WTF Is It Now?!?

From the Annals of WTF?!

How did I miss this - for, like, my entire life?

Now, I've always thought of May 1 as, you know, May Day - Beltane, rites of spring, dancing 'round the maypole (yeah, I know, "maypole," but still) . . ., or as a day to recognize labor issues (i.e., International Workers' Day) - or, more likely, as just another damn day to work my own ass off.

But "Loyalty Day?" Come on.

I shit you not. Apparently, since 1958 (thanks loads, Joe McCarthy, you useless fuck), May 1 has been congressionally designated as "Loyalty Day."

And, of course, since the Chimpster couldn't possibly recognize anything that doesn't promote the Rethug agenda, he issued an official "Loyalty Day" proclamation. Let's see, what have we here [editorial commentary in brackets]:

America was founded by patriots who risked their lives to bring freedom to our Nation. [Sorta like we brung freedom to them ungrateful Iraqis, huh, George?] Today, our citizens are grateful for our Founding Fathers [Founding Mothers, too, George - you couldn't have had Jenna and not-Jenna without Pickles's help (or at least bored compliance)] and confident in the principles that lead us forward. [What principles might those be, George? Oh, you mean the ones like staging internal coups of the entire government and launching illegal Oedipal wars? Okay, got it.] On Loyalty Day, we celebrate the blessings of freedom and remember our responsibility to continue our legacy of liberty. [Like ridding the Republic of that pesky habeas corpus . . . .]

Our Nation has never been united simply by blood, birth, or soil, but instead has always been united by the ideals that move us beyond our background and teach us what it means to be Americans. [So what does it mean, George? Do tell. I always thought it meant upholding the Constitution and obeying international law, but obviously, I was mistaken.] We believe deeply in freedom and self-government [for "our people," Blackwater, and Halliburton, but not for pesky Iraqis or other ungrateful brown people], values embodied in our cherished documents ["which I have now shredded, since, as we all know, is just a goddamned piece of paper, and I'm the Commander in Chief"] and defended by our troops over the course of generations. Our citizens hold the truths of our founding close to their hearts and demonstrate their loyalty in countless ways. [They can demonstrate it best with a boot in your ass, George - preferably followed by trial, conviction, and waterboarding before execution for war crimes.] We are inspired by the patriotic service of the men and women who wear our Nation's uniform with honor and decency. [You mean the ones you fuck over daily? Yeah, those.] The military spouses and families who stand by their loved ones represent the best of the American spirit, and we are profoundly grateful for their sacrifice. [Yeah, their sacrifice. Especially the brown ones. Because it's, like, their mission in life to keep the Republic safe for your lily-white brats to perform their own sacrifice by getting hammered and playing at Girls Gone Wild. Like father, like . . . oh, never mind.] Our country is strengthened by the millions of volunteers who show deep compassion toward their neighbors in need. [Unlike, say, you and FEMA, who prefer to leave drowned bodies floating down the street while you play air guitar. Better still, brown bodies - you know, the kind that would've illegal voted for Democrats anyway.] All citizens can express their loyalty to the United States by flying the flag, participating in our democracy, and learning more about our country's grand story of courage and simple dream of dignity. [Got a suggestion for you, George: How's about you "learn more about our country" - and, say, the Constitution and the rule of law? Oh, that's right; I forgot - it's just a goddamned piece of paper.]

Sweet jumping Jeebus on a trampoline. I would say something here about irony and hypocrisy, but why bother? We are truly in the post-irony age now.

~ L