From the 'great news!' department...
//sarcasm
Experts: New bones at WTC in good shape.
Exxon Mobil posts $10.49 BILLION profit in 3Q. Ten point five billion fucking dollars profit. Fuck me.
- m

Please welcome...
BuzzFlash.net!

- m

Impotent junkie scumbag wins major prize
Disgusting POS Rush Limbaugh is the winner of the 2006 Swift Boat Asshole In Action award. Take a bow, then go fuck yourself, you fucking pig.

- m

God bless America
Quickdraw McCheney on the use of water-boarding: "It's a no-brainer for me."

- m

"Your puppies? They're next!"
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Get out!
Voter chaos predicted at US polls, the Duh Weekly reports.

'A nonpartisan organization tracking election reform across the United States released a report Wednesday warning that 10 states are likely to experience severe problems on November 7 because of electronic voting machines and new voter identification laws that could call into question the results of some races.'

- m

An interview with our manly statesman, President Bush!!!
Yesterday, in yet another sign of desperation and impending doom, Retard McJebus again sat down to catapult the propaganda with the press. The conservative, asskissing, GOPblowing press. Here's one 'man''s take on that insightful, historic, I-just-spurted-in-my-shorts meeting -

Michael Barone, of US News and World Report (who got paid for writing this spoogie, noninformative yet embarrassing paean):

"This afternoon I had the privilege of being one of eight columnists lobbing moist, squishy softballs interviewing George W. Bush in the circleje Oval Office. The others were Tony Blankley of the Washington Times, Daniel Henninger of the Wall Street Journal, Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post, Lawrence Kudlow of CNBC, Kathleen Parker of the Orlando Sentinel, Mark Steyn of the Chicago Sun-Times, and Byron York of National Review – all conservatives of various stripes. It was soooo compelling!

"Like many others who have been with Bush in the Oval Office, I have found him to be much more articulate and forceful in that setting than he often is in press conferences or in taking questions from the lieberal scum of the drive-by media. Gosh, he's just so awesome! I found him energetic, focused, articulate, and in command of his thoughts, and I think you will too if you listen to the audio... Sigh...

"After an energetic rump-rogering by the manly commander-in-chief and on my way out the door, I asked him what he had been reading lately. The answer: Andrew Roberts's A History of the English-Speaking Peoples Since 1900. Roberts is a friend of mine (!!!!) (and of Mark Steyn), a British history writer who has written the definitive biography of the 3rd Marquis of Salisbury and a delightful volume of essays on Winston Churchill's opponents, Eminent Churchillians. Gee! Just how awesome is that?1!! Roberts's English-Speaking Peoples is an extension of Churchill's history that ends around 1900, and I expect that it will take Churchill's view: that the English-speaking peoples have over the centuries taken over - ahem - taken up the responsibility of expanding freedom and spreading democracy and the rule of law around the world.

"That is Bush's view as well, as I was reminded when I noticed the bust of Churchill as I was leaving the Oval Office. Gosh! What a man!! He's just so Churchillian!!1! He sooooo rulz1!!!1!"

Asshole.

- m

High moral st...
Voting Democratic will turn us all gay! Gay gay gay!

Embattled Indiana dipshit Rep. John Hostettler has launched a radio ad that warns that a vote for his Democratic opponent could "advance a homosexual agenda."

In a new campaign ad, a voice says a vote for challenger Brad Ellsworth would be a vote for California Democrat Nancy Pelosi as House speaker.

"Pelosi will then put in motion her radical plan to advance the homosexual agenda, led by Barney Frank, reprimanded by the House after paying for sex with a man who ran a gay brothel out of Congressman Frank's home," the narrator says.

Charges that the House Ethics Committee rejected as untrue, by the way.

- m

Gay RNC head Ken Mehlman swallows yet another antacid.
*****

Funnay!
Hypocritical repuke WATB dimbulb gets off a good one.

Elizabeth Dole: "Democrats around the country are seeking to exploit the Iraq war to gain electoral advantage."

Buh... buh... but... 9/11! Terra! Mushroom clouds! Wehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
- m

High moral stan...
Convicted felon's successor faces legal controversy over qustions of residency.

Randy 'Duke' Cunningham replacement Brian Bilbray may face criminal charges over whether his prime residence is in California or Virginia. As his opponent Francine Busby said, "There are discrepancies suggesting that Mr. Bilbray may be subject to charges of perjury and fraud, and voters have a right to know the facts before the election."

- m

High moral standards
Embattled slimeball liar stoops to alleged bribery, threats and slander of victim

Yet another breaking scandal involving already-busted hypocrital repug scumbag.

A waitress said Wednesday she was offered money to recant allegations that married Republican congressman Jim Gibbons assaulted and propositioned her after a drunken party at a Las Vegas restaurant.

- m

Crist denies trysts
GOP frontrunner: I have never had sex with that man, Jason Wetherington.
Or that other man, Bruce Jordan. Or that other man, Phil McCrackin. Or that other man...

Charlie Crist, the family-values/traditional marriage frontrunner in the Florida governor's race, is denying that a) he had sex with GOP staffer Jason Wetherington; b) his 'long-term partner' is a man; c) he's had sex with any man; d) he has pet gerbils; and e) he's gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Unless he's lying.

Fun fact: almost nobody believes him. Except maybe about the gerbils.

- m

War now works against the GOP
Why does America hate America?

[The majorly fucked-up deadly fiasco of] Iraq is not only a potent issue in its own right, but is also a resonant metaphor for growing skepticism about the administration's performance, and doubts about the competence and accountability of the Republican Party.

In ever-increasing numbers, anti-merican defeatocraps are troubled not only by the huge amount of war deaths -- 93 Americans killed this month, the highest total in a year -- but also by what the Bush misadministration's approach to Iraq says about its ability to manage other crises, such as nooculer North Korea.

- m

"They were talking to President Bush about what he likes to do in his spare time. He said what he likes to do is get on the Internet and he Googles. He likes to look at satellite photos of his ranch. Well, great. How about looking for Osama bin Laden?" - David Letterman.



Constantly adjustin' our tactics to stay ahead of our freedom-hatin' emenies
4 US Marines, 1 sailor killed in Iraq as we constantly adjust our tactics across the country to meet the changin' threat of our enemies who hate freedom.

And in Afghanistan, where things are going swimmingly, 60 civilians have been killed. By NATO troops.

- m

"My fingers taste funny!"
*****

US generals call for Democratic takeover
Why do our troops hate America?

Disgusted with the leadership of the Iraq war, two retired generals say the GOP must go.

Two retired senior Army generals, who served in Iraq and previously voted Republican, are now openly endorsing a Democratic takeover of Congress. The generals, and an active-duty senior military official, told Salon in separate interviews that they believe a Democratic victory will help reverse course from what they consider to be a disastrous Bush administration policy in Iraq.

"The rest of us still in uniform cannot publicly articulate our own concerns, but there is a whole bunch of people out there who feel [this] way," said an active-duty senior military official. When asked if he was a Republican, he responded, "I was in the past." He railed against the Bush administration's head-in-the-sand approach to the war. "What do we have today? Holy shit. Now you have sectarian violence? That is a new term, by the way," the official fumed, emphasizing that before the war and even well into a volatile occupation nobody in the Bush administration "would even believe there would be an insurgency."

Iraqis were better off under Saddam
'The war in Iraq is a "pure failure" that has left Iraqis in a worse state than when they lived under Saddam Hussein, former United Nations chief weapons inspector Hans Blix said in comments published Wednesday.'

Constantly adjustin,' 'cause democraps kept pickin' on us over our stupid 'stayin' the course' slogan which sucked major monkeydick anyway 'cause that wasn't working either
Constantly changing tactics to achieve a strategic goal, more US troops may be needed in Iraq.

Meanwhile, in Afghanistan, where things are going swimmingly, attacks by the Taliban are up 300%.

- m

Defeatists call for cutting and running, enabling the terrists
Only this time, one of the defeatists is Bush family consigliere and election-fixer James Baker, whose report on the Iraq fiasco boils down to three words: forget democracy, dude.

Policymakers are abuzz with the explosive recommendations for U.S. policy toward Iraq soon to be released by the Baker-Hamilton Commission: Abandon democracy, seek political compromise with the Sunni insurgents, and engage Tehran and Damascus as partners to secure stability in their neighbor.

Former secretary of state James Baker and former representative Lee Hamilton said they would withhold their report until after the elections on November 7 to avoid its politicization.

- via the rightwingnut FrontPageRag.

Another defeatist is Preznit Shitforbrains: The Moonie Times reports that Bush is planning to overturn the elections in Iraq: Iraqi army officers are reportedly planning to stage a military coup with US help to oust the government of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. Ah, purple-fingered democratude... thanks for the photo-op, now fuck you.

- m

High moral st...
RNC headcheese Ken Mehlman says he doesn't have the authoritay to stop the RNC racist attack ad run by the RNC against Dem Harold Ford Jr.

- m

Homo.
****

High moral stan...
Susan Combs, family-values conservative, hypocrite and author of steamy "bodice-ripper" is running for the powerful state comptroller position in Texas.

The now-out-of-print novel pairs government code-breaker Emily Brown with Ross Harding, a spy assigned to protect her after she intercepts a message that endangers her life. Our heroine is "a freckle-faced brunette" who is drawn to "the gray-eyed bodyguard" and his "powerful, strong arms," and desires him to "fill the aching void at her center," where a "deep heaviness throbbed in her belly." Much moaning, panting and stroking ensues.

- m

High moral standards
Breaking scandal in Arizona involving, of course, a Republican

Arizona Congressman Rick Renzi is under federal investigation for some questionable land deals. - m