February 27, 2009

Former first lady adapts to new life

As full-time zonked-out stoner.

Zoned to the gills on Xanax and Fritos, Pickles Stepford says she didn't watch President Barack Obama's speech to Congress because "I just totally forgot about it."

Commercial airline travel with cootie-infested peons, trips to the hardware store for nightlights and countless visits to the liquor store – all part of everyday life these days for Tipsy McStaggers and his wife, and the detail of Secret Service agents assigned to protect them.

-- from Jonathan Karl's adorable little puff-piece (mostly), written from the Bush mansion in an opulent, gated community in an exclusive section of Dallas.