February 24, 2010

Pic from Cute Overload!

Heading this way!

Not just a blizzard, but a paralyzing blizzard.


"Nearly half of the Arizona Legislature wants to force President Barack Obama to show his birth certificate to state officials if he runs for re-election. All 40 co-sponsors are Republicans, comprising 75 percent of the GOP caucus. Two of them have since resigned to run for Congress."

OMG, its Altamont!

Jon Stewart goofs on CPAC --

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Our liberal media

The NY Times requires proof to recant their story of James O'Keefe dressed as a pimp, but not to print it in the first place.

The most trusted name in news

CNN Headline: “Poll: Dems should take first step to bridge divide”

First sentence of article: “Two-thirds of Americans think that the Republicans in Congress are not doing enough to cooperate with President Obama, poll suggests.”

Update: people are fucking stupid.

Vast bag of phlegm spews more shit

Andrew Not-so-Breitbart, quickly becoming the scariest douchebag on the planet, announced that "within the next three weeks" he will personally "[take] down "the institutional left."

What a fucking psycho. Any day now I expect to see him on YouTube foaming at the mouth and throwing feces.

From here.

John "Boner" Boehner concerned about length

Not satisfied with anything, the House minority leader found a new nonissue to flipflop over.

For months now, republicans in Congress have been complaining that health care reform legislation put forward by congressional Democrats is too long.

“All you need to know is there are 1,990 pages,” whined John Boehner of the health care bill in October. “That should tell you everything.”

But when President Obama released a proposal yesterday bridging the differences between the House and Senate bills, Boehner’s office changed its complaint and argued that it was too short.
This after complaining when the WH posted their bill online. After Boner asked them to.

Oh, and the number of pages in the republican health care plan? One.

Even the devil is afraid of dick Cheney

Emperor Palpitation suffered a mild “heart” attack Monday when he complained of chest pains and was hospitalized, his office said Tuesday. He underwent a catheterization of fresh puppy blood and returned to his fortified bunker Wednesday morning. Dammit.

February 23, 2010


“Finally, someone is calling them on it.”

More like this, please.

Today in medicine

Bob “Bob Dole” Dole and Dick “dick” Cheney undergoing the finest health care experience you can’t afford.

To stop you from picturing Bob Dole hospitalized for an erection lasting 4 or more hours, there’s this. Sigh.

Bonus: to rethug Bob Marshall: that's retarded.

This is why we can’t have nice things

In a letter to Penthouse Forum, serial adulterer Newt Gingrich explains how to treat a bitch.

Oh, sorry, he wrote an op-ed in Time on how the administration should be bipartisan by giving up all they worked for and the repuglicans can be bipartisan by making Obama and the Democrats use the GOP’s ideas. If they actually had any.

So, basically, I was right the first time.

Fox Nooze scrambles to discredit CPAC presidential poll after Ron Paul wins

Fox Noise prior to CPAC: "This is where the next President will be anointed!"

Fox Noise after Ron Paul wins the CPAC poll: "These things are way unscientific. It's really more about bragging rights, anyway. Somebody freeped the poll. There’s nothing to see here, move along.”

CPAC participants voted for Paul as their favored candidate by some 31 percent, giving him the largest margin of victory in recent years. Fudge-packing dog-abuser Mitt Romney, who has won the vote over the last three years, was the runner-up with 22 percent. Disasta from Alaska Sarah Palin was third with seven percent.
One or two points above “Other” and “Can’t Decide”.

High on their own hype

Some guy from Salon taunts conservaturds in general and Dick “Iraq has weapons of mass distruction” “the insurgency is in last throes” “we’re turning another corner in Iraq” “I had heart pain” Cheney in particular:

Yuck it up, CPACers, the joke's on you.

Conservative activists spend three days giddily forecasting a return to power in 2012. History suggests otherwise.

The man who assured us we’d be greeted as liberators in Iraq dropped in on this year’s Conservative Political Action Conference to make yet another prediction.

“I think that Barack Obama is going to be a one-term president,” Dick Cheney declared on Thursday.

Two days later he was in the hospital in ICU. ‘Bout time, God.

You’ll excuse me if I rain on their parade, but there’s a source with just a little more credibility than Dick Cheney that would beg to differ: history.

The polls back him up.

Get to da choppah befoh I kill you

“They should talk to the 150,000 people that have been getting jobs in Caleefornia.”

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger accused his republican colleagues on Sunday of blatant hypocrisy, being hyperpartisan fuckheads on the stimulus package -- railing against the jobs bill on Fox, then posing with the “big check” back home.

“Gah burrrr alztch vezzzmbl Rarrzntrrrbr!” the governator told ABC.


Asshat reads his crack about Obama using a teleprompter from -- a teleprompter:

Not only was Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty reading from a teleprompter at CPAC on Friday when he promoted the hoax that Obama uses teleprompters more than other pols, Pawlenty’s hypocritical attack against the president was quickly determined to be a lie.
-- More at the Gray Poupon… ummm, Pensito Review (love you guys!).

Blood in the water

From hiring celebrity chefs and jetting off to exotic Kenwaii to draping himself in huge gold watches, repugs are fuming over Michael Steele's spending habits:

"Steele is spending twice as much as his recent predecessors on private planes and paying more for limousines, catering and flowers -- expenses that are infuriating the party's major donors who say Republicans need every penny they can get for the fight to win back Congress.

I thought that was already a given? Huh.

“Most recently, donors grumbled when Steele hired renowned chef Wolfgang Puck to cater the RNC's Christmas party inside the trendy Newseum, and then moved its annual winter meeting from Washington to Hawaii. For some major GOP donors, both decisions were symbolic of the kind of wasteful spending habits they claim has become endemic to his tenure at the RNC."

Mr Steele, who supposedly represents the party of fiscal discipline, could not be reached for comment.

Not-so-Breitbrat: a tool, or one of the biggest tools evar?

Geez, he's got problems. Maybe he should see Cheney's heart doctor. Or not.

From C ‘n’ L. More here.

“Stop dividing us”

Heh. A meltdown from the conservatard blog radioequalizer:

Levin Challenges Beck To Behave Like An Adult

A cranky Levin whined that Glenn Beck was being a real poopyhead for not drinking the KoolAid and should stop before Levin told his dad.


”Is Mark Levin the only major figure on the right [?? Who the fuck is Mark Levin?? – Ed.] with the guts to question Glenn Beck's attempted hijacking of the conservative movement? At the moment, it sure seems that way.”

Hijacking?? Well, I guess yeah, since any self-respecting repuke does not, under any circumstance, believe in science. I mean, next he’ll say Jesus never rode around on dinosaurs. Homo. Link will be in comments section.

Blood in the water

Some repuke radio host says the GOP has become too hateful even for him:

For me, the Party is over," writes Michael Smerconish, who is leaving the party he belonged to for 30 years and becoming an independent.

"The national GOP is a party of exclusion and litmus tests, dominated on social issues by the religious right, with zero discernible outreach by the national party to anyone who doesn't fit neatly within its parameters. Instead, the GOP has extended itself to its fringe while throwing under the bus long-standing members like NY Assemblywoman Dede Scozzafava, a McCain-Palin supporter in 2008 who told me she voted with her Republican leadership 90 percent of the time before running for Congress last fall…

"Collegiality is nonexistent today, and any outreach across an aisle is castigated as weakness by the talking heads who constantly stir a pot of discontent.“

Good for you. But Rush Limbaugh will still make fun of you and call for your doom.

Home-grown terrorist exhorts crowd to violence

Reprehensible asshat Steve King (R-InsAne) told the crowd at CPAC on Saturday that he could "empathize" with the suicide bomber who last week destroyed the IRS office in Austin, and encouraged the audience of slackjawed guntotin’ droolers to "implode" other IRS offices.

Why do rethuglicans hate America? Fuck it, why isn’t this guy locked up?

Conservative centerfold dicks own party

Anger erupted in the wingnut twitterdrome as beloved Republican savior sell-out RINO Scott Brown joined Democrats and helped destroy the GOP filibuster on the new jobs bill.

"I came to Washington to be an independent voice, to put politics aside, and to do everything in my power to help create jobs for Massachusetts families. I wish the tax cuts were deeper and broader, but I will vote for it because it contains measures that will help put people back to work,” Brown said, not quite adding "Mitch McConnell can suck my big pearly one.”

Bonus actual quote: “Brown offered a final denunciation of the GOP before the vote: ‘My friends on the other side of the aisle are looking for ways not to vote for this," he said, accusing them of putting "partisanship ahead of people.’"

Holy crap. That was beautiful.

Better than Bush

Letter to the editor slams legendary halfwit. Actually, both of them:

In her recent keynote speech before the Tea Party convention, Sarah Palin asked liberals, "How's that hopey, changey stuff" going? It's a fair question and deserves an answer.

To clarify, we should ask: In relation to what?

If we are comparing it with the Bush years, it's like night and day. President Bush drove our country into a ditch by cutting taxes, starting wars, torturing our enemies and using clumsy diplomacy. He was an inarticulate dunderhead who was a constant embarrassment to our nation.

President Obama never promised a miracle, nor did he say he could effect change on his own. The most I hoped for from his administration was that it would open the door to the people to make the changes we need.

For the source of real hope and change, we should look in the mirror. Bush left the country on the brink of a depression. In Obama's first year, we have stepped back from that brink. Things could be better. But compared with the Bush debacle, it is like night and day.


Fox Noise totally ignores Obama success

Instead of broadcasting some actual good news, fair und balanced nutwork stars circlejerk themselves by replaying bon mots from the recent CPAC cuntvention and “interviewing” fellow Fux Nertz hosts on “what’s wrong” with America.

NY Times: Plea by Najibullah Zazi, the wanna-be bomber of the New York subway system, "marks the successful prosecution of a terrorist in an advanced plot.”

Newsweek: Plea "provides fresh ammunition for Obama administration officials."

WaComPo: Plea "gave the Obama administration a new argument in its battle with Republicans on the treatment of terrorists -- the deal demonstrated the ability of the US court system to dispense justice to terrorists."

Fux Nooze: “Tiger Woods… Is it true what they say about black men?”

/well, not really, but you get the picture.

February 22, 2010

I'm so sorry, guys, lots of family stuff going on right now and I can't seem to focus on anything else. But I'll be back soon!


February 16, 2010

Headline of the day

Obama approves the construction of the first new nuclear reactors in thirty years. Republicans call emergency meeting to determine what they don't like about this.
-- headline from Fark. Actual story here.

And how it will be covered:

MSNBC: "Obama Approves New Nuclear Reactors"
CNN: "Obama's Nuke Scenario A Terrorist Goldmine"
FUX: “Will Obama’s New Reactors Sterilize Us, Turning Us Gay?”

This is why we can’t have nice things

Bipartisanshipness --

John Boehner: I demand you post the healthcare bill online!

Prez Obama: Good idea -- done!

John Boehner: What?!! Damn socialist commie, I cannot believe you posted the healthcare bill online. {weeping}

Buried in his jammies

I love this stuff: “A DNA study published in a US medical journal says Egypt's famed King Tutankhamun suffered from a cleft palate and club foot and died from complications from a broken leg exacerbated by malaria,” eating a crocodile.

Hurrrrr derp derp derp

Scott Brown: No lawyers for terrorists -- just try them in a military tribunal!

Joe Biden: They get lawyers in a tribunal too, dumbass.

Brown: Uhhhh... but I was in the national guard. That makes me more righter, America-hater. {pout}

84% of country hates America

A new poll reveals that a majority of Americans consider the teabagger movement a “fruitless mix of racism and conspiracy theories.”

A Fox Nooze poll.

Giant, human-shaped douchebag opens his twatnozzle again

You’d think a irrelevant windbag and serial adulterer who found Jesus would know its wrong to bear false witness. But no.

Newt Gingrich tried on Wednesday to brush off the glaring gaffe he made this week on "The Daily Show." But in doing so, the former GOP House Speaker only dug his hole deeper…

In a dig at the Obama White House, he added: "Treating terrorists like criminals wrong no matter who is Pres."

That's a standard GOP talking point, and yet when President Bush moved the Padilla case from a military setting to the criminal system, it was Gingrich who came to his defense despite conservative howls of protest, a Democratic source points out.
”I think they should rename themselves the Alzeheimer's Party, because no one in it can remember anything they said or did prior to yesterday.” – comment from the interweb.

Fux Noise goes full retar palin, causes flux in the space-time continuum

Fox nutwork hosts: Why can't the rest of the media treat the teabaggers as respectfully as we treated the anti-war protesters? You know, those Marxist, anti-American, troop-hating, terrist-loving, defeatocrap cut-and-run surrender-monkey appeasement protesters?

I am officially creeped out

Fox Noise host offers to show preteen girl his “Princess Barbie magic loofah-pony.”
Well, almost.

Bad: Bill O'Reilly saying "My special Valentine this year is a beautiful 10-year-old girl named Madeline…”

Somehow worse: as much as I love them, it came right after hearing Gary Puckett and the Union Gap’s “This Girl Is A Woman Now” on the radio.

Warning: link goes to Townhell.com.

Hitler wants to make a Hitler YouTube parody video

Hey! This isn’t my Bible comic!

Hotel is ordered to remove Al Gore book, brown M&Ms from hick diva’s room.

The customary copy of "An Inconvenient Truth" was conveniently missing from Sarah Palin's room at the eco-friendly Gaia Shasta Hotel & Spa, where the average hockey-mom and her daughter freshened up before Palin's appearances at a recent conference in Redding.

"We were under strict instructions" to make sure the Gore books were removed from rooms used by Palin and other conference VIPs, a hotel staffer said last night.
”She only reads books by the Founding Fathers, her own palms, and of course all of the newspapers,” the staffer added, rolling her eyes.

Morally Bankrupt Party of No: “We’re against this, too”

Let’s roll! We’ll get ‘em dead or alive!

Just when you think their level of hypocrisy and hopped-up outrage couldn't be topped, they continue to surprise....

The latest: President Obama is killing too many terrorists. Yes, he's been too successful at taking out those which we presumably want taken out.

[J]ust imagine if a piece like this appeared during Bush/Cheney's reign, accusing them of killing too many terrorists. Oh, the outcry that would've occurred from the screeching right, the fulminating condemnation riddled with labels like "unpatriotic," "enemy sympathizer" and "treason" to name a few. Yet here we are, this tripe published without a peep from the Country First crowd. Just crickets.
Indeed. From Grey Matter.

Chapter the second: I awaken from my nap

It was a dark and stormy night as I finally arose from my warm La-Z-Boy, and as I made my way into the bedroom I tripped on the rug, where I decided to sleep for a few more hours before stumbling into bed...

Blood in the water

Party in chaos as Demo-rats flee sinking ship

President Barack Obama suffered another setback, as, sensing voters will be after their heads this fall, another Democrat declines to run for re-elec... what? Another republican? Why haven’t we seen this all over the news?

Oh, that’s right. Thank you, liberal media.
Fuck you very much.

February 15, 2010

RIP Doug Fieger --

My fave song by the Knack:

Reminder: only conservatives are allowed to talk about retards

Oh, I’m sorry, that should be “Palin-Americans.”

If the video doesn't load, its from here.

"It was only satire!"

Insert rebel yell here!

If being patriotic means being a toothless, moonshine-drinking, confederate-flag-waving douchetard, I don’t want to be right.

Daytona 500 guest Sarah Palin has fun "not thinking about the politics of" the race, goes on to call it a "patriotic, wonderful event that's bringing a whole lot of people together."

'Ceptin them America-hating, arugula-eating Frenchified libtards, she reckoned folksily.

Conservative blog bans birthers, truthers

"You guys are fucking crazy,” says teabagger Erick “Eric” Erickson:

"If you think 9/11 was an inside job or you really want to debate whether or not Barack Obama is an American citizen eligible to be President, RedState is not a place for you," he wrote. "All of us have an obligation to vet those who we ally with. Just because someone is stridently against the size of government does not make him an ally if he also believes the U.S. Army blew up the World Trade Center. Such a person brings disrepute on us all, deservedly so."
Hee! Indeed.

Run, dipshit, run

Scenes we’d love to see, by dKos contributor Angry Mouse:

“If this is the war the party of stupid wants, let them have it. Let us see what their rightwing insanity has sown. Let us watch Sarah debate President Obama, crib notes and all. Because even though the entire Republican Congress was outmatched in a battle of wits only a few weeks ago, Sarah, being Sarah, will strut into any debate thinking she has the upper hand. And America needs to watch that, the arrogance of someone so hopelessly out of her league that she doesn’t even realize she’s out of her league, daring to take on President Obama…”
You betcha!

“Joe” the “Plumber” decides he hates America, our troops

Samuel Wurzelburzel says he no longer supports John McCain, the doddering old coot who dragged him kicking and screaming into the limelight:

"I don't owe him shit. He really screwed my life up, is how I look at it. McCain was trying to use me. I happened to be the face of middle Americans. It was a ploy."
Classy, Mr I’ll-grab-my-15-minutes-of-fame-and-write-a-book!

Oh, and he will no longer have anything more to do with Sarah Palmey, because she supports McCain.

Bonus: he thinks Prez Obama is pretty honest, for a commie.

Must-see TV

Rachael Maddow schools repug Rep. Aaron "shlock" Schock:

MADDOW: “What’s the basis of the assertion that reading someone their Miranda rights in unsafe? We did that with every single person who’s been arrested on terrorism charges since 9/11. No one’s ever made an issue of it until the Obama administration and this case with Abdulmuttalab. Really, what’s the problem with being read your rights that wasn’t the problem before?"

Palin blasted for lack of transparency, brains

But… but… teleprompters!

Palin is again refusing to allow cameras and photographers to record her public events. Palin is scheduled to speak in Florida at two separate events next month. The events require an attendee to purchase a $250 or $150 ticket and the press are not invited. Palin also barred the press from many of her book tour appearances.

It is possible Palin is attempting to prevent another "telepalmter" incident. Cameras caught Palin consulting crib notes written on her hand during the question and session at a recent teabagging party. Her use of a teleprompter was conveniently ignored.

Palin also is refusing to disclose what she is doing with the $100,000 speaking fee she received from the Tea Party Convention. Palin promised that the money would go to conservative causes but has not actually said what that means. Talking Points Memo has pressed Palin for details and she has thus far refused to provide any answers. Previously money from Palin's political action committee have been used to buy her own books.

February 13, 2010

Ozz and SpiceGirl prewarm the chair on a cold Caturday.

"What?! We're out of catnip??"

February 12, 2010

It's a trap! The room may be... too big!

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Old man yells at snow

Bad weather forces crabby old geezer to make crank calls, look up Victorian-era porn on internet tubes.

Sen. John McCain (R-Hurrrrr) said he was snowbound, crazy and hornier than a two-tailed jackrabbit when he called into Fox Noise on Wednesday night.

McCain was in Washington DC obstructing shit when he got trapped by the snowfall that blanketed the city.

“I’m snowbound and going crazy!” McCain told fellow psycho Sean insHannity. "I think about those old trappers that used to winter over, I don't know how they did it."
Dude. They were trappers. They had plenty of “beaver” with them. **giggling**

“We didn’t have record snowfalls when I was being tortured by the Cong!,” he bleated before hanging up.

Hey, its just satire, right?

Marvel comics forced to apologize after Captain America alluded that teabaggers are a bunch of racist, anti-government asshats. In other words, “teabaggers.”

Why do teabaggers hate [Capt.] America??

Drudge bitchfistee in catfight with fellow loon

Teabagger Andrew Breitbart got into a shrieking hissyfit with birther/World Nut Daily founder Joseph Farah over who's a bigger right-wing fuckhorn... and it was recorded on tape.

Blood in the water?*

3 retirements threaten GOP no-mentum

Conservatives in chaos as members flee in droves.

A trio of House republican retirement announcements has sparked a debate between the two parties over whether the GOP is losing momentum, relevance.
Because that’s only true if Demoncraps do it.

*Headline taken from instapundit, who was gloating over the news that Patrick Kennedy would not be seeking re-election.

Poll: majority of Americans back Islamosociafrancohomocommie Kenyan

Hopey-changey workin’ out better for nation than the eternal No of the Grand Obstructionist Party.

Americans blame George W. Bush, Wall Street and Congress much more than they do Mr. Obama for the nation’s economic problems and the budget deficit, a new poll found

They credit Mr. Obama more than republicans with making an effort at bipartisanship, and they back the White House’s policies on a variety of disputed issues, including allowing gays to serve openly in the military and repealing the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy.

Americans say Prez Obama better understands their needs and problems and has made more of an effort to be bipartisan than Congressional republicans, the poll found.

“Obama is certainly trying,” said Bonnie Ewasiuk, 60, of Woodbridge, Va. “I’m a Republican so I don’t like to go against the party, but Obama has reached out and had meetings and I don’t think the Republicans are going to be responsive. All you see from them is negativity.”

“It feels like an attempt to sabotage the majority and to regain control of power rather than working on a compromise,” John Smith, a Republican from Greenville, S.C., said of his party after participating in the poll and before getting violently TPed by Lim-bots.
More here.

Our lieberal media

ACORN calls NYT editor's email on misreported O'Keefe 'pimp' story 'troubling and disturbing,' ‘major-league douchebaggery’.

The NYT’s Senior Editor for “Standards” takes the word of alleged federal felon – and Fox Nooze -- over entire offices of ACORN employees who were actually there when it happened.

More so-called liberal media nonsense from Glenn Greenwald, here. Bonus: he rips into David “President Bush is poised for a political comeback!” Broder.

Nothing hopey-changey about Palin's latest poll numbers

New poll finds that 70% of Americans don't think Palin is qualified to serve as President. How's that incompetence workin' out for ya?” – headline from the interweb.

7 out of 10 Americans believe “folksy” quitter is unqualified to be President, dogcatcher, including a metric buttload of her fellow republicans.

The 26 percent who say Palin is qualified is down 12 points from an ABC News/Washington Post poll from November. [The poll] also indicates that even a majority of Republicans now view Palin as not qualified to serve as commander-in-chief. According to the survey, 45 percent of conservatives see her as qualified, down 21 points from last November.

How's that snarky-spitey thing workin' out for ya?


Chicago Tribune columnist on Mooselini: "Because if her speech made anything clear, it's that the shallow, ill-informed, truth-twisting demagogue seen in the 2008 presidential campaign is all she is and all she wants to be."

Hell, if she were anything else she wouldn’t be asked to any more teabagging conventions. Rush would say retarded things about her. And Fux Noise would drop her like hot rhino poop.

More, this one from CNN’s Roland Martin: “Please, cut the crap… You're a crass politician with no true conviction. Your actions have shown that.”