May 1, 2009

Friday Funnies

"President Obama, if you take a look at it, has accomplished quite a lot in his first 100 days. By way of comparison, take a look at George W. Bush's first 100 days in office. This is in his memoir. So, according to that, Bush spent 100 days in the Oval Office looking for the corner." --David Letterman

"Hey, did you hear about Arlen Specter, the senator? He left the Republican Party and became a Democrat. What?! It's very odd, to switch teams like this. Who does he think he is, Lindsay Lohan?" --Craig Ferguson

"Specter announced he'd become a Democrat and the Republicans are like, 'Yeah, he's been a Democrat for about 15 years.'" --Craig Ferguson

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Arlen Specter Switched Parties

10. Heard the Democratic lounge's vending machine had Nutrageous bars.
9. When Barack smiles at you, the room just starts spinning.
8. GOP wouldn't give him the day off to attend Heidi and Spencer's wedding.
7. Wanted free video iPod from Obama.
6. Same reason 10 million other Republicans switched parties last November.
5. Uhh, pirates?
4. No #4 -- writer frightened by Air Force One fly-by.
3. It was buried in the fine print when he switched cable providers.
2. Wanted to hang out with a new group of white guys.
1. Well, why wouldn't someone want to be associated with Rush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney?