the political aisle. There's a million things he could have said. Instead, he decided to take a giant shit on the statement of sympathy he had just given: "I'll let you know. Already gave you a hint on one, which is my waistline. I'm trying to set an example."

- From Rude Pundit, thanks to You Will Anyway.


Our compassionate leader.

Lea' me alone! Ah'm on vacashun!
Preznit Play-Doh, too busy romping about on his make-believe ranch, sends his brother Jeb to view the devastation caused by the tsunami.

Huh... you would've thought sending Neil Bush would've made more sense, what with his experience with Asian affairs.


Our caring statesman.

Respect muh authorituh! SpiceGirl unveils her new laser-eyes while Ozzy crouches in fear.

Ow
Like a jerk I went outside wearing mocs to get something out of the truck, and I went down faster than a godless liberal on a Gays Gone Wild! video. I slipped on some ice on the driveway and fell flat on my back. And the back of my head. I'm going back to lie down some more.

WWJD?
Amount Bush has set aside for his inauguration events: $30-40 Million

Amount Bush has pledged to for the Asian Tsunami relief efforts: $35 Million

Tsunami death toll rockets to 114,000
Preznit Bush told waiting reporters, "I don't know who this Sue Nami is but she will be tracked down and brought to justice just like we did with Osama."

- freemars2258, at the BC Forum.

Ethics are for losers!
Party of Jebus, moral values and integrity to make ethics inquiries harder to begin.

In the wake of back-to-back ethics slaps at sleezoid House majority leader, Tom DeLay, House rethugs are preparing to make it more difficult to initiate ethics investigations and could remove the Republican chairman who presided over the admonishments of the slimy, lying dickhole last fall.

The bf, at the start of N. California's "Summer of Terror."

I need a lot of work.

Happy furbags


Berry and SpiceGirl. It's hard work being a cat.

Get that thing away from me
NASA unveils world's largest suppository.

Greatest country on planet shafts its own citizens in wake of horrific disaster
Penniless American tsunami victims refused new passports from US officials until they cough up some money.

Faye Wachs said she was impressed by the efforts of the Thai government and the International Committee for the Red Cross, but "she was appalled at the treatment they got" from the U.S. government.

It took the couple three hours, she said, to find the officials from the American consulate, who were in the VIP lounge.

Because they had lost all their possessions, including their documentation, they had to have new passports issued.

But the U.S. officials demanded payment to take the passport pictures, Helen Wachs said.

The couple had managed to hold on to their ATM card, so they paid for the photos and helped other Americans who did not have any money get their pictures taken and buy food, Helen Wachs said.

"She was really very surprised" that the government did so little to ease their ordeal, she said.

Damn

Tsunami death toll rises to 76,700, could top 100,000.

"We will prevail over this destruction," Bush said from his Texas playground in his first comments since the disaster struck on Sunday. The president called on Americans to donate cash to relief organizations, as he also called on corporate and individual donors to contribute as much as $250,000 apiece to his corona record $40 million-plus inauguration-spectacle on January 20th.

29 die in insurgent ambush of Iraq police that used "massive amounts of explosives."

Law & Order' s Jerry Orbach has died of prostate cancer at 69.

Dems may have finally grown a pair
GOP asking for it as they set up Senate collision on judges.

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., has vowed to "tie the Senate into procedural knots" if kitten kevorkian/douchebag Bill Frist tries to change the filibuster rule.

Fun fact: the repukes, as always, are talking out their ass over alleged Democratic 'obstruction': The Senate has already confirmed 204 of Bush's nominees. Of the 20 whom the uniter smirking buttwad intends to renominate, seven made it to the Senate floor before they were shitcanned for being extremist kkk/Puritan symps.

Bush's purge of CIA leadership continues
Refuse to drink the Kool-Aid® and you're fired: Biased analysis by yes-men more important to the squinting chimp than national security as the head of the Central Intelligence Agency's analytical branch is being forced to step down.

Bunnypants plays on vacation as stunned world reels
The grinning idiot was clearing brush, bicycling, and criticizing President Clinton as the rest of the planet called for aid and support for this "humanitarian catastrophe of epic proportions."

Some foreign policy specialists said Bush's actions and words both communicated a lack of urgency about an event that will loom as large in the collective memories of several countries as the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks do in the United States.

"When that many human beings die -- at the hands of terrorists or nature -- you've got to show that this matters to you, that you care," said Leslie Gelb, president emeritus of the Council on Foreign Relations.

Even some administration officials familiar with relief efforts said they were surprised that Bush had not appeared personally to comment on the tsunami tragedy. "It's kind of freaky," a senior career official said. "But then again, look at who we're dealing with here."

Money for nothing
Priorities

Eric Alterman reminds us that "we’re devoting less than half of what Bush is planning to spend on his own inauguration to helping people recover from one of the worst natural disasters in human history."

- Thanks to Ginger at the Hackenblog.

59, 000.

50,000
That's 50,000 known dead.

God, I'm lame.

Geebers, it's cold.

Well, we're back. Hope everyone had a good Christmas! Mine was cool - mom had drugged the old man until he was pretty cheerful, the food and company were good, everyone seemed to like their presents, and I got a couple of neat toys, including the Star Wars trilogy, the ROTK extended gift set, and the Millennium first season DVDs.

I also got Photoshop, and I've been trying most of the morning to get a picture of the Loch Ness monster into the photo I took at Castle Urquart a few years ago.

Heh.

Thanks and happy holidays from WTF!
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough!
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

- Ralph Blane and Hugh Martin, 1943.

In other news

"Trust me, buying your kids a SpongeBob Nautical Nonsense DVD in no way erodes their belief in the Shroud of Turin."

"Even a display of Filipino dancing prowess by a lively troupe of transvestites - or possibly transsexuals - dressed in miniskirts and wearing plastic fruit on their heads didn't seem to lift the gloom."

Rumors on the internets
Bush may be seriously ill.

Photos taken of the Chimp during the presidental debates and at his Crawford fleapit show parts of a LifeVest® wearable defibrillator clearly visible underneath his clothes.

Resolvitude
Bush negotiates with himself, Nazgul.

Fair and balanced
First annual "Misinformer of the Year" awarded to Fox News gasbag Bill O'Reilly as Jesus continues to weep for him.

"Our staff analyzed more than 1000 instances of conservative misinformation captured on our website and tallied the number of times members of the media espoused lies, distortions, or mischaracterizations of fact in order to further the conservative agenda" said presenter David Brock, of Media Matters for America. "In the end, Mr. O'Reilly stood out from all the rest."

Are you sure that had nothing to do with his vibrator?

"I want my religion back"

By acting as if they own the franchise on Christianity, and then acting as un-Christlike as possible, many more people are inclined to dismiss my beliefs out of hand. Duh-bya is also giving Christians the image of being morons.

‘It’s the stupid, stupid.’”

Meet the stenographers
Why George aWol Bush has gotten away with so many #ucking lies.

Press a bunch of asskissing whores shirks duty to scrutinize official claims, the Duh Institute reports.

[F]rom the Iraq War to the 2004 presidential race, reporters shirked their journalistic duty to take a critical approach to official and partisan claims - to document them when they are true, and debunk them when they are false. Indeed, many journalists have become little more than stenographers, repeating whatever they are told without question.

"The next time the administration insists that chocolate is vanilla, much of the media - fearing accusations of liberal bias, trying to create the appearance of "balance" - won't report that the stuff is actually brown; at best they'll report that some Democrats claim that it's brown." - Paul Krugman.

US now threatening Syria
US Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage warned Syria that Washington was prepared to impose new sanctions if it failed to clamp down on fugitive Iraqi officials and end its involvement in Lebanon.

Lebanese deputy foreign minister Nahar al-Hammoud took strong exception to his comments, saying in effect that Armitage was a truculent boob just "talking out his ass."

Defender of Christmas:
Jesus would roll over in his grave if he could see how I've been treated!

Jebus takes time out from his birthday celebrations to weep for Bill O'Reilly, the man who singlehandedly saved Christmas from godless, anal-sex-loving liberals and the SCLM "forces of darkness."


Tool.

Iraq base hit by suicide attack, US general says
"Uh, our 'heavily fortified zones' don't mean dick," says Gen. Obvious.

Plastic explosives were allegedly used to kill US soldiers in the horrific attack in Mosul. They wouldn't happen to be the same explosives that Bush lost last April, would they?

Political embarrassment quits
No, not that one.

Scandal-plagued repuke/serial quitter and adulterer leaves in disgrace.

America's Mayor® partner and Bunnypants fantasy figure Bernard Kerik resigned Wednesday from Rudy Giuliani’s consulting firm. He said he would seek other unspecified business opportunities, write a book, spend time with his family, and look for the real killers.

Fa ra ra ra ra. The few people who had to come in today are partying a couple of cubes down. You know... it's hard to get any work done when nobody else seems to be doing any. Bah.




Festivus shares space with Florida Nativity scene
"First, the Airing of the Grievances. Then, the Feats of Strength!"

LOL

The display, a reference to the fake holiday featured on an episode of the television sitcom Seinfeld, did not include the totem of Festivus - a bare aluminum pole instead of a tree. Key rituals of Festivus include accusing others of being a disappointment and wrestling.

Merry Chr... hey! Get the #uck outta my parking space!
Christians - most, if not all, with pagan "Chrismas trees" in their living rooms - protest lack of Christ in Chrismas.

Douchebag's tinfoil hat on too tight

While Rush Limbaugh tells his listeners that liberals rejoice at US casualties in Iraq, Al Franken is entertaining troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, cheering up wounded from yesterday's dining hall attack in Mosul.


"Why yes. I AM an asstool."

Makin' progress

Contrack International Inc, a major US reconstruction contractor, has dropped out of the multibillion-dollar effort to rebuild Iraq due to the growing violence and skyrocketing security costs.

Sen. Chuck Hagel, R-Neb. and a member of the Foreign Relations Committee, told reporters, "We're in worse trouble in Iraq than we've ever been in [there]." Noting that more than 1,300 Americans have been killed in a war that has cost of billions of dollars, he said, "Now, you tell me whether we're winning or we're losing."

I'm filled with Jesus's love, you #ucktard!
In celebration of the birth of their savior, Christians are turning into litigious asshats.

Kerik: yeah, I banged her
America's Mayor® pal and Bunnypants crush Bernard Kerik has admitted in sworn testimony to having hot, steamy sexual relations with a female "corrections" officer while serving as deputy commissioner of the department.

Jesus loves you
Almost everyone else thinks you're an asshole

Bush poised to be the most unpopular president at inauguration, the Duh Institute reports.

A disgrace to humanity
"They should have picked a dead soldier in the line of fire; instead they chose one who did not serve."

After Time responds to 'reader furor' over picking Bush as ignorant, petulant coward person of the year, readers respond back.

Devastating Mosul carnage isn't gonna ruin Bunnypants' Christmas!
Bush, following the deadliest attack since the war began (that killed 19 of our troops), says "it's such a hopeful moment in the history of the world" and that the dead soldiers were on a mission of peace.

Whatever.

Blue ball Christmas
A "morose-looking" Bill O'Reilly, sans vibrator, mopes around White House Christmas party with the ol' ball and chain in tow.

Silent night
Scientists discover massive baby galaxies being born.

Bush "monkey" portrait projected onto gigantic billboard
"Bush Monkeys" - the small pic of Smirky McStupid by Chris Savido that shut down the art show last week at NYC's Chelsea Market - will now be seen by thousands of people daily.

LOLOL

Animal Magazine, the organizer of the show, said anonymous donors had paid for the picture to be posted on a giant digital billboard over the entrance to the Holland Tunnel, used by thousands of commuters traveling between Manhattan and New Jersey.

Bwwwwahahahaha!

Puh. I swear to god, next year I'm going to seriously think about going someplace far far away right before Christmas and not coming back until after New Years'. Between my family waiting until the last minute to tell me what they want, and oh, could we bring dessert and how about making some aspic, and my boss telling me I can't even take a half-day off because he's taking them, I'm ready to bite somebody's #ucking head off and SDTN.

It gets better
Headline in today's Boston Globe: "Bush Criticizes Iraqi Troops Who Leave Posts."

Hoo boy, that's rich.

(From the Mahablog!)

The 2004 Bush family Christmas card
Click to enlarge:

Image from BartCop.

Jebus
"The White House acknowledged Tuesday that a devastating attack at a US military base in Iraq pointed to 'ongoing security' issues but said Iraqis shouldn't feel unsafe voting in next month's elections."

Rumors on the internets
Paul Wolfowitz to nuke Houston on Dec. 27th.

Paul Wolfowitz will authorise the detonation of a nuclear payload in the Houston area on December 27, 2004.

The Hidden Hand network (Mossad/al-Qaeda/SAS) of which he is the nominal controller has verified in advance every aspect of operational integrity - a failsafe job with zero chance of discovery. Houston has been primed for months via deliberate mismanagement, incompetence, corruption and embezzlement at its FEMA-independent Emergency Center. The police and fire services have been deliberately and systematically sabotaged and thrown into administrative chaos so as to ensure maximum fatalities in the aftermath of the detonation. However, the existence of the center will provide the Bush administration with a "we did everything we could" excuse.

We believe the Hidden Hand envisages the following scenario:
1. Detonation on Dec 27 (could be delayed, but all our intercepts point to this date)
2. The State Department blames "al-Qaeda", whose leaders are allegedly hiding in Iran
3. Iran (truthfully) denies giving refuge to said leaders
4. Bush issues Iran with a cowboy-style deadline for delivery of alleged leaders
5. Iran fails to comply because it cannot
6. UN convenes in emergency session - no agreement
7. Other foreign intelligence agencies dispute the State Department version
8. Happily for Wolfowitz, bin Laden releases a videotape claiming responsibility, warning America not to attack his "brave warriors" in Iran
9. American fighters launch a "decapitation" attack on the Iranian government and alleged "al-Qaeda" bases

I wouldn't put anything past these idiots.

The Bush ecomnitude
Mininum wage pays for a 1-bedroom apartment in only 4 US counties.

Known unknowns
George Dumbya attempts to explain what he meant when he said he won't "negotiate with himself," why he likes the tastes of toes.

America's mayor got UFIA from WH svengali
"We own the party now, b1tch"

Conservatives continue to feast on Rudy Giuliani's misery. As Rudy begins to distance himself from the ethically challenged, briefly nominated Homeland Security chief wanna-be Bernard Kerik, some right-wing hardliners claim White House strategist Karl Rove devised the Kerik debacle to hurt Giuliani's presidential chances in '08.

"Rove used Rudy and Kerik to tout Bush as the anti-terrorism candidate," says one Republican party player. "But Rudy is too socially liberal for the true-believers. So they let him shoot himself in the foot. Rove knew about Kerik's baggage - and that he could never be confirmed. But he went along with the nomination, betting that the heat would come down on Rudy, which it has."

The unscrupulous shithead.

"Beyond the bounds of standard practice"
Harsh interrogation methods of Iraqi prisoners were approved by caring fellow Donald Rumsfeld, according to a memo released yesterday by a top FBI official.

In a related torture story, the ACLU has released a document stating that Jebus's favorite preznit issued an executive order authorizing "inhumane treatment" of prisoners at Guantanamo.

Meanwhile, conservative pundits continue to wring their panties over those anal-sex-loving liberals' hate for Christmas.

Holy crap!
Vermont may move to bring National Guard home.

A group of concerned patriots are hoping to get a resolution on Town Meeting Day ballots that calls on the state to recall Vermont National Guard troops from Iraq, saying that that the war is unjustified and illegal.

Can you imaging if this caught on? I would love to see the look on the chimp's face...

Oh, and btw, Dumbass, at least 22 have been killed in the attack on the US base in Mosul.

A deep and growing public skepticism
For the first time, most 'Mericans say Iraq war was a mistake, Rummy a d-bag.

A majority of citizens, five #ucking weeks after the g*ddamn election, in both a new Washington Post-ABC News poll and a new CNN/USA Toady/Gallup poll, think Donald Rumsfeld should resign over his "sensitive" handling of the war in Iraq.

Only 49 percent said they approved of the job Smirky McStupid is doing, down from his November approval rating of 55 percent - making Bush the first incumbent president to have an approval rating below 50 percent one month after winning "re-"election.

Blast at US base in northern Iraq
This just in: An explosion has hit a US military base in the northern Iraqi city of Mosul causing "multiple casualties", the US military says.

The critters looking for goodies under the tree are my retarded parrot Duftah and his sidekick Egon, who's never been the same since he fell out the window.

Speaking of critters, we have two new zebra finch chicks! They hatched yesterday, and they may have company. After a couple of weeks of frenzied concupiscence, there must be over a dozen more eggs in that cage. That's among two pairs of parents, though. I'll try to get some pics, but right now the babies look like chewed wads of bubblegum, or pink snot. Uhhh, cute.

Cat blogging


Berry and SpiceGirl, after a hard day of denuding the Christmas tree of its ornaments.

Congratulations
... and best wishes to Mildred, on her ordination! Please say a prayer for The Big Brown Dog, who's developed the habit of snacking in the cats' litter box.

America's Mayor, dragqueen, liar, pretty good dancer
Rudy Giuliani, of the party of morals and values, claims Bernard Kerik is uninvolved with Giuliani Partners, despite Kerik's title of Senior Vice President.

Makin' progress
In a Duh Institute exclusive, Bush now says Iraqi troops are not ready to take over.

We forgot Poland!
... in yesterday's top 10 stupid things Bush said in 2004.

Ummmm, btw - want some wood?

Year-end liststravaganza, part IV
2004 sap of the year

The DNC.

Republican congressman implicated in vote fraud
Florida's Tom Feeney, of the party of morals and values, asked a computer programmer in September 2000 to write software that could alter vote totals on touch-screen voting machines, the programmer said in sworn testimony to the House Judiciary Committee last week.

Bush defends Rumsfeld
Says he's doing a "really fine job" - of insulting the troops, covering up prison abuses, not sending enough supplies, and lying his ass off.

The WTF holiday gift guide
New President Bush farting plush doll for sale on ebay!

Year-end liststravaganza, part III
The top 5 assholes we'd like to bitchslap, then kick in the 'nads:

1. Tom DeLay
2. Boob Novak
3. Simon whatshisface from American Idle
4. The idiot responsible for Who's Your Daddy?
5. The unspeakable bumbling sap-head that #ucked with the ending to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, substituting Burl Ives' joyous closing rendition of the title song with grotesque cartoon snowboarders and a trio of faux-hiphop animated dirge-singers. Nice going, dickhead. Merry #ucking Christmas.

Democracy's on the march

Three election workers dragged out of their cars and murdered as democratic spirit continues to fail to surge in Iraq.

Iraq's 800,000 Christians have all but canceled Christmas, forgoing Christmas Eve Mass, a step unheard of even during Saddam's regime.

Three agencies warn Bush the US is losing the battle against Iraqi rebels.

10 Iraqi workers taken hostage amid holy city bloodbaths.

Year-end liststravaganza, part II
Our top 5 asshats of 2004:

1. Bill O’Reilly - I'll never be able to eat falafel in the shower again.
2. Donald Rumsfeld - nice suit. How much is that in armor?
3. the “news” media - thanks for nothing, #uckwits.
4. Zell Miller - fun fact: Dante ranked betrayers below even murderers, you senile old #uck.
5. Jebusland, for electing Bush.

Year-end liststravaganza, part I
WTF’s top 10 annoying personalities of 2004

Lot of boobs on this list. In no particular order, we present the people we got goddamn sick and tired of hearing about over this past year:

1. Lindsay Lohan
2. Scott Peterson
3. The Olson Twins
4. The Swift Boat Liars
5. Mel Gibson
6. Paris Hilton
7. Donald Trump
8. Janet Jackson
9. Michael Jackson
10. Martha Stewart

Runners-up:
1. Regis Philbin
2. Dr Phil

Discontent in US ranks
As the "war continues to go badly," soldiers who thought their turkee-givin' commander-in-chief was the greatest thing since Cheez-Wiz® now are kicking themselves in the ass for being so #ucking stupid as to trust the privileged, war-deserting AWOL son of a bitch.

Dear Sir/Madam,
Thank you for the sacrifice of your son/daughter/spouse.
Regards,
D. Rumsfeld's letter-signing machine.

Darth Rumfeld criticized for not personally signing letters to dead soldiers' families.

You go to war with the mechanically-reproduced signature you have, not with the one that would require you to personally acknowledge those making the ultimate sacrifice.

The 10 dumbest things President Bush said in 2004
"Justice ought to be fair." - Preznit Stupid, speaking at the White House Economic Conference, Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2004

10) "I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me." — Nashville, Tenn., May 27, 2004

9) "Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling." — Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004

8) "Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat." — Washington, D.C., Sept. 17, 2004

7) "I want to thank the astronauts who are with us, the courageous spacial entrepreneurs who set such a wonderful example for the young of our country." — Washington, D.C. Jan. 14, 2004

6) "We will make sure our troops have all that is necessary to complete their missions. That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental — supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel." — Erie, Pa., Sept. 4, 2004

5) "After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" — Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004

4) "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." — Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004

3) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." — second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

2) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." — Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

1) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." — Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

More here!

I'm still waiting for this one


Click to embiggen.

Voices from around the web:

Let's see... Restarted arms race, delegitimized the only international world forum, destabilized the Middle East, failed to stop the largest and most preventable terrorist attack on US soil, 100,00 dead as a result of his paranoid aggressive military actions providing no strategic benefit whatsoever, encourages ineffeciency on a global scale and protects the Saudis by starting a war with the wrong country. Domestically, he has energized a new zealotry among uneducated white trash, purposefully starved of wisdom and vision, and undermined the worth of the dollar. His isolationist policies will the scar the American people for decades to come. Obviously, he has my vote.

- chris451

Time states: "For sharpening the debate until the choices bled, for reframing reality to match his design, for gambling his fortunesand ourson his faith in the power of leadership."

Let me rephrase: "For dividing the country so sharply, for refusing to acknowledge mistakes and reality, for gambling America's future on a disasterous course of action..."

- ScreamingInDigital

He's allowed Iraq to drag on, he's overseen economic policy even Greenspan has had to pull back from, he's got elected by running the dirtiest election campaign in history and through an election without a paper trail, seen Bin Laden continue to taunt him, and Iran and North Korea go feral in their pursuit of nuclear technology. we've had Abu Ghraib and the reports into his administrations manipulation of the wmd intelligence into outrageous lies. he's tried to ban embryonic stem-cell research worldwide and amend the constitution to deny equal rightswhat has he done this year, except set policy seemingly designed only to gather up the vote of Idiot America?

- 21-7-b


Clicky.

Man of the year
George Dumbya Bush, cowpoke, pimp:

Go figure
The US National Guard is having trouble getting new recruits, the Duh Institute reports.

Puh. Time magazine picks Squinty McStupid as their Person of the Year, "for sharpening the debate until the choices bled, for reframing reality to match his design, for gambling his fortunes — and ours — on his faith in the power of leadership."

What utter bullshit. What debate? The one where he acted like an ignorant spoiled brat, or the one where he performed like a grinning, insane robotic axe-murderer? The gullibility and stupidity of the American public would've been a much better choice, as we - and the world - are faced with another four years of intolerance, ignorance, and declining standards of living.

Bah.


"Killin's fun!"

Tis the season
Bush pays off Saddam's $4.1 billion credit card bill with your money.

I mean, it would be insane to expect the survivors of a country we destroyed to pay off the debts of the people we've killed and imprisoned.

Rewriting history, definition of "fuckwit"
Did Scalia just blame separation of Church and State for the Holocaust?

Huge oil companies lavish funds on inauguration of figurehead
More than $4.5 million from the corporate world has flowed to Bunnypants' coronation fund, much of it from the energy industry and its executives, the Duh Institute reports.

Cat blogging

Jaffa, trying to catch some sleep in my computer desk, after being hounded by Berry, Ozzy and SpiceGirl.

Alternate TV listings for Christmas specials

"A Christmas Carol": Struggling small-business owner fights four dead liberals seeking to redistribute his assets to welfare slackers.

"White Christmas": Obsolete mating rituals are set to music for 120 agonizing minutes.

More here!

Sorry. After spending four hours at the dentist yesterday getting the chip in my front tooth fixed, I just wanted to curl up in front of the tv, watch Star Trek: The Next Generation and drool good scotch down my face.

I look absolutely gorgeous now. Unfortunately, I'm also packing one hell of a hangover.




Supportin' the troops
Ginger at the Hackenblog reminds us that though our heroes are dying in Iraq because they can't get the damn armor and equipment they need, Bush's second inauguration will be the most expensive in history.

Our dear leader and war preznit "will hold the most lavish and expensive inauguration celebration in American history when he is sworn in for his second term next month. But he hopes to temper the four-day extravaganza by holding special events to honour US troops in Iraq."

Is our children learning?

George W. Bush and Office of Management and Budget Director Joshua Bolton, above a misspelled sign, at the White House Conference on the Economy in Washington, December 16, 2004.

Boy, doesn't he look proud of himself. The dumbass.

Here - maybe this is what he's so happy about. Gawd.

You guys suck
NOW you bloody well are concerned?? You stupid fuckwits.

Minnesota rebooblican Senator Norm Coleman says he's "deeply troubled" about whether the Pentagon has done enough to provide armored vehicles to troops in Iraq.

Coleman said the buck stops with worthless Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld - and that he has serious concerns about Rumsfeld's leadership.

Pic by WoofieMama.


Damn
There are so many good points in this article I'm having a hard time deciding which to quote here.

Just go here and read 'Fiddling While Iraq Burns,' by Bob Herbert. You won't know whether to laugh, cry, or throw up.

Your daily enema
Where we single out the latest person who's crawled the furthest up the GOP rectum, and lodged there like a bloated hamster.

Senile psychotic Zell Miller to honor Swift Boat Veterans For Truth with courage award.

"The swift boat veterans performed an invaluable service to America," Miller said in a statement. "These veterans took a lot of undeserved criticism for daring to speak the truth."

Official military records and even statements from Swift Boat veterans in Navy documents raised questions about their largely unsubstantiated claims.

God, what an asstool. Pardon me while I toss my cookies.

PSM
Win a lifetime supply of falafel in Air America's Bill O'Reilly Alleged Phone Sex Scandal Impersonation Contest.


"Shut up! SHUT UP!!"

Makin' progress

Rebel Strikes Across Baghdad Kill Five

Security Tightened in Iraq's Kerbala After Blast

Gunmen Kill Iraqi Ministry Official

Iraq's Insurgency Continues At a Fierce Pace

UN Panel: US Fucking Up Iraq Oil Industry, Tons Missing

Shi'ite Hits Fan as Campaign for Iraqi Presidential Elections Begins with Violence

US General: Iraq insurgents Growing "More Effective"

Opinion Polls in Iraq: 71% of Iraqis Think of the US as Occupiers, NOT Liberators

And in Terrism news:

Bin Laden Alive, Releases Audio Tape

Europe's Terrorism Czar: Radical Muslim Youths Now Training in Iraq. The Place Bush Invaded to Stop Terrorism

Fixin' the ecomnitude

"There's a trade deficit. That's easy to resolve: People can buy more United States products if they're worried about the trade deficit."

- helpful hint from Preznit Stupid, 12/15/04.

My head hurts
Bush warns Syria, Iran against meddling in Iraq.

Wake the #uck up already
When are the Dems going to stop being such deaf, dumb and blind dickheads? I don't know what pisses me off the most: the g-pukes who'll make shit up and stop at nothing, or the Dems who'll curl up quivering in a corner with #uck me painted on their asscheeks.

Former Kerry campaign manager says she may have underestimated the impact of the Swift Boat Liars Vets for Bush Truth ads, and the incredible number of morons who fell for them, the Duh Institute reports.

Criminey.

Why does America's Mayor hate America?
'How can Bush and Gonzales keep the terrorists at bay if they can't even investigate a Cabinet appointee?'

Bigamy... multiple mistresses... mob ties... shafting the 9/11 responders... tax cheat... abuse of authority... yeah, sounds like a match made in Heaven for the Bush team.

Heh heh - I love this. Every day the stories get worse and worse. Even the NY comPost is on Rudy's ass. As BuzzFlash says, it's good to finally have a full-fledged scandal stick to these jerks. And to rub in the smug, smeggy faces faces of DINOs like Ed 'attention whore' Koch.

"He has hurt himself badly," says David Birdsell, professor of public policy at Baruch College. "After all, Bush based much of his successful campaign for re-election on the idea that he could keep the terrorists at bay and America safe more effectively than John Kerry."

Bush will now see the same boastful, bullying and philandering Giuliani that the rest of us saw before Sept. 11 thrust him into the role of savior.

The Republican right already sees Giuliani as a liberal because of his support for abortion rights and gay rights. And now they may see him as someone who disloyally tried to slip a flawed Kerik past the president. And loyalty is paramount to team Bush.

Mwwwwaaaaaa. Eat it, scumbags!
There. I feel better.

Marine from Columbine H.S. killed in Iraq
Columbine killers didn't get him. Dumby and Rummy did.

I'll be doing all right with my Christmas of white
But you'll have a pink, pink pink-slip Christmas.

Merck, stung by the Vioxx scandal, plans on cutting 5,100 hardworking employees so that the executives who approved the dangerous product can keep their multimillion dollar salaries.

Jingle bells
Blitzer smells
There's brown stuff on his nose...

My brother called to tell me that CNN just ran a ten minute video from the Bushies entitled "Where in the White House is Miss Beazley?"

I bet they cut out the part where she was getting humped by Barney, though.

Values
If you want to have another extramarital affair, don't pick a woman who will call you "insane and maniacal" after you're nominated as head of Homeland Security.

Angels we have heard on high
Sweetly farting o'er the plains...

Click to embiggen:

Image from Fark.

In other news

Bush bringing "candy-coated fascism to the Middle East."

UN finds irregularities in Iraq's oil export sales under US-led authorities between May 2003 and June 2004, the Duh Institute reports.

Sadomasochism and nudity abound in Spongebob movie.

Pathetic attention whore Zell Miller joins the Fux News' fair and balanced lineup.

Moral values: "The bible made me kill my baby."

Images of Earth-like clouds on Mars probably caused by flatulent space cows.

Family values: Fox introduces a new reality show.

Hung for the Holidays. It's probably not what you think.

Jebus...
AWOL war deserting fratboy who sent thousands of US troops to war without proper equipment or a reason will surround himself with military at disgusting, self-congratulatory spectacle and neofascist circlejerk.

Circles of hell
Gov. Jeb Bush, a 'devout Catholic,' credited the poor Virgin of Guadaloupe with interceding on brother George's behalf during the 2000 presidential election-charade.

On the other hand, it seems that stupider, sleazier brother Neil, divorced after details of his Asian hottub sexcapades became public, was sponsored by Nybbas, the lower-caste demon who also sponsored his mother.

$85 million missile defense test fails
Another of Bunnypants' billion-dollar boondoggles bit the big one when it developed yet another glitch and shut down as it prepared to launch.

Fun fact: The Pentagon is spending $10 billion a year on this piece of shit.

Dear AARP,
#uck off.

The AARP sent bulletins to its 35 million members last week that Bush's plan to make personal investment accounts part of Social Security was the "wrong direction" and would "make the problem worse."

Fun fact: Retirees who receive health benefits from their former employers saw premiums shoot up an average of 25 percent this year. The study by the Kaiser Family Foundation and Hewitt Associates also showed "a continued erosion of retiree health benefits."


Happy now?

Library wins major award
Fragile... it must be Italian!

County Library wins freedom award -

The Whatcom County Library won a prestigious national library award for fighting the FBI over a subpoena this summer.

The library system will receive the University of Illinois' Robert B. Downs Intellectual Freedom Award in Boston on Jan. 15.

The award honors the library system for refusing to give the FBI loan records when someone found a written note inside of a book about Osama bin Laden.

Family values?
Is this something we want our children to see?


Bush "rises to the occasion" at the Presidential Medal of Freedom presentation this afternoon.

Dear Senator McCain, #uck you
You knew that Dumby and Rummy were incompetent in planning this war. You knew Iraq would turn into a flaming hellhole, yet you still played the good partisan whore and went down on your knees on the campaign trail, blowing the Chimp-in-Chief every chance you got. If you had stayed quiet during the campaign you could still have been loyal to the party, but you actually went out there and campaigned for those bastards. You're the worst kind of hypocrite. Why didn't you say something earlier - when it might have mattered? You've lost whatever goodwill and respect I had for you.

Who cares what you think any more. You've made your bed, and you have lie in it with these fascist nutbag idiots.
Asstool.

Sincerely,
Maru


"Yeah, you heard me. Up the ass. And he liked it too! Didn't you, bitch?"

And that goes for you too.

Scandalous
Bunnypants' rich daddy buying his son out of Vietnam? Uh, no.

"The Marc Rich pardon was scandalous mainly because it taught a generation of young Americans that you could buy your way out of punishment." - the asshat known as Mickey Kaus.

Still dreaming about sucking the ol' Clinton c*ck , huh, Mickey? Puh. As if anyone outside the circle-jerk of frothing rightwing morans know who the #uck Marc Rich is. Get a life, douchebag.

Why did the capture of Saddam accomplish so little?

A year ago a bedraggled Saddam Hussein was dragged from a hole in the ground to a chorus of self-congratulatory remarks from United States officials claiming that his capture marked a turning point in the war in Iraq.

821 US soldiers and uncounted Iraqi civilians have died since his capture, 300,000 people have been left homeless in Fallujah, and just yesterday an al-Qaida-linked suicide bomber killed 13 people near the US-controlled Green Zone.

"In the history of Iraq a dark and painful era is over," declared George W. Bush, as if describing the long-awaited end to a particularly bad case of hemorrhoids. "All Iraqis can now come together and build a new Iraq."

In between getting shot at or blown up, I suppose.

The self-deceiving optimism of US military commanders and the White House was extraordinary. They appear to have believed much of their own propaganda.

Humorless philistines offended by artwork
A portrait of Dumbya, made up of small pictures of chimpanzees, was removed from an art exhibition in Chelsea Market (NYC) after the market's managers complained about it.

"I came to New York to express myself," said artist Christopher Savido, of Pittsburgh. "I would never have expected this censorship to happen to me."

Sadly, no picture accompanied this article.

Keepin' us safer
Top staff drain hurting FBI.

A "revolving-door turnover" among top staffers and highly-trained specialists is making it a bit difficult for the FBI to meet its intelligence and counter-terrorism responsibilities.

Among those leaving are dozens of intelligence analysts responsible for preventing new terrorist attacks along with top management members, including the entire team put together in response to the 9/11 attacks.

Moreover every one of those named to replace them has also left the Bureau.

Makin' progress

Iraq ripe for rise of "Iraqi Hitler," says Iraq president Ghazi Yawar.

8 marines die in Iraq's Anbar province.

GIs in jail for scrounging equipment in order to complete their mission.

500 lb. bomb dropped in Mosul neighborhood.

Three British soldiers seriously hurt after US tank convoy ran them off a road in Iraq.

The troops' morale is in the crapper. Get out there and buy another stupid "Support The Troops" decal for your car.

Whatever
Bush makes air pollution "top priority." Because that's definitely more important than a war, terrorism or the economy.

One of these days I'll get over this damn cold. I guess. I barely have enough energy to drink coffee today.



Bunnypants pissed at former asshole buddy
Guiliani given cold shoulder, copy of loyalty oath.

The spoiled little snotnose brat is in a royal snit at America's Mayor® and dragqueen Rudy Guiliani for pushing fellow serial adulterer and ethically-challenged dumb#uck Bernard Kerik as homeland security chief.

Mr. Giuliani added that he did not think the situation would hurt his relationship with President Bush or the White House. "It doesn't and shouldn't affect my feelings toward them, and I don't think it will affect their feelings toward me," he said. "We're friends."

The view at the White House is somewhat different. Although people close to the president say he likes and respects Mr. Giuliani, they say the president has long been leery of him as a man who could not be counted on for the loyalty demanded by Mr. Bush. And while the breakdown of Mr. Kerik's nomination is not lethal to Mr. Giuliani's relationship with the White House, the friends and officials say, it will hardly burnish his credentials with the [spoiled, prune-faced little fratboy having a temper-tantrum in the corner like some toddler-sized Hitler].

Fun fact: one of Giuliani Partners core principles is integrity.

Downer no downer for Bush
Arrogant spoiled brat wants to replace the head of UN atomic energy watchdog because the current guy "questioned US intelligence on Iraq" and hasn't found any evidence to invade Iran.

I’m still way behind on my Christmas shopping, but yesterday we got our tree, put up decorations and the Christmas lights outside, and watched A Christmas Story and White Christmas.

For some reason last night, instead of dreaming of sugarplums, I dreamt I was looking through a video/dvd catalog, but all that seemed to be listed were depressing German artsy-fartsy psychological mysteries, bizarro Canadian Mountie movies starring Ernest Borgnine, and what seemed to be hundreds of soft-core porn flicks directed by Viggo Mortensen.

When I got up this morning, two tree ornaments had been broken by the cats. I need some coffee.

Fa la la la phththth
'The 12 Days of Christmas,' presented by Santa’s farting elves.

On second thought, Mr president...
Man who was to be in charge of protecting borders employed illegal-immigrant nanny.

In a surprise move, former New York Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik abruptly withdrew his nomination as Bunnypants' choice to be homeland security secretary Friday night, saying questions have arisen about the immigration status of a housekeeper and nanny he employed.



The plot thickens, like Rush Limbaugh's thighs at an all-you-can-eat buffet at the Olive Garden:

Evidently, Newsweek has discovered a warrant was issued for Kerik's arrest in 1998. Site is temporarily unavailable.

Say goodbye to a patriot

"I'm going out telling the story that I think is the biggest story of our time: how the right-wing media has become a partisan propaganda arm of the Republican National Committee. We have an ideological press that's interested in the election of Republicans, and a mainstream press that's interested in the bottom line. Therefore, we don't have a vigilant, independent press whose interest is the American people."

- TV journalist Bill Moyers.

We’re all screwed
Convinced his leadership style and policy vision were vindicated by the election results, Bush is aggressively targeting domestic programs with the help of his loyal, power-mad cadre of propagandists and yes-men.

In other asshole news…
Halliburton, Dick ‘chicanery’ Cheney’s “former” company, has been given more than $10 billion worth of business in Iraq so far despite critical audits and investigations into its work. It’s good to be the king…

Cranky anti-semite 'sticks up for Christmas'
"Why won't they just let me lie in peace?" - everyone’s favorite vibrator user, Bill “rectum” O’Reilly, doing his part to keep the holiday spirit alive. You’d think with all the hot falafel action he gets he’d be in a better mood, but no.

Christmas... uhhhhh... classics
LOL - the ten least successful holiday specials of all time (thanks to skippy for the heads-up!).

Values
Jebus's favorite Hollywood star, Mel Gibson, is looking to spend some of the millions he made from The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre on charity a soup kitchen scholarship grant program $19 million island getaway near Fiji.

Oh, #uck it...

"I don't know what the facts are but somebody's certainly going to sit down with him and find out what he knows that they may not know, and make sure he knows what they know that he may not know. And that's a good thing."

- Don Rumsfeld, commenting on US troops searching scrap dumps for armor.

Well, that didn't take long
Irrelevant towelboy Colin Powell attacks European NATO allies for refusing to take part in the certain death military training mission in Iraq.

Faith and values
The ADL politely tells gasbag and vibrator-aficionado Bill O'Reilly where to stick his falafel after he tells a Jewish caller to move to Israel.

PSM
Portable PCs put prospective parents' production pouches in peril.

Heh heh - snow


Bush recites 'The Night Before Christmas' to these furry creatures at a WH photo-op.

UN flips Bush the bird

Secretary-General Kofi Annan won a standing ovation from the U.N. General Assembly, a rare public display of support in response to recent calls for his resignation from several hypocritical US dipwads lawmakers.

US deputy ambassador Patrick Kennedy joined fellow diplomats as they rose to their feet Wednesday, despite [the warmongering fascist]'s refusal to support the U.N. chief pending the results of an investigation into alleged corruption in the U.N. oil-for-food program in Iraq.

"In the 15 years I've spent at the United Nations, this is the second time that the General Assembly had a standing ovation for a leader," he said.

Freedom's on the march
Election plans in Iraq start to waver a bit as continued violence in Bush's war-torn hellhole leave open the very real possibility of us watching on CNN as scores of innocent voters are gunned down as they stand in line at the polls.

Supportin' the troops
On the heels of the Bild-Yor-Own-Armor-Plating® scandal, comes a report from the New England Journal of Medicine that a severe shortage of surgeons in Iraq has left US Army medical teams in the country scrambling to handle the largest number of casualties since the Vietnam War.

The medical system is "overwhelmed by the scope and severity of injuries" among troops in Iraq, and the survivors often have injuries so severe that "their prospects are uncertain." Soldiers who survive the initial blasts and field treatment are suffering at high rates from later complications, such as death.

Ummmm, Rumjob, if "You go to war with the Army you have," then what the #ucking business did you guys have starting this war in the first place???

Powell pleads with Europe to join the US in dying in Iraq
Colin Powell, who used to be somebody before he willingly became a buttlicking lapdog for the misadministration, has been ordered to Europe to beg real world leaders to go easy on his snot-headed dumbass boss when he arrogantly goosesteps across their countries in February.

Powell's comments were part of a charm offensive launched by Il Ducebag after his re-election that has yet to melt many European hearts, especially after his condescending implication of immaturity on the part of his hosts.


European leaders laugh as Powell asks them to "share the burden" in Iraq.

Ironic news of the day
I don't know whether to laugh or cry - US Sends Observers to Ukraine for Vote.

Why do they hate America?
Quote of the day:

"Troops directly question Rumsfeld about how Iraq war is being fought. Hannity, Limbaugh to condemn the troops for not supporting the troops."

- headline by anonymous poster on Fark.

In other news...

Baghdad 'worse than ever'

Hamid Karzai still not dead

Supportin' the troops: homeless Iraqi vets showing up at shelters

Tis the season
Snow globe of terror.

Solstice carols, by The Dagon Tabernacle Choir.

What's more unlikely, Posh Spice as a virgin, or George W Bush as a wise man?

The Bush ecomnitude
Job cut plans accelerate as the US has the worst 3 months of job losses in 2 1/2 years.

Deserters: hell no, we won't go
"Saddam Hussein was a really bad guy, but was he a threat to the US?"

"I didn't want 'Died deluded in Iraq' over my gravestone."

Zen ve heil, heil...
Bunnypants, dressed like a fascist villian in some cheap 3rd-rate comedy (see here), tried to boost the morale of US soldiers facing certain death extended deployments in Iraq yesterday by promising no end to the violence and to extend the already-promised yearlong Iraq tours of duty for American troops.

Bush did not, however, repeat his boasts from September about the non-existent 100,000 "fully trained and equipped" Iraqi soldiers, police officers and other security personnel being on the job.

Troops do something the media has been too chickenshit to do
... put tough questions to Darth Rumsfeld.

Getting ready to be shipped to the misadministration's blazing hellhole, disgruntled soldiers tell Rummy to stuff his propaganda happy-talk up his ass.

"Why do we soldiers have to dig through local landfills for pieces of scrap metal and compromised ballistic glass to uparmor our vehicles?" Army Spc. Thomas Wilson asked, to loud cheers.

"You can have all the armor in the world on a tank and it can (still) be blown up," Rumsfeld helpfully replied.

Jebus. And good job supportin' the troops!


Donald Rumsfeld and his good friend Saddam, in happier days.

Has this been the longest week of the year already, or what??


Get along? Get real
E. J. Dionne tells the Dems to stop being such wimpy-assed cowardly pussies, for God's sake.

Yeah, good luck with that, btw.

Commander Bunnypants wears fascist-style uniform to photo-op
Does this look like something Mussolini would have worn? Or a sci-fi geek?


Squinty McStupid visits the troops he hasn't sent to death yet, at Camp Pendleton today. The words read "George W. Bush Commander in Chief," in case he forgot just who the hell he was.

The enormous emblem was probably this:

Priorities
The hell with books, thousands of American flags needed under new state law in the Banana Rebooblic of Floriduh.

More than 15,000 American flags need to be replaced in public-school classrooms in central Florida by the end of the school year because they are smaller than required under a new state law.

The law, requiring every Florida public classroom to display an American flag, includes a 3-foot-by-2-foot size requirement. "We already had flags in every classroom," said Richard Wells, the district spokesman in Seminole County. "They just weren't big enough the ones specified by the law."

"Abortions for some, tiny American flags for everyone!"

Russell Mokhiber, Scott McClellan's personal antichrist - kudos

Q: Scott, on the Middle East, many evangelical Christians are supporting right-wing Jews in Israel who want to rebuild the temple on Temple Mount in Jerusalem. They believe this is a prerequisite for Christ's return to Earth. They believe when Christ returns to Earth -- they call this "the Rapture" -- he will take back with Him the true believers, and the rest, the non--believers, Jews and Muslims, will be left behind to face a violent death here on Earth. My question is, as a born-again Christian, does the President support efforts to rebuild a temple on the Temple Mount?

MR. McCLELLAN: Russ, we can sit here and talk about religious issues, but I'm not -- I will be glad to take your question and if there's more, I will get back to you on it.

Q: Is he a born-again Christian?

MR. McCLELLAN: Thank you.

Snow job
White House says John Snow doing a "great job" as Treasury Secretary. Let's see... oil at all time high, federal deficits out of control, interest rates going up, dollar reaching lows against the Euro...

Yeah.

Fun fact: Insiders are just counting the days before Bush chief of staff Andy Card is named as Snow's replacement.

Moral values III

More ethics violations from arrogant slimeball Tom DeLay.

The misadministration apparently condones torture.

New Homeland Security chief deserted his own daughter.

Programmer admits to building vote rigging prototype - at Republican congressman's request.

Ruh-roh
Iran conducts largest military exercise ever - on its western border with Iraq.

Pootie-Poot pooh-poohs Iraq election plans
Russian president and erstwhile Bunnypants' soulmate Vlad 'the impaler' Putin says he has grave doubts about plans to hold the election-charade in Iraq next month. He told Iraq's interim Prime Minister Iyad Allawi he could not see how a poll could be held while Iraq was under "full occupation".

Heh.

Moral values
Coming on the heels of the record-breaking, $100-million clergy sex abuse settlement in California last week, the Roman Catholic Diocese of Spokane filed for bankruptcy on Monday, saying it did not have the money to cover lawsuits filed against the clergy. Spokane is the third Catholic diocese to file for bankruptcy recently due to sexual abuse scandals.

Moral values II
How the homosexual lifestyle is destroying fam Pastor charged with sexual exploitation of child

First Assembly Of God Church fires reverend - A Des Moines youth pastor and married father of four has been charged with the sexual exploitation of a 17-year-old he started an affair with this spring.

Animals... in the news
Cat earns MBA degree. Dogs lick their balls. Which species is smarter?

It's present wrapping season! Follow this step-by-step guide to wrapping presents in the presence of a cat.

Makin' progress
Sunnis warn of civil war over timing of election.

The Sunni party gave warning yesterday of civil war unless the January 30 election-charade is delayed to allow it to compete on equal terms with Shias and Kurds.

Makin' progress II
Heavy gunfight in Baghdad, 5 US troops killed.

Evangelicals to repubs: fire those homos!
Religious rightwingnuts are starting to get their morally superior genitals in a bunch over all the homosexuals working in the senior ranks of the Republican party, AmericaBlog reports.

In fact, they're coming right out and saying that the GOP should "not employ key personnel who don't hold the conservative views that the party promotes."

"If someone is going to run the day-to-day operations for the Republican apparatus to elect US senators across the country, then dog-gone-it, it better not be somebody who practices a lifestyle that is diametrically opposed to the evangelical Christian base that delivered George W. Bush and the Republicans in the Senate the victory they saw in November."

RNC chairman Ken Mehlman - they're coming for you.

New CIA reports: Iraq a disaster, and getting worse
New reports warn of more violence and offer a 'bleak assessment on matters of politics, economics and security.'

The cable, sent late last month as the officer ended a yearlong tour, followed several other such warnings from officials in Washington and in the field.

The reports are much more pessimistic than the public picture being offered by the Bush administration.

There's a surprise.

Squinty McStupid, War Preznit®, downplayed the report on Monday, saying "After all, look at our own history. We had great principles enunciated in our Declarations of Independence and our Constitution, yet, we had slavery for a hundred years."

Even the top American military commander in Iraq agreed with the report - at first. However, he may be "voicing objections" now that he's had time to think it over.

I'm burdening you with my downer
It's Monday, I have a cold and probably pms, and I'm looking at the news headlines coming in, thinking you know, so WHAT.

U.N. envoy says Iraq is a 'mess.'

Senate Dem leader Reid says while Clarence is an embarrassment, he'd blow Cheney hunting buddy and orgy-fanatic Scalia.

Bush honors bisexual drag queen, reboobs curiously silent.

The military - our military - lied hid the facts surrounding Pat Tillman's death in order to protect responsible officers, "invented details" to dramatize events and create a good PR story.

Bushland uber alles: Fox News signs deal with propagandists/rightwingnut Clear Channel.

Bin Laden laughing his ass off as the US decides to cut forces in Afghanistan.

Yay
Jon Stewart's book America (The Book) named Book of the Year by Publishers Weekly. Novakula, Douchebag of Liberty, heard grinding his teeth in his coffin.

In announcing the award Monday, Publishers Weekly called the book "a serious critique of the two-party system, the corporations that finance it and the 'spineless cowards in the press' who 'aggressively print allegation and rumor independent of accuracy and fairness.'"

It's snowing!

Giggling war criminal wins Orwell award

For the second consecutive year, George W. Bush has been named the winner of the National Council of Teachers of English's Doublespeak Award.

The Doublespeak Award is an ironic tribute "to American public figures who have perpetuated language that is grossly deceptive, evasive, euphemistic, confusing, or self-contradictory."

Bush, the committee decided, "has set a high standard for his team by the inspired invention of the phrase, 'weapons of mass destruction-related program activities.'

In its official announcement, the committee also took note of the president's description of an open forum as a place where "you're able to come and listen to what I have to say."

It also gave dishonorable mentions to Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld for describing the torture of Iraqi citizens at Abu Ghraib as "the excesses of human nature that humanity suffers" and for changing the Vietnam-era term, "body bag" to the innocuous sounding "transfer tube."

Sorry. I slept most of the weekend, and I'm still tired.



Winning hearts and minds
"Blow them all away in the name of the Lord." - Jerry Falwell, reverend, asshole.

The US has zero credibility among Muslims, the Duh Institute reports.

The UK's Sunday Herald reported last week that "The Pentagon has admitted that the war on terror and the invasion and occupation of Iraq have increased support for al-Qaeda, made ordinary Muslims hate the US and caused a global backlash against America because of the 'self-serving hypocrisy' of George W Bush’s administration over the Middle East."

- DU's top ten conservative idiots.

When the going gets tough
... its time to leave in order to spend more time with your family before they're all killed.

Thank you, Mr Sunshine:

Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson resigned Friday, warning of a potential global outbreak of the flu and health-related terror attacks.

"For the life of me, I cannot understand why the terrorists have not attacked our food supply because it is so easy to do," he said.

... even though we're supposed to be so much safer now.

"It's time for me and my family to move on to the next chapter in our life," he said. "Before it's too late..."

Something woke me up at 6 this morning
So... very... tired. I'm on my second pot of coffee, typing as three cats try to get on my lap. That I can't hear what the others are up to bothers me, though the fact that the parrot is yelling "beer!" and not "dammit!" is a good sign.

Update
A pic of the banninated Phil the Sore, in all his glory. Watch the ad, then read the comic book!

Dueling quotes

"What has happened to Falluja is a horror beyond anything imaginable. We cannot ever call this city home again." - Fuad Kubaysi, "Falluja 'a horror' after US-led offensive."

"Secretary Rumsfeld is a proven leader during challenging times.” – anonymous WH toady, "Rumsfeld to Stay on as Defense Secretary."

From Russia with love
Bunnypants bitchslapped by soul brother.

In keeping with the spirit of National Backwards Day, Pooty Poot calls US policy 'dictatorial'

Russian President Vlad Putin accused the United States on Friday of pursuing a dictatorial foreign policy and said mounting violence could derail progress toward bringing peace and democracy to Iraq.

Putin also criticized the West for setting double-standards on terrorism, pursuing Islamic fundamentalists in Afghanistan and Iraq while giving refuge to terrorists demanding Chechnya's independence from Russia.

Millions of wasted dollars later...
Is attention whore and puckery asswipe Kenneth Starr just begging for huge amounts of smeg-encrusted clothing to be sent to his home or office?

National Backwards Day off to flying start
Bush to award Iraq war bunglers Paul Bremer, George Tenet, and Gen. Tommy Franks with Presidential Medals of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor.

An' a pony!
George W. Bush's Christmas wish list, at amazon.com.

Fa la la la ahhhh!
The 4 ½ inch George W. Bush Christmas ornament 'makes a unique gift for friends and family who respect and support our nation’s leader,' or for those who always wanted to see what he'd look like in drag.

Full disclosure
The White House today released papers detailing their involvement with Enron and the Valerie Plame/Abu Ghraib scandals, and supplied the list of attendees for the vice president's energy task force... what? Oh. Never mind.

National Backwards Day inaugurated as the Bush misadministration demands a “full and open” accounting from the UN.

Hi, I'm Mike Ditka and I need to get laid
Apparently it's perfectly OK to talk about putting the boots to someone or watch a toenail being pulled off by a cartoon dermatophyte, but after that there's a line that cannot be crossed.

Los Angeles health officials are having trouble finding a TV station willing to air a public service announcement about syphilis that employs a lumpy, red cartoon character named “Phil the Sore”.


Genitals - they're icky.

Update: here's another link if the first one doesn't work.

Moral values
Homosexual marriages destroy fam Sorry, that should read 'Southern California diocese settles clergy sexual abuse cases - sources say payout will be largest in scandal's history.'

87 victims of sexual abuse by the clergy late Thursday announced a settlement in what sources said will be the largest payout in the history of the Catholic Church abuse scandal.

Nice
I'm at work even though I still have a fever and the top of my head feels like it's about to fly off, because yesterday when I called in my boss asked me to come in today. Evidently he was under the impression that I took the day off yesterday just to knit beer cozies® or romp about defacing garden gnomes or something.

® Pesky Apostrophe.

Jebus

Bush said Thursday that Iraq's elections must not be delayed from their scheduled date, rejecting calls from more than a dozen political parties there to postpone them until security at the polls can be ensured.

[The irony-challeged #uckwit] also weighed in on the election crisis in Ukraine, saying more forcefully than he had previously that other countries must not meddle as that country sorts through the disputed vote.

If there is to be a new election, as many government leaders and Ukrainian demonstrators have demanded, it "ought to be free from any foreign influence," Bush said.

Heh
Inappropriate Christmas cards


From an image by 'loud bob'.

Blah
I'm home sick today with a fever and a sore throat. I'm hungry, but don't feel like eating because food just doesn't taste good. I've tried sardines, soup, and tuna salad and gave up after a few bites.

Next: a glass of scotch and some Milanos®.

The Bush ecomnitude
The number of Americans filing new claims for jobless benefits jumped an unexpectedly large 25,000 last week. A new government report said 349,000 filed for unemployment insurance during Thanksgiving week, more than was forecast.

Did Bush lie about the Fallujah attack to influence the US election?

Amid a debate over the use of misinformation by the U.S. military, the Pentagon says it is investigating an October incident in which a Marine spokesman gave CNN misleading information about an attack on the Iraqi city of Falluja.

In an October 14 interview from Iraq, 1st Lt. Lyle Gilbert announced that a major U.S. military operation was under way in Falluja -- three weeks before the offensive that eventually recaptured the city began.

A senior Pentagon official told CNN that Gilbert's remarks were "technically true but misleading." It was an attempt to get CNN "to report something not true," the official said.

Great White North gives big chill to warmongering #uckwit
Canadian elite refuse to suck up and pander to smirking, murdering cowboy.

The warm standing ovation that greeted Bush on his way into what had been billed as a feel-good event turned to stony silence once the president began talking about actual policy.

Bush exhorted Canada to fan out with him in the fight against terror, exporting it abroad and punishing terrorist-friendly states, blocking regimes seeking weapons of mass destruction while also joining his missile shield.

He paused for emphasis while delivering a handful of lines scheduled to draw applause, but quickly moved on when most landed with a thud.

Mmmmmm... a 10,000-dollar martini...

The new symbol for the Democratic Party

Spiffy
New six-minute preview of the extended version of Return of the King.
Best product warning ever: "Never aim balls at another person's face or an animal. Do not shoot anything other than the balls provided."
A new record set for greed. The entire US Congress manages to make Porker of the Month.

Makin' progress
... in Squinty McStupid's bloody, flaming fiasco war

GI threatens suicide over return to Iraq

135 US troops died in Iraq in November - tied for deadliest month since war began

British Embassy sounds alarm over growing dangers in Iraq

US officials say Iraq's forces foundering under rebel assaults

US to boost Iraq troop strength by 10,000 in order that Bunnypants' election-charade can be pulled off on time

Hospital in Germany has treated 21,000 GIs

US invasion creates healthcare disaster in Iraq

The US military says it expects violence to REALLY escalate before the Jan. 30 election-charade

Fear grips Iraqi voters

Asshat
Despite the fact that they distribute drugs, pathetic gasbag Rush Limbaugh would like to inform you that the Red Cross hates America.


"Why yes, I AM a douchebag."

'Christ on a fishstick' quickly becoming my favorite expression
Bidder pays $804 for a cereal grain that looks like E.T.

I have a potato that looks like Dick Cheney's nutsack...

Survey
How many think I should move this over permanently to the backup site? Who would rather see it stay here? Please let me know in the comments section, thanks.

Blah. Who else feels they should be home in bed with a mug of hot buttered rum and a plate of beef jerky?

Oh, and Happy December. I have to find enough energy today to change all my calendars and to start some online Christmas shopping, in between doing futile, soulless tasks at work.
La.