Hmmmm... they're not using the name "Santorum" to describe anyth... d'oh!
Democrat Rep. James Moran of Virginia once declared that if the Dems ever regained control of Congress while he was still a member, he would introduce legislation to remove the name "Ronald Reagan" from the Saint Ronnie of Reagan National Airport.

Developing...

Or not. Predictably, the freetards used this blurboid to drag Bill Clinton's name through the mud again, then had the mosquito-nads to say "and the hate from the left continues." Yeah, whatever, assholes.

- m

Values and principles!
One of RimJob's asscheesy chronic masturbators has endorsed America's Mayor® for President:

They are beginning....the lies and the smears and the awful things that the fools think will turn good conservatives away from Rudy, but I tell you, and I am conservative, Rudy is the guy.....the Man....a leader for America who will hold our values and our heads up and not be scared away by liberals, the media or any tin horn dictator anywhere in the world

We need a man with values and principles and that man is Rudy G.....

they are going to karp about his re marriage, (so what) or the fact that he actually does not agree with every conservative position, but I say this election, the office of the president, it too important to be held hostage to "every stinking" ideal we all hold true....

"Stinking ideal"? Like the sanctity of marriage? The Constitution? The Bill of Rights? Habeus corpus? What?

- m

"You said it, honey! Meet you at the Copa!"
****

Fox News aided terrorist organization
... can be charged under recent legislation signed by... shit.

Palestinian terror groups received $2 million in exchange for the release of two kidnapped Fox News employees, and the money was used to purchase weapons - including rockets - which would be utilized "to hit the Zionists."

A Fox News channel source said "many parties were involved," including the US government.

Look, Nancy Pelosi's wearing aqua!

- m

B... b... but... Pelosi!
Troop-hating Islamofascist-loving defeatocan't Bill Frist tells Sean Hannity "We are not winning in Iraq."

- m

"What? You didn't call me a terrorist-enabler, did you, Sean? Didn't think so."
*****

Traditional moral values and the sanctity of marriage
Minn. state Rep. Mark Olson (R-Obviously) was being held in jail after being arrested for an alleged domestic assault on his wife Sunday.

Olson is a extremely conservative member of the Republican party. He has been one of the foremost proponents of plans to “protect marriage” by banning gay marriages and has been deeply involved in similar social conservative wedge issues.

Beating your wife on the Lord's Day - how fucking ghey is that, dude?

- m

Segregationalist fanboy elected to leadership position
The party of integrity and values has elected Trent Lott as minority whip. Squidgy, doughlike milquetoast Mitch McConnell has been elected Senate republican leader.

- m

"I'm number two! I'm number two!"
*****

The top 5 election headlines
As spun by republicans:

5. Republicans Retain Control of Executive, Judicial Branches

4. True to Values, GOP Pols Opt to Spend More Time With Families

3. Dems Admit No Exit Strategy for Invasion of Congress, Senate

2. Mr. Pelosi's Wife to Run House

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Spun Election Headline:

1. Bush Brings Democracy to Formerly Oppressed Country

Trent "I used to be somebody!" Lott wants to be somebody again
The bigoted funnyman is - ironically - running for minority whip.

Lott was forced to step down as Senate majority leader in 2002 after comments he made at former Sen. Strom Thurmond’s birthday party touched off a racially charged controversy and the White House threw its backing to now-Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Douchebag).

Lamar Alexander (R), has already declared his whip bid and continues to make calls lining up support before Wednesday’s leadership elections.

- m

Ready for his close-up




America's Mayor™, the flamboyant and fabulous Rudy Giuliani, made it official on Monday, filing the paperwork needed to launch a 2008 Presidential campaign.

The thrice-married, adulterous former mayor and showgirl is a supporter of gun control, gay marriage and abortion rights, and is sure to give the major bleeding trots to the GOP's conservative base.

This ought to be good.

- m

Pic from here.

A 'national catastrophe'
As things continue to go remarkably well in Iraq, universities have been ordered closed after 20 people were killed and up to 150 people were kidnapped from a research institute at Baghdad's education ministry.

In other spreadin' democracy news, Baghdad's morgues are overflowing with freedom.

- m

Changin' the course
As things continue to go remarkably well in Iraq, violence in Baghdad has reached "civil war proportions."

Turning another corner, morgues across a wide sweep of the center of the country are full as Shiite militiamen and death squads range through the region killing Sunnis.

As insurgents in Iraq increase their attacks in order to influence the US mid-term elections, 20 are killed in a bus bombing in Baghdad, and violence across the country claims at least 159.

With the insurgency in its last throes, a suicide bomber blew himself up outside a police recruiting center in Baghdad early Sunday, killing at least 35 men waiting to join Iraq's police force, and wounding 56, police said.

Adapting to win, three US troops were reported killed, as were four British service members.

Meanwhile, in Afghanistan, things continue to go swimmingly as insurgent activity increases: "militants now launch more than 600 attacks a month, a rising wave of violence that has resulted in 3,700 deaths in 2006, a bleak new report released Sunday found."

- m

Anthrax hoaxer may be a freetard
The man arrested Saturday for mailing white powder to Keith Olbermann, Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Jon Stewart and David Letterman may be one of RimJob's moral values, Godfearing, freedom-lovi autofellating shitbags, Duh! Daily reports.

- m

Something something Joe Lieberman something something something
Sanctimonius whiny-ass titty-baby leaves GOP door, rectum open.

"I'm not ruling it out," the egomaniacal twirp said Sunday, on whether there's a chance he will officially switch to the party of integrity and values. "But I hope I don't get to that point."

Translation: give me what I want, Reid, and I won't go over to them.

- m

Traditional moral values
In Nevada, "metro police have subpoenaed telephone records of Republican Gov.-elect Jim Gibbons, political strategist Sig Rogich and other witnesses in the investigation into allegations that Gibbons assaulted a woman and tried to force himself on her sexually."

- m

Bob Novak: "change my colostomy bag before I shit myself"
Senile, incontinent Douchebag of Liberty cranks off:

The House members blame their leadership for tasting the bitter dregs of defeat. Yet, the consensus so far is that they will re-elect some or all of those leaders. In private conversation - which I'm blabbing about here - Republican members of Congress blame Majority Leader John Boehner and Majority Whip Roy Blunt in no small part for their midterm election debacle. Yet, either Boehner, Blunt or both are expected to be returned to office to continue their failed policies, shady deals with lobbyists, and midnight parties with gay male prostitu... what? Oh look, there's my pants.

- m

Thumpin'
In another blow to Smirky McStupidson, his wax chimpnitudeness took major slappage at Madame Tussaud's in Las Vegas, suffering about $25,000 in head damages when a pissed-off visitor bludgeoned it the day before the elections.

-m

Analysis of Iraq's future: God, it sucks. Real bad.
The Iraq Study Group, led by longtime Bush family repairman James "aw shit, not again" Baker, will be meeting with Retard McMoron Monday to discuss the situation in Iraq - which is "even worse than we thought.''

Private assessments by government officials are much more grim than what is said in public, group member Leon Panetta said, "and we left some of those sessions shaking our heads over how bad it is in Iraq.''

US forces can't control sectarian violence and powerful militias. One of the most disturbing findings, Panetta said, is that many Shiite religious leaders who are a big part of the government have no interest in deals or compromises with Sunnis and other groups.

"How do you maintain a low-level civil war so it doesn't blow up into a full-scale civil war?''

Constantly change tactics to achieve a strategic goal? Adapt to win? Continue to win hearts and minds? Make the pie higher?

- m

Repukes rip Rove new rectum
Repubs point to "massive Rove bunging" - oh, sorry, that's "massive Rove bungling": conservative asswiper the New York comPost declares "Rove genius no more."

No one's calling Karl Rove "Boy Genius" anymore. After last week's election debacle, some Republicans wonder aloud if it's time for [Bush's grublike, pastry-crumb-covered 'brain'] to follow Don Rumsfeld and walk the plank.

The final blow for many Republicans was [the Decider]'s decision to fire Rumsfeld right after the election - instead of a few months before, when it might have helped save the House and Senate.

"Everyone knew the election was about Iraq except them," says a disgusted GOP strategist, noting that it was Rove's job to make sure Bush knew.

You can see why some Republicans are recalling [Thumpie McStupid]'s other nickname for Rove: Pompous, Asshatted Slimebag "Turd Blossom."

- m

Bush faces GOP ire over Rumsfeld timing
Reboobs who were for Rumsfeld before they were against him are now howling because he wasn't shitcanned before election day.

The White House is "trying to soothe" whiny-ass losers who say the party might have done better on election day if the popular war president hadn't waited until afterwards when they all lost lost lost! to oust fellow incompetent Donald Rumsfeld. Wehhhhhhhhhhh.

- m

Funnay
The 2006 election… a comedic roundup:

Accountabilitude
Karl Rove, Boy Genius, Bush's Brain, the Architect, oversized bag of ... ahem... ego: "it wasn't my fault."

Virginia GOP left in despair, macaca after defeat of George Allen
Stunned repukes, at a loss after Reagan-like wonder-boy had ass handed to him, look to a dismal future -

Some Republicans, particularly in the House, believe that their majorities will be saved by redistricting -- the GOP drew dozens of safe seats -- and an emphasis on local issues.

But pollster Pete Brodnitz said demographic and partisan shifts, particularly in the suburbs, could erode the Republican advantage from redistricting.

"If they think they can hide behind their lines, they're kidding themselves ," said Brodnitz.

LOL

Welcome to America and the real world
Macaca? You're soaking in it!

The macaca incident had resonance beyond Virginia not just because it was a hit on YouTube. It came to stand for 2006 as a whole because it was synergistic with a national Republican campaign that made a fetish of warning that a Congress run by Democrats would have committee chairmen who are black (Charles Rangel) or gay (Barney Frank), and a middle-aged woman not in the Stepford mold of Laura Bush as speaker. In this context, Mr. Allen’s defeat was poetic justice: the perfect epitaph for an era in which Mr. Rove systematically exploited the narrowest prejudices of the Republican base, pitting Americans of differing identities in cockfights for power and profit, all in the name of “faith.”

Perhaps the most interesting finding in the exit polls Tuesday was that the base did turn out for Mr. Rove: white evangelicals voted in roughly the same numbers as in 2004, and 71 percent of them voted Republican, hardly a mass desertion from the 78 percent of last time. But his party was routed anyway. It was the end of the road for the boy genius and his can’t-miss strategy that Washington sycophants predicted could lead to a permanent Republican majority.

What a week this was! Here’s to the voters of both parties who drove a stake into the heart of our political darkness. If you’ll forgive me for paraphrasing George Allen: Welcome back, everyone, to the world of real America.

- Frank Rich.

The Bush legacy
Headed for toilet-town... In yet another well-deserved blow to the Unitin' Decider, his country-destroying enablers, and the mouthbreathing autofellating troglodytes of the Keyboard Kommandos, Snippy the Chimp's job approval rating has fallen to just 31 percent . Worst of all, according to the new Newsweek poll , "most Americans are writing off the rest of Bush’s presidency."

Fun fact: Bill Clinton’s lowest rating during his presidency was 36 percent.

Fun fact 2: polls show "massive support" for the Democratic Congress’s agenda.

Veterans' Day
Just go read...

Can we add James Carville?*
A list of people who must now officially shut the fuck up.

*Here's why.

Breaking news, from Duh! Daily
"ANALYSIS: Things aren't going Bush's way."


Karma sucks, doesn't it, dude?
****

Henry Waxman: "where do I start??!"
Sweet!

The Democratic congressman who will investigate the Bush misadministration's running of the government [into the ground] says there are so many areas of possible wrongdoing, his biggest problem will be deciding which ones to pursue...

Subpoenas would be used only as a last result, Mr. Waxman said, taking a jab at a previous committee chairman, GOP Rep. Dan Burton of Indiana, who led the committee during part of the Clinton administration.

“He issued a subpoena like most people write a letter,” Mr. Waxman said.

On the list? For starters, the response to Hurricane Katrina
Government contracting in Iraq and on homeland security
Domestic spying/wiretapping
Political interference in regulatory decisions by the EPA and FDA
Allegations of war profiteering
Dick 'dick' Cheney's energy task force
The Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse scandal
The leak of CIA operative Valerie Plame's name
Pre-Iraq war use of intelligence

Reminder
'Bipartisanship' doesn't mean 'continuing to take it up the ass.'

- m

German lawsuit seeks to punish Rumsfeld, others, for war crimes

Whoo, things happen fast sometimes. Iraqis held at Abu Ghraib and Guantánamo want a criminal investigation of Rumsfeld, Gonzales, and others responsible for conditions and interrogation techniques in the two prisons:

Lawyers for the plaintiffs say that one of the witnesses who will testify on their behalf is former Brig. Gen. Janis Karpinski, the one-time commander of all U.S. military prisons in Iraq. Karpinski — who the lawyers say will be in Germany next week to publicly address her accusations in the case — has issued a written statement to accompany the legal filing, which says, in part: "It was clear the knowledge and responsibility [for what happened at Abu Ghraib] goes all the way to the top of the chain of command to the Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld ."

'Spose this is another reason why Chimpbreath McWedgie gave Rummy the heave-ho at this particular time?

--dg

Dobson quits Haggard "restoration" team, citing lack of time

Since making Haggard "ungay" isn't going to happen no matter how much time Dobson et al. spend on the "deprogramming," I'd say this could almost be construed as an intelligent decision. But since it's Dobson, it's just lame.

--dg

Wanna buy some cubicles cheap?

Rick Santorum's campaign office furniture is for sale on craigslist. Oh, the schadenfreude!














--dg

(link via Wonkette)

Changin' the course

As insurgents in Iraq increase their attacks in order to influence the US mid-term elections, relentless killing has left 3 more US soldiers and dozens of civilians dead in the past 24 hours. The US death toll for November so far is 23.

Turning another corner, the Iraqi health minister's 'stunning' new death count is 150,000 civilians dead in the war.

As we adapt to win, reports show that the new Pentagon head has limited strategic and tactical options in Iraq.

Paper slams Coulter and so-called probe into her 'alleged' voting fraud
The Palm Beach Post is calling for a Florida election official to get all over harpy skank trAnn Coulter's syphilitic ass:

"Coulter, who specializes in tirades against Democrats and others whom she considers unpatriotic, voted in the wrong Palm Beach precinct during the town's February election," the editorial stated. "As a result, Supervisor of Elections Arthur Anderson had a chance to show the public that even celebrities aren't above the law. Instead, he has made a halfhearted attempt to turn the matter over to the state attorney's office...

Dr. Anderson last week sent the state attorney a letter citing his 'exhaustive efforts to bring closure to the allegation,' and the conclusion that his office is not suited to 'undertake this investigatory challenge.' To his request for guidance, State Attorney Barry Krischer suggests that he call the police -- and, this time, turn in names of witnesses to the alleged crime."

C*nt.

Friction already evident as Democratic leaders refuse to lube up, bend over
"President Bush suffered a fresh blow..."

One day after he pledged to work in a bipartisan manner, Spanky McAsshat renominated no-talent assclown John Bolton to UN ambassador - angering Dems, who accused the White House of trying to "jam this nomination through during a lame duck session" of Congress.

"I see no point in considering Mr. Bolton's nomination again," said Democratic Senator Joe Biden. "Fuck that."

Update: Bolton is essentially dead in the water, thanks to not only Democrats, but Republican Lincoln Chafee:

"The American people have spoken out against the president's agenda on a number of fronts, and presumably one of those is on foreign policy," Chafee said. "And at this late stage in my term, I'm not going to endorse something the American people have spoke out against."

- m

"B... b...but ah'm the Decider!"
*****

President's outright lying raises questions of columnist's choice of lubricant
Oh, for the love of crap, Howie, you whore.

Did the president of the United States make a rare admission on national television that he had told an untruth? Or had he merely engaged in a dodge of the sort that is common in politics? Journalists by nature shy from pinning the "liar" label on any political leader, {Unless that leader's name is "Bill Clinton." - Ed.} but President Bush's acknowledgments that he had not been forthcoming about his plans to dump Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld have kicked up a fuss at the White House and sparked a debate about the limits of presidential evasion.

Blah blah blah. Is there a bigger, more pathetic douchenozzle than the WaComPo's wHoward Kurtz? He goes thru a lot of evasion and purty words, but when you come right down to it, Bush stood in front of the nation and lied. Again.

Six days before the election, Bush told reporters in an interview that Rumsfeld was doing a "fantastic" job.

"You see [him] staying with you until the end?" asked Terence Hunt of the Associated Press.

"I do," Bush replied.

"So you're expecting Rumsfeld, Secretary Rumsfeld, to stay on the rest of your time here?" asked Steve Holland of Reuters.

"Yes, I am," the president said.

The rest, like Howie's clean new white underpants, is history.

Fun fact: Jebus McLiar has been planning to fire Rumsfeld since late summer, the NY Times reports.

- m

Awwwwwwww
A nice thank you letter to America's voters, from the UK Guardian.

[T]he 2006 midterms bring to an end the 12 intensely divisive years of Republican House rule that began under Newt Gingrich in 1994. These have been years of zealously and confrontational conservative politics that have shocked the world and, under Mr Bush, have sent America's global standing plummeting. That long political hurricane has now at last blown itself out for a while, but not before leaving America with a terrible legacy...

Maybe the more pragmatic Republican old guard can come to the rescue of this disastrous presidency in its most catastrophic adventure. But it has been the American voters who have at last made this possible. For that alone the entire world owes them its deep gratitude today.

Our pleasure, dudes.
- m

And take your drapes with you
RNC headgay Ken Mehlman, whose party spectacularly lost both chambers of Congress, will not be returning to his post when his term ends in January. According to CNN's John King, Kenny's "been on the gerbil wheel, as one of his close friends put it, for well in excess of six years now and he's tired." Okie-dokie.

Fun fact: The most trusted name in news has censored the video and the actual transcript of the Larry King segment that outed Kenny as a hypocritical fudge-seeking pantsmissile, had YouTube pull the video, and sent cease-and-desist letters to bloggers using the unedited footage.

Bonus: the Moonie Times reported this morning that the chairmanship has been offered to Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele. It is rumored that Kenny will join the campaign to elect America's Mayor© for president in 2008.

- m

"Fabulous!"
***

This week in science
Neanderthals in gene pool, study suggests.

Cheney on the outs
"George, in desperation, brings in Daddy's boys to rescue him from the failure of his own making" - BuzzFlash.

Powermad cyborg left on the sidelines like so much dogshit as Poppy's little helpers are called in to bail out Junior.

Now [James Baker and Robert Gates] are in charge, having been handed one of the biggest military, diplomatic and public-relations messes in recent American history. Gates and Baker - and other pragmatists such as Brent Scowcroft - have been called in over the objections of Vice President Cheney. He knew what the arrival of Gates and the Old Boys means. It means that the pragmatists have won the battle for the president's attention.

Go fuck yourself.

- m

Kenny's traditional republican val...



Bill Maher outs Republican party head Ken Mehlman as gay gay gay on Larry King Live.

- m
*****

World welcomes complete and total assdrubbing of Bush, gpukes
Citizens and politicians across much of the world welcomed the political humiliation of Awol McStupemonkey, the rubberstamping assclowns of the Republican Party, and clueless warlord Darth Rummy.

Finally winning over Muslim hearts and minds -

Iraqis on Thursday cheered the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld, blaming him for policy failures and scandals they say helped spawn the daily sectarian carnage wracking their nation. "Rumsfeld's resignation shows the scale of the mess the U.S. has made in Iraq," said Ibrahim Ali, 44, who works at the Oil Ministry. "The efforts by American politicians to hide their failure are no longer working."

The politics of failure have failed!

- m

Blogs toast mother-of-lesbian's lesbian bodice-ripper
Snarling harpy Lynne Cheney has been 'the toast of the blogs' since she vehemently denied to a pummelled and bleeding Wolf Blitzer "I never wrote about her having sex with that woman, Lesba McLesbian."

Really? Let's go to an excerpt...

"The women who embraced in the wagon were Adam and Eve crossing a dark cathedral stage -- no, Eve and Eve, loving one another as they would not be able to once they ate of the fruit and knew themselves as they truly were."

As you can imagine, gay and lesbian web sites have been having a field day with this...

Hee hee... wonder if the whip part from "Rawhide" was running through her head as she wrote that passage.

-m

Talk radio hosts lick election wounds, ass
Conservative hate radio gasbags, hit with a big fat stick o'mandate, snivelled into their penile-like mics (called 'Bushies') as they tried to console their "outraged and dismayed" callers. Who actually turned out to be more outraged and dismayed at petulant asscracks Rush Limbaugh et al for not 'unequivocally supporting the Republican Party' than at the undeniable fact that they're all now pathetic, humbled, scumsucking losers.

- m

Jerkoff
Now that he has no choice in the matter, Retard McJebus pledges to work with the Osama-hugging terrist-enabling Demon uhhhh... the Taxocr ummmm errrrrrrr... Democrats.

Hamstrung by the collapse of his republican majority in Congress, Snippy the Chimp faced the humbling task on Thursday of reaching across party lines to top Democrats swept to power by voter anger over his Iraq policy. Trying to salvage the rest of his [pathetic, divisive] presidency, Bush promised to strike a new tone of bipartisanship after years of partisan rancor.

"Ah've decided - ah'm the Decider, see - to be a uniter, not a divider. Don't hurt me."

- m