Reminder!
Thursday, 4/3, is Maru's birthday. All hail the Glorious Maru.
: D
What are we doing this weekend?
March 28, 2003
"A very wise person once asked, 'what good is a smart bomb if you have a dumb president?'" - Huey, in The Boondocks.
If you're not a braindead cheerleader for the misadministration, you're against us!
"...I have to say that even I thought it would take the mainstream media more than a week to attempt to undermine the war effort. I didn't think it would happen this soon." - humanoid gasbag and alleged gerbil-abuser Rush 'Pigboy' Limbaugh, seeing "negative bias" in the war coverage. From Conservatives Tailor Tone to Fit Course of the War, in the NY Times.
"I never met Matt Drudge, but if I see Matt Drudge, I'm going to take my red-blooded American foot and put it up his un-American (backside) for trying to disrupt the opening of my movie." - Chris Rock, patriot, 3/27/03.
March 27, 2003
The computer's slower than Squinty McWarcheese trying to get through an issue of Ranger Rick magazine, so I'm going to call it a night. But first:
CAPOZZOLA FOR SENATE 2004
Because he cares what you think.
This just in:
The BFEE Oil Cartel US has walked out of the UN after being called "war criminals" by the Iraqis. Well, sort of. Ironically enough, it was John Negroponte who was feeling insulted. - link.
"Only one question per question"
From the actual transcript of the Blair/Bush bullshitathon:
pReznit Stupid: We'll take two questions a side. We would hope that you would respect asking one question per question. Fournier.
Q: That, of course, means I can ask each leader one question.
The Petulant Pretender: No, it does not mean that. Of course, you will anyway, but --
Q: Mr. President, can you help me understand the timing of this war? You talked yesterday that it will be - we're far from over. Today you said, it's going slowly, but surely we're working our way to our end goal. Given that the resistance has been as strong as it's been in the south, and that we have what you call the most hardened, most desperate forces still around Baghdad, are we to assume that this is going to last - could last months and not weeks - and not days?
The Court-Appointed Idiot: I'll answer that question very quickly and then get to his. However long it takes to win. That's --
Q: -- take months?
The Nooculer Gnatbrain: However long it takes to achieve our objective. And that's important for you to know, the American people to know, our allies to know, and the Iraqi people to know.
Q: It could be months?
pReznit Stupid: However long it takes. That's the answer to your question and that's what you've got to know. It isn't a matter of timetable, it's a matter of victory. And the Iraqi people have got to know that, see. They've got to know that they will be liberated and Saddam Hussein will be removed, no matter how long it takes.
Q: But could I ask you both - you both talked about the history, the justness of the cause that you believe that this war is. Why is it then, that if you go back to that history, if you go back over the last century or, indeed, recent conflicts in your political careers, you have not got the support of people who have been firm allies, like the French, like the Germans, like the Turkish? Why haven't you got their support?
Crabby McCokehead: We've got a huge coalition. As a matter of fact, the coalition that we've assembled today is larger than one assembled in 1991 in terms of the number of nations participating. I'm very pleased with the size of our coalition. I was down yesterday at CENTCOM and met with many of the generals from the countries represented in our coalition, and they're proud to be side-by-side with our allies. This is a vast coalition that believes in our cause, and I'm proud of their participation.
Q: They're not Western allies. Why not?
Drinky McDumbass: We have plenty of Western allies. We've got - I mean, we can give you the list. Ally after ally after ally has stood with us and continues to stand with us. And we are extremely proud of their participation. - Poor Tony Blair. - link.
Snort!
'You may think the air of extreme witlessness impossible to mimic, but is the man on the podium the authentic Dubya, a trained stand-in or an animatronic lookalike? Tim Dowling investigates...
'Most of those who regularly monitor Mr Bush's speech patterns believe that it was the genuine article who spoke at Central Command HQ in Florida yesterday, pointing to a characteristic tendency toward quasi-biblical phrasing - "There will be a day of reckoning for the Iraqi regime, and that day is drawing in near" - and an almost total absence of words of more than three syllables.' - read more at the Guardian.
Iraqi nuke papers were so badly forged his 'jaw dropped'
What is so important about facts, anyway?
'Reuters is reporting that a few hours and a simple Internet search was all it took for UN inspectors to realize that documents backing U.S. and British claims that Iraq had revived its nuclear program were crude fakes. A senior official from the U.N. nuclear agency who saw the documents offered as evidence that Iraq tried to buy 500 tons of uranium from Niger, described one as so badly forged his "jaw dropped." Conversely pResident Bush found this same bogus information so compelling that he added it to his State of the Union Speech in January as proof that Iraq had revived its nuclear program last fall.' - from here and democrats.com.
UK claims 'significant' WMD-related find in Iraq
"We found some chem suits," says secretary to the British Defense Secretary Simon Mountbottom. - link.
Freedom of speech?
Obviously it only applies to rethugs and fretards. Wave that flag!
Comedian Chris Rock has been strongly advised not to engage in any Bush-bashing during the promotion of his new film Head of State.
"We are confident Chris knows this is not the appropriate time to make jokes about war and the president," said one top studio source. "We don't want to get Dixie-Chicked, or anything like that, out of the gate. We've invested tens of millions of dollars in the making of the movie and its marketing." - from drudge.
Good one!
Headline seen at Yahoo News this morning: Al-Jazeera Calls on U.S. to Ensure Free Press.
Dibs
The DickBush Oil Cartel/Repug National Committee United States will not cede control of Iraq to the United Nations if and when it overthrows Saddam Hussein, Colin Powell said on Wednesday. {"if"??}
"We didn't take on this huge burden with our coalition partners not to be able to have a significant dominating control over how it unfolds in the future," Powell told a House of Representatives subcommittee. "Besides, we were there first! It's ours! OURS!!"
"We would not support...essentially handing everything over to the U.N. for someone designated by the U.N. to suddenly become in charge of this whole operation," he added. "Unless the U.N. handed it over to someone like Halliburton or the Carlyle Group, of course." - link.
Russia slams US on Iraqi 'liberation' and warns against planting WMD 'evidence'
Pootie-Poot: "I'm no poodle."
"Russia on Wednesday fired a new broadside against the United States over its military action against Iraq, scorning claims its troops were 'liberating' Iraqis and accusing it of defying world opinion. Foreign Minister Igor Ivanov said 'What the United States is doing challenges not only Iraq, but the whole world. It is already becoming clear how far removed from reality are their attempts to present military action against Iraq as a triumphant march for the liberation of the Iraqi people with minimal casualties and destruction.'
'If there are claims by coalition forces about discovering weapons of mass destruction...only international inspectors can make a conclusive assessment of the origin of these weapons. No other evaluation and final conclusion can be accepted.' Ivanov's sharp attack, following President Vladimir Putin's fierce denunciation at the onset of U.S. military action on March 20, nonetheless marked another downturn in relations." - from here and democrats.com.
March 26, 2003
I say we rename it 'Duh-bya Day'
"Rename April Fools Day for the French - if anyone's ever hung a Kick Me sign on your posterior or spiked your sugar bowl with salt, Paris is ultimately responsible - and they should pay."
The history of April Fools' Day - ABC News.
Unca Karl, kin ah go now?!
Tony 'Piddles' Blair arrived in Washington about an hour ago for a war council with Smirky the Boil-faced Bungler, insisting the United Nations must play a central role in post-war Iraq, not just Chimpy 'n' Dick's pasty rethug oil cartel.
"Do not expect a whole lot of specifics to emerge from this," Blair told reporters on route. "After all, I will have to deal with idiotboy at some point." He headed to the residential retreat at Camp David immediately on arrival, hoping to get a start on filling out his application for a job at Halliburton. - link.
A truly decent man has died
Former U.S. Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan of New York died today, from complications following surgery. He was 76.
Foulmouthed bitch!
I know, I know. I was never more aware of it than when I visited the BF's sister's family this past Saturday - a family with 2 toddlers, and pretty religious to boot. Not only were the typical 4-letter words out, but so was anything that could be regarded as blasphemous. My usual all-purpose curse, 'Jesus fucking Christ,' would have sent them screaming to the Valium, the confessional, and me straight to Hell. I thought my head was going to explode with the effort of not saying anything offensive. I guess I've been making up for it ever since.
Forbidden farm girls! Barnyard lust! Enlarge your penis 2 inches guaranteed!
Crap - as if receiving Viagra ads wasn't enough, I just found this in my email:
Show Your American Patriotism & Support with These High-Quality Shirt - Get yours here
Shirts include color graphics and are emblazoned with Pro-American support slogans such as...
"Game Over 2003" (with Saddam in crosshairs)
"One America United We Stand" (with American flag)
"We're Back Iraq 2003" (fingers making peace sign)
"Support USA Troops 2003" (stars and stripes)
Each of these shirts are made of 100% cotton and are of the highest quality.
Hurry, they are going fast
Support USA Troops [USA@inbox-deal.com].
What, no "Bend Over for Dick!" (Iraqi oil wells with Halliburton logo) shirt?
Buy one, or be a terrist!
Ari's Tuesday press f*cking
Reporter: [W]hy are 'the president' and Prime Minister Blair meeting at Camp David this week rather than at the White House?
Ari 'the Liar' Fleischer: I think they're meeting at Camp David just because it's a very good place to kind of sit down in a more informal atmosphere and to have discussions. {Informal atmosphere. During a war. As our troops are getting killed.} If you recall, Prime Minister Blair came here before for a visit that was supposed to take place at Camp David and it ultimately got canceled because of the weather, and it was held here in its entirety. So there is a little bit of makeup for that. {Because Chimpy McSquirtypants had such a temper tantrum when he was forced to cut last weekend's visit short, we had to promise him we'd let him come back real soon.}
Reporter: Ari, yesterday the U.S. decided to grant one of Halliburton's subsidiaries the contract to put out the oil well fires. And I'm wondering, given that you've known that for months and months in advance that there could be the possibility of oil well fires, why was there not a bid put out to bid on contracts, and was this given without any bidding?
Ari 'the Squirrel' Fleischer: I think you need to address any questions about contracts and bids to the agencies that award the contracts and bids.
Reporter: Is the White House at all worried about the perception, at least even if there is no conflict of interest, but the perception of a conflict of interest, given the Vice President --
Ari 'Serial Liar' Fleischer: I think the question that people want answered is, do we have a plan in place to put out the oil fires, and is it a good plan to put out the oil fires. {No, that's NOT IT!!!}
Reporter: So just awarding it to one company, without --
Ari 'the Lying Squirrel' Fleischer: Again, I'm not familiar with the exact contracting and grants. And so I think - I don't know if the premise of your question is accurate. You need to talk to the granting authorities, not the White House. {......}
Is it too early to be cranky already?
Bushyite apparatchik rips into Canada on Iraq, says Chretien should quiet critics
Just wtf kind of ambassador is this?????
The U.S. ambassador to Canada, Paul 'Shithead' Cellucci, openly criticized Ottawa for not backing the war on Iraq and urged Prime Minister Jean Chretien to muzzle anti-U.S. sentiment in his government. - Canadian bacon, Canadian beer, and Celene Dion threatened in new boycott by xenophobic, witless bushmoonies. - link.
Diplomacy. Statesmanship. A humble nation. Yes, it's good to see the grownups are in charge.
Media lapdogs take it up the ass like sheep
'Why has the news media ignored a Congressman's assertion that White House officials used evidence they knew to be false to build their case for war?
'The revelations [that Iraqi efforts to buy uranium from Niger were hoaxes] could have delivered a damaging blow to the White House's political and diplomatic push for invasion. But the national media rapidly moved off the story, swept up in the administration's rush to war. And it all might have ended there, but for Congressman Henry Waxman. In a scathing letter sent to president Bush last week, the California Democrat demands an investigation into what Bush knew about the forgeries and when he knew it. Waxman, who voted last year to give the administration authority to wage a war in Iraq, says there is reason to believe that he and other members of Congress have been misled.''Noting that the forged letters are just the latest in a string of discredited White House claims, Norman Solomon argues that the mainstream media has frequently been "behind the curve" in reporting on the administration's shortcomings. Solomon, a fellow at the media watchdog group Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting, faults the press for "waiting to be tossed perspectives and critiques from the administration."
The last few months have witnessed a "slow motion Gulf of Tonkin," he says, "and with very few exceptions, the press is swallowing it." - Chris Smith, at MotherJones.com.
March 25, 2003
Don't forget Dick 'Chicanery' Cheney's Halliburton!
WASHINGTON, March 24 - The United States is preparing to establish immediate sole control of postwar Iraq, initially without recourse to the United Nations, with a civilian administration under the direct command of the military, according to senior administration officials.
Even before American troops reach Baghdad, administration officials are assembling a team of civilian officials, largely retired American diplomats, to run Iraq as soon as the fighting is over. - links here and here.
International Law a la Carte
Bush Shreds Treaties, Then Whines When Iraq Follows His Example
Nat Parry writes: "As U.S. forces encounter stiffer-than-expected resistance in Iraq, the Bush administration and the U.S. news media are gaining a sudden reverence for international law. [When] five American soldiers were captured and their images were broadcast Sunday on Iraqi TV, Bush administration officials immediately denounced the brief televised interviews with the prisoners as a violation of the Geneva Conventions. [But on Sunday] Iraqi POWs were paraded before U.S. cameras as 'proof' that Iraqi resistance was crumbling. Some of the scenes showed Iraqi POWs forced at gunpoint to kneel down with their hands behind their heads as they were patted down by U.S. soldiers. Yet neither the Bush administration nor a single U.S. reporter covering the war for the major news networks observed how those scenes might be a violation of international law." And not a single Pentagon stenographer has asked about the illegal treatment of POWs in Afghanistan or Guantanamo. - from here and democrats.com.
Forbidden Video Spreads!
'It looks like that unauthorized video of president Bush primping and practicing on the teleprompter before last Wednesday's war speech is destined to become a cult classic. White House officials cried foul after the BBC broadcast 97 seconds of the not-ready-for-prime-time president, but we hear that broadcast outlets in Portugal and Italy aired a full 10 to 15 minutes of the scene, mistakenly made available by the CBS crew pulling pool duty for the speech.
'Allentown, Pa., viewer Bob Agonis [says] he caught Bush's speech-prep on Portugal's public broadcasting network RTP (for Radioteleviso Portuguesa). Bush could be heard practicing the speech, repeating the same lines over and over, while the Portuguese anchor provided the occasional snickering commentary.
'An American expatriate in Italy, meanwhile, emailed that he caught the video of Bush, "looking rather jumpy," on a satiric half-hour show that airs nightly after the Canale 5 evening news program in Rome. "It was hilarious, and I won't bore you by telling you what an American who has lived in Italy for many years thinks of this whole mess," he wrote. "Some clips are used endlessly, and I suspect that will be the fate of Bush's clip -- and I doubt very much that anybody from here will apologize."' - link.
"Duhhhhh! Phththth! Hehh!
Signs o' spring
A "mismatch between expectations and reality"
'[S]ome of the initial hopes - even assumptions - that Iraqi resistance would quickly crumble seemed not to be panning out. [T]he public had reason to expect something different. The Bush administration had conveyed the impression that the Iraqi government was shaky, that much of the army was not likely to fight and that the Iraqi people would welcome the invasion force with cheers and flowers.' - from the NY Times.
When small penises, giant egos meet reality
Intelligence officials say [Donald 'my way or the highway'] Rumsfeld, his deputy Paul Wolfowitz and other Pentagon civilians ignored much of the advice of the Central Intelligence Agency and the Defense Intelligence Agency in favor of reports from the Iraqi opposition and from Israeli sources that predicted an immediate uprising against Saddam once the Americans attacked.
"The Secretary of Defense cut off the flow of Army units, saying this thing would be over in two days. He shut down movement of the 1st Cavalry Division and the1st Armored Division. Now we don't even have a nominal ground force," said a retired senior general who has followed the evolution of the war plan. "We are in deep doodoo now. Christ, what a fucking rectum that shithead is." - snipped from here. Mostly.
It's morning already???
The latest headlines:
- - - IronicTimes.
March 24, 2003
The real idiots
Snipped from Brent Flynn's column:
'This was my last column to appear in the Star Community Newspaper cluster. It is ironic that after writing a forceful essay in support of the first amendment, my column was cancelled. I was told that because I had attended an anti-war rally, I had violated the newspaper's ethics policy that prohibits members of the editorial staff from participating in any political activity other than voting. I was also told that my objectivity as a reporter would be called into question...In my opinion, a powerful liberal voice was unwelcome in the conservative Republican county served by my newspaper. The fact that the column was cancelled just days before the start of the US invasion of Iraq raises serious questions about the motives for the cancellation.
'I would say that people who hold up the First Amendment as an example of America's greatness but then disparage those who exercise that right to peaceably assemble are the real, useful idiots. Those cynics cherish freedom and democracy as abstract principles but loathe those same ideals when they are put into practice in support of a cause with which they disagree.
'Before the Bush hawks start exporting democracy to the Middle East through the use of military force, maybe we should make sure we've got it right in America.'
It was interesting to see Squinty McGolfcart cut his mini-vacation at Camp David short this weekend. Were all those stories about the Bungler-in-Chief sleeping well and relaxing while our troops were getting shot up backfiring a bit?? F*cktards. "Andy? It's Karl. Listen, we better get the little doofus back to Washington - we're starting to get some bad press...yeah, OK, it's mostly from the internet, but still...No, tell him he can finish his video game back at the White House..." Christ.
"Those who stand against this attack are dunned as 'Not supporting the troops.' One might suggest the best way to support troops is to see them brought home safely. One might also suggest that support continues after the shooting stops. This does not appear to be on the agenda for the Republican Party. A vote along party lines today in the House Budget Committee slashed $9.7 billion from veterans disability compensation programs, as well as from other programs. These cuts, pushed through the committee by the majority-holding Republicans, are part of the plan to see Bush's new $1.57 trillion tax cut through. Wave that flag, George." - Mike B, via email.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter." - George Washington.
You should all be very proud of yourselves
{/sarcasm}
Blacklists and goosestepping
"Gulf War II is in full swing on the home front. In the latest manifestation of the 200-year-old struggle over what it means to be patriotic, the war dissidents are taking a beating. The Dixie Chicks' music has been banned on certain radio stations. Former President Jimmy Carter has been told by Republican Sen. John McCain to 'shut up.' Senate Democratic Leader Tom Daschle has similarly been told by House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to fermez la bouche; he also has been tagged 'the senator from France' - which these days is apparently deemed the mother of all insults.
"Thirteen prominent actors and musicians have been listed by the New York Post as 'Saddam Lovers' whose work should be boycotted. Eric Foner, a prominent historian, has been labeled 'an ornament of Columbia University's Marxist firmament.' The other night, a rodeo fan in Texas was spat on when he stayed in his seat during the playing of Lee Greenwood's 'Proud to Be an American.'" - Dick Polman, courtesy of democrats.com. Disgusting.
"We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elects a fictitious president. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons. Whether it's the fictition of duct tape or fictition of orange alerts we are against this war, Mr. Bush. Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you. And any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up." - Michael Moore, during his Oscar acceptance speech (Best Documentary) for Bowling For Columbine.
March 23, 2003
Ick!
LOL -
"Meanwhile bags of bite-sized, pre-chewed mini-pretzels have been flown in from Pennsylvania for George's enjoyment while he plays a pre-release copy of Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell on his Playstation 2 as Howard Fineman serves him tequila shooters with Zima backs while dressed in a French Freedom maid's costume." - Tom, at TBOGG.
'What, me worry?'
"The 'president' is following his normal routine" - WH spokes-tool and diaper-changer Ari 'the Liar' Fleischer, unfortunately telling the truth for once.
'With public support strong, demonstrations relatively quiet and the war proceeding well so far, Georgetown University government professor Stephen 'buttkisser' Wayne says it's to be expected for the president to keep to the activities, such as exercise, family and time at Camp David, that make him most comfortable..
'Through the incessant tension, Bush apparently has not lost his sense of humor. He was overheard laughing heartily during a meeting with his Cabinet.' - link.
No Sign Yet of Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction
Well, duh! We haven't had a chance to plant any yet, have we??! - link.
'Bush's Posture: A Leader Apart' - From Reality
Snipped from the Washingtoon comPost, with comments inserted by what some would consider an unpatriotic commie traitor:
The White House portrayed president Bush this week as a wartime CEO at a dignified remove from the twists and turns of the attack on Iraq, with his staff insisting that he pays little attention to the televised bombing. {'Look, unca Karl, I won at Frogger! I'm gonna go out an' hit some golf balls now!'}
[A]nalysts say the decision inside the White House to accentuate that image in the opening days of the war also looked like an effort to insulate Bush from temporary setbacks while setting him up for credit if the invasion ends as the big success his aides say they expect. {Jesus, Andy, get the little fucker away from the windows! The last thing we need are any photos getting out of him playing Superman...}
A senior administration official said that while working on a war speech on the flight back from last weekend's summit in the Azores, Bush took a break to watch "Conspiracy Theory," the Mel Gibson movie. {'pResidentin' is hard!'}
Bush has told visitors he is sleeping well and exercising regularly. {Well, sure, WTF does HE have to worry about???! God has chosen him after all. To be a TOTAL ASSWIPE.} And the official said Bush has given up desserts to try to bring down his running time. {Hey, he's so focused it's SCARY.} "In these type of times, he becomes even more disciplined than usual," the official said. {Jesus fucking Christ in a wind-up chariot.....} - link.
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